16 Nov 04Apple DRM To Include Commercials.

Sources within Apple’s iPod division indicate that, after negotiations with the broadcasting industry, the company will be adding commercials to its Digital Rights Management scheme.

“Clearly Apple’s iTunes and iPod have an unfair advantage when compared to more traditional forms of listening to music,” said Peter Oliver, spokesperson for the Broadcast Industry Association. “We believed that it was only fair to level the playing field.”

Now when iTunes and iPod users listen to their music, they will be required to listen to five minutes of advertisements after every five songs. Or, after every three songs during rush hour.

“We believe that our customers will enjoy the retro appeal to the days when people listened to music non-digitally,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

According to sources, Apple customers can expect to hear ads for car insurance, jewelry stores and cheap airlines.

The one thing they won’t hear is ads for Apple products.

In exchange for adding commercials to iTunes and the iPod, the broadcasting industry has agreed to insert subliminal advertising for Apple products into daily programming throughout the country. Ironically, as this only affects Apple products used within the United States, those countries that languished so long without the iTunes Music Store will now be the ones that will enjoy it without commercial interruption.

“This is just…,” DRM expert and BoingBoing author Cory Doctorow said, searching for words to express his anger. “I can’t… pff… I mean… with the… and… because… GAAAH!

“I’ve seen a lot of crappy-assed DRM schemes but… this!?

Doctorow was so enraged that he had to go lie down and listen to a recording of James Earl Jones doing a dramatic reading of the Creative Commons license.

Commercials will be introduced in the Mac OS X 10.3.7 update that no one will ever download.

28 Responses to “Apple DRM To Include Commercials.”

  1. Daddy Bartholomew says:

    I see. Yet another reason to rid myself of the iPod that I can’t ever pry from the grip of my teenage sons.

    Also, FIRST!

  2. MacStansbury says:

    no, I mean, SECOND!

  3. MacStansbury says:

    well, up there anyways

  4. Anonymous says:

    Oh man, that would suck!

  5. Anonymous says:

    We interrupt this comments page to bring you a message from Viagra.

    Do you have trouble ‘staying in the game’? Does your partner ever complain that you don’t have ‘endurance’? Do former lovers point at your crotch and laugh?

    Ask your doctor about Viagra. He needs a good laugh, too.

  6. PoisedNoise says:

    DIdn’t 10.2.7 already happen? Just before 10.2.8? In fact wasn’t that the one that never really happened (well it existed but only on the new G5s) and the rest of us jumped from 10.2.6 to 10.2.8…

    Whatever. I definitely won’t download it as I’m already on 10.3.6 🙂

    …..oh, yeah I hadn’t thought about that – uh Moltz-boy: typo over here methinks.

  7. Brother Mugga says:

    I need a DRM system for my id. I’ve copied it way *way* too many times in an effort to get a decent version that doesn’t repel totty, and some of the versions are pretty corrupt. It’s turning into crappy version of ‘Identity’ in here. If you can believe that. Tricky I know.

    I was also hoping to get some of that free ‘Monsters from the id’ action, but no luck as yet. That looked like fun. And great for dealing with anti-social neighbours. Hrmpf.

  8. greenacres says:

    Then they might start including 20 minutes of Howard Stern or some far right religious loon. I could have swore Steely Dan had a song like this…”iPod, no static at all…” catchy tune….

  9. Dougward says:

    What number is this?

  10. Dougward says:

    Oh, number te- woops.

  11. MacStansbury says:

    okay, of all the stuff I can stand, Moo isn’t one of them. Yes, it’s another thing I started. Yes, me.

    Where’d Moo come from? An interactive chat from Tech TV in which I was watching one of the thousands of Gateway commercials. Every time one came on I’d just type Moo. Some yahoo takes my work and posts it on Slashdot. Next thing you know, everybody’s mocking Gateway the same way I have since I LIVED IN FRICKIN IOWA IN THE 80s!!!!!

    Sorry, I’m a little tense, what with this cold and all.

  12. UhhhDude says:


    (C) 1984 Clarus The Dogcow, Inc. All rights reserved, and most of the lefts, too.

  13. MacStansbury says:

    I should point out that the Moo is completely different than the call of the DogCow. Or Dogow. Or Dog-Cow. MegaPost, MEGApost-whatever.

    What’s a Dogcow? Or DogCow?


  14. Mr. Mustache Ride says:

    It’s pronounced MUFF.

    I just wanted to get back onto that bad taste, sexual runaway train that is CARS.

  15. caerulea says:


    not even 11th

    maybe next time

  16. Del says:

    Caerulea your haiku was way off. It wasn’t even a Caiku ( since it didn’t have the obligatory I like to eat cheese last line).

  17. MacStansbury says:

    And you writing was 4-6-4. Haiku being 5-7-5. Caiku, of course having the form of 5-7-something about cheese.

  18. Anonymous says:

    MacStansbury thinks he’s

    clever with made up poem styles.

    Eat swiss ’til you Moo.

  19. Del says:

    Clarus the DogCow

    What kind of cheese could you make

    From a cow that moofs?

  20. Bellidancer says:

    Dreaming of Clarus

    DogCow of utter renown

    Would I eat her cheese?

  21. Anonymous says:

    cheese and rice I say

  22. Huck says:

    I saw that Dougward! Don’t make me put you in my Moofburger!

  23. Anonymous says:

    “yeah I want cheesy moofs!”


  24. Steve Jobs says:

    Hey, it’s:

    Dreaming of Clarus

    DogCow of uDDr renown

    Would I eat her cheese?

    Now that’s some cheesy doodle.

    Oh, and on the subject of commercials, TiVO already thought of that. Why bother waiting for Federal reguations that will make it a FELONY for fast-forwarding through commercials? Let’s all get on the RIAA/MPAA bandwagon now and give away all our rights before they take them from us and we’re, well, disappointed that we didn’t take the initiative and deny them the ability to take away our rights before we gave them away? Huh? Answer me that!

    Yeah, I didn’t think so…


  25. That is some geniunely funny shit — I’m honored!