13 Oct 04AppleCare Technicians Pass Judgment On Your Hard Drive's Contents.


According to sources within Apple’s AppleCare repair department, if your Mac is in for repair, the company’s technicians have indeed looked at the files on your hard drive and are disgusted by what they have found, confirming your worst fears.

As hard drive contents can be a glimpse into one’s soul, Apple’s staffers indicate yours is a shallow place, filled with a rank and fetid smell.

“Granted, as hard drive voyeurs we are not above reproach,” Apple technical support analyst Ken Taylor admitted. “But that level of reproach and the level of reproach you should get for the files in the folder titled ‘XXX Vixens in Prison’ are not even in the same zip code.”

While a predilection for puerile pornography topped the list of AppleCare technicians’ complaints about you, your choice of iTunes songs did not improve your standing.

“1985 by Bowling for Soup is like a Weird Al song without the street cred,” said PowerBook specialist Meredith Howe. “With a shelf life of about two weeks, it’s not even worth 99 cents.

“And having Fountains of Wayne and Five for Fighting in your collection largely just confirms my impression.”

If you were to currently check the status of your repair, you would be surprised to see the following updates:

10:00 AM – Unit received.
10:15 AM – Hard drive scanned for bad sectors.
10:25 AM – Holy crap, are you kidding me? You write Battlestar Galactica fan fiction? And for Galactica 1984???
10:27 AM – Maybe Dr. Zee can fix your hard drive! Ha-ha-ha!

“Frack!” you would curse, using the slang common amongst the 12 Colonies of the Battlestar Galactica universe.

You would, however, be relieved to know that Apple’s technicians have decided against venturing into your Movies folder, for fear of going blind.

20 Responses to “AppleCare Technicians Pass Judgment On Your Hard Drive's Contents.”

  1. XXX in Prison says:

    Ye gods, first maybe?!

  2. Anonymous says:

    oh!

  3. Brother Mugga says:

    Oh my god, I’m dizzy.

    I’m so high up the posting…

    Help me, someone . . . I’m . . . I’m out of control . . . starting to fall . . .

  4. obligatory post count guy says:

    oh my god top five holy shit

    oh now i owe1o grand and 25 points come on

  5. Ozi says:

    Damn! Shoulda been hitting refresh in safari on this page for the last hour, not looking at them vixens in prison. Ah well, I am but a mortal.

  6. Adam Jackson says:

    what is wrong with five for fighting?

  7. Banana says:

    7th!!!

  8. UhhhDude says:

    Eighth!

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got porn to download…

  9. greenacres says:

    Funny, and one of my coworkers SWEARS by Fountains of Wayne…they had that song ‘Stacy’s Mom’ and, oh, the VIDEO is what he was swearing by. Stars some porn star or something…She was hot, the music was not.

  10. greenacres says:

    Hey! I posted at 9:15 and it is 11:15 here…

  11. greenacres says:

    Is this the eleventh post?!?

  12. greenacres says:

    Ooooops! Sorry Huck!

  13. Logitech MX 510 says:

    Moltz is in top shape here, what a way to end my day!

    Unless the Entity wrote it, then hyper-spatial kudos to him.

  14. younghart says:

    Sorry if I have to intervene, Logitech MX 510, but by legislation of the president of the US of A, it is ‘spacial’ now. The announcement is found in the URL provided.

  15. Huck says:

    Crap!

    And who’s “Five for Fighting”? Is it twice as bad if I’ve never even heard of them?

  16. Anonymous says:

    It’s true, I used to be an engineer for a reseller – we had a few computers come through for repair clogged with porn/satanist stuff/stuff you really wouldn’t expect people to have.

  17. michael says:

    “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne is my favorite song.

  18. XXX Vixens in Prison!? I was IN that one!

  19. Dick Cheney says:

    Wait, what? I was in that one too!

  20. Laura Bush says:

    I did make-up and hair.