In order to prevent our readers in the U.S. from sitting around clicking “refresh” in an attempt to get first post and not going out and voting, we won’t be hitting you up with juicy Apple rumors today.
Also, we all have plans to watch the returns tonight and are eager to get out of here.
If Kerry wins, I expect to be up to my armpits in hookers and booze.
Conversely, if Bush wins, I expect to be up to my armpits in hookers and booze.
Some may say I’m using this election as an excuse for an evening of hookers and booze. These are cynics, however, who do not understand the liberties that make this country great.
Well, our liberties, for the most part, still don’t include hookers. That’s simply an entitlement the politicians have yet to throw at us in order to try to gain our votes. Has anyone else noticed that Nevada is a swing state and has lots of hookers and booze?
If you think there’s no correlation, don’t be so naive. If Florida weren’t just full of old people, they’d have legalized prostitution, too.
Instead they get bingo and shuffleboard. It’s all about knowing your constituency.
I should also take this opportunity to announce that we are also taking Friday off in preparation for being called back into the polls to vote again because our votes were eaten by the loose amalgamation of Windows NT and Microsoft Access that some dare call “a voting machine.”
I know a voting machine. His name is Stan. This dude is a voting machine. He can go through a ballot in 30-seconds flat. He has no idea what he’s voting for, of course, but he’s very efficient.
That piece of PC crap is no voting machine.
I understand that Apple was in the running to sell voting machines but, typically, theirs were super-cool and were all brushed metal and stuff and the election officials were afraid people wouldn’t want to stop using them, even further backing up the lines.
Apologies to our friends abroad. We know the world doesn’t revolve around us.
It revolves around that big pole that goes through the center of the Earth.
Santa lives near it.
And if those last two sentences make you uncomfortable about the people who are going to elect the supposed leader of the free world…
Well, that’s just your sense of self-preservation kicking in.