Analysts Agree Mac Mini Represents New Paradigm For Apple And Blah, Blah, Blah.


After Apple’s blockbuster announcement of a sub-$500 Mac, the Mac Mini, technology pundits have been asking just what this means for the company known for premium products. According to analysts, the Mac Mini represents a crucial paradigm shift for Apple and blah, blah, blah.

Lehman Brothers’ Daniel Niles said “Apple has finally made it’s move to the low end of the market. This is key to the company’s future financial success and yadda, yadda, yadda.

“It’s important to note that Steve Jobs woodle, woodle, woodle and market share a-hey nonny, nonny a-plinnnnng.”

But Niles isn’t the only Apple follower pointlessly running at the mouth over the Mac Mini.

“The Mac Mini is one-of-a-kind in design innovation and it provides a low-cost value proposition that will appeal to those who aren’t already using a Mac,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue.

“But moreover, a-loodle doo-woop dee bang-a-wang. Now Apple has a wocka-wocka ding dong and the enterprise market skip to the loo, my darling.”

Analysts went on to drone on and on about core competencies, mind-share and something about strategic product symmetry or some crap like that, before dancing wildly about their offices flailing their arms and singing show tunes.

56 thoughts on “Analysts Agree Mac Mini Represents New Paradigm For Apple And Blah, Blah, Blah.”

  1. Has anyone seen my Dad? He said he’d pick me up here after Football practice…. He’s running a few days late now, and this Mongoose keeps staring at me as it drives by!

  2. The nieuwe Mac mini is een heel aantrekkelijk product dat een groot deel van de computer markt naar zich toe zal trekken.

    Aldus een woordvoerder van de consumentenbond, voordat hij door een IT neergestoken werd.

    Translation: The Mac mini (lowercase m) is a very compelling product that will succeed in yee, yee, hi, lallaala fleeeep.

    (translation excludes biting remark about dutch consumer organistion who always rated Apple products badly)

  3. In a recent letter to Vogue magazine, Jonathon Saint Du Pont asks;

    “Which handbag do you think would go best with my Mac Mini? I’m stuck between the Louis Vuitton and the Versace. Then again I’ve got a darling little Gucci that might be just the job.”

  4. When picking up his Mac Mini at a post office in Auchtermuchty,Scotland an angry customer was overheard saying;

    “Naw naw…this isnae whit ah ordired. Thon keelt widnae gay roon a wee lassie ne’r mind a beg galloot lik’ me.”

  5. JESUS BUILT MY HOTROD LYRICS

     

    Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true

    Jerry lee lewis was the devil

    Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet

    All of a sudden, I found myself in love with the world

    So there was only one thing that I could do

    Was ding a ding dang my dang a long ling long

    Ding dang a dong bong bing bong

    Ticky ticky thought of a gun

    Everytime I try to do it all now baby

    Am I on the run

    Why why why why why baby

    If it’s so evil then?

    Give me my time, with all my power

    Give it to me all again (wow)

    Ding a ding a dang a dong dong ding dong

    Every where I go

    Everytime you tell me baby

    When I settle down

    Got to get me a trailer park

    And hold my world around

    Why why why why?

    Ding ding donga dong dong ding dong

    Dingy dingy son of a gun

    Half my time I tell you baby

    Never am I all for sure

    Why why why why why baby

    Sicky sicky from within

    Everytime I stick my finger on in ya

    You’re a wild wild little town bitch

    Now how ’bout ding a dang dong dong dong ling long

    Dingy a dingy dong a down

    Everytime you tell me baby

    When I settle down

    Got to get me a trailer park

    And hold my world around

    Why why why why?

    In my dang a ding a ding a ding dong

    A sticky sticky son of a gun

    Ding a danga danga dong dong ding dong

    Why why never know

    Why why wack a dong a dang ding dong

    Then you take it on the bill

    Ding dang dong don’t dong

    Whoa!

    I wanna love ya!

    Why why why, why why darling

    Do you do you tell me to play?

    Half the time I talk about it all now baby

    You know what I’m talkin’ about I said

    Why why why it’ll

    Ticky ticky ticky ticky

    Son of a gun

    Ding ding dong a bong bong bing bong

    Ticky ticky thought of a gun

    Bing bing bang a bang a bang bing bong bing a bing bang a bong

    Binga bing a bang a bong bong bing bong bing banga bong

    Bing bing bang a bong bong bing bing binga binga banga bong

    Bing bing bang a bang bang bing bong

    Aarrrhhhh…

    Ding dang a dang bong bing bong

    Ticky ticky thought of a gun

    Everytime I try to do it all now baby

    Am I on the run

    Why why why

    It’ll ticky ticky ticky ticky ticky ticky

    Dawn of a gun

    Bing bing bang a bong a bong bing bang a

    Ticky ticky thought of a gun

    Bing bip bip a bop bop boom bam

    Ticky ticky through the day

    If you got a doubt ’bout baby

    The memory is on the bed

    Why why why why why

    Darlin’ uh it don’t know

    When my time is on

    Might tell me never do it on his own

    If my time was all as is yours

    Make me burn a wish

    When my time with you is brutish

    No I’ll never not ever

    Why why why why why why baby heavy hell

    Alone and it’s here it’s this thunder

    The thunder oh thunder

    Oh!

    Jesus built my car

    It’s a love affair

    Mainly jesus and my hot rod

  6. Why no ‘ram-a-lang-a-ding-dong’?

    I feel short-changed.

    PS: See that Sim Wong Hoo? That’s you, that is. That’s who you want to be. You *lurve* him. He’s your boyfriend.

  7. YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA!

    YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA!

    YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA!

    YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA!

    YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA! YADDA!

  8. Let’s not forget the whole

    “… the mini isn’t so in expensive. You can get a really stripped down Dell that is not really comparable to the mini for less money … blah, blah … (head implodes).

  9. Say it with me!

    Heidi-heidi-heidi-HO! (Heidi-heidi-heidi-HO!)

    Heedee-Heedee-Heedee-HI! (Heedee-Heedee-Heedee-HI!)

    Etc.-Etc.! (Etc.-Etc.!)

    NEXT SLIDE PLEASE! (NEXT SLIDE PLEASE!)

    (Whoa. I went way back into the Archives for that one.)

  10. Pull it together people! Don’t you realize what you are doing is wrong? You can’t follow the rumor so closely and you DEFINITELY can’t pull in characters from old posts. Get a grip people, don’t turn this place into some other straight-laced rumor site. We are velcro people.

  11. Velcro is for wimps.

    I prefer leather straps.

    Let’s just say it keeps everything more secure……wink…wink….nudge…nudge.

  12. By the way. Who out there in CARS land is listening to Tom Waits, drinking a pitcher of piña coladas, and brushing up on music theory?

    Anybody?……..or is it just me?

    Holy crap……I’ve been drinking for the last 2 hrs. and I still have not accomplished a thing.

    Oh well it’s Friday……..Yeeeee…Haaaaaa!!!!!!!!

  13. We are velcro, not leather straps. (Velcro sounds cool.)

    The real question for you, Del, is whether you were legal or not. Being illegal makes a horribly nasty and wrong thing so much worse.

  14. Velcro may sound cool, but leather feels soooooo much better.

    And I’m sure that Del was beyond the age of majority. The mighty Del would not stoop so low.

  15. Psyko, I don’t know which one to tell you. You make such a compelling case for both legal and illegal.

    I can’t help the show tunes The Phantom. I grew up watching musicals.

    *Del starts singing showtunes*

    Great now I need to find my “My fair lady”, “Guy’s and Dolls” and many Gene Kelly DVD’s. It will give me something to watch while I’m home sick 🙁

  16. I am Schnappi, the little crocodile

    I come from Egypt, at the river Nile

    First, I was lying in an egg

    Then I chewed my way out

    (chorus)

    schni schna schnappi

    schnappi schnappi schnapp

    schni schna schnappi

    schnappi schnappi schnapp

    I am Schnappi, the little crocodile

    I have sharp teeth, and lots of them

    I chew on everything I can get a hold on

    I chew on everything because I’m so good at it

    (chorus)

    I am Schnappi, the little crocodile

    I like to chew on things, that’s my favorite game

    I sneak up to my mom

    And show her how good i can chew

    (chorus)

    I am Schnappi, the little crocodile

    I will never get enough of chewing

    I chew on daddy’s leg

    Then I go to sleep

    (chorus) 2x

  17. No problem with the show tunes.

    But now that you bring up “Guys And Dolls”, I can’t help thinking about how Jerry Orbach just died.

    Maybe a table dance to “luck be a lady tonight” will cheer me up.

  18. Since we are singing Silly songs today:

    JOEL: Let’s go, Gamera!

    [music starts]

    ALL: Gamera! Gamera!

    Gamera is really neat.

    Gamera is filled with meat.

    We’ve been eating Gamera!

    Shell

    Teeth

    Eyes

    Flames

    Claws

    Breath

    Scales

    Fun!

    TOM: Dr. Forrester is kind of a jerk,

    And Frank is really dumb, too.

    CROW: We have to take part in these lame experiments.

    JOEL: But do we complain?

    TOM: No!

    JOEL: No!

    CROW: Yes!

    TOM: Huh?

    So we hi-keeba all over the place–

    JOEL: –And talk of a thousand wonderful days.

    TOM: Everybody now!

    ALL: Gamera is really sweet,

    He is filled with turtle meat.

    Now we have Commercial Sign!

  19. I now have at least 5 Gamera MST3K episodes. The ones with Joel and that kid. And they’re in a TV control room, not an evil lair.

    Nothing like the original tapes. “Better than 60 minutes”

  20. OK, so it was more than once, but … you know, I was drunk Irish Car Bombs a couple of those times, so I hardly remember them … therefore they don’t count.

    Mmmm…. Irish Car Bombs… ughghghh…. ::drool::

    7

  21. That’s a weird word, “barfly”.

    It looks like it should be pronounced “barf-lee” until you think about what it means. It’s like a really gross adverb, as in “He made his way barfly to the toilet stall.” Although, if it were an adverb, I suppose it would be “barfily.”

    Barfly.

    Isn’t that the name of the dog in “Family Circus”? (No, it’s NOT “Family Circle”, despite the fact that it’s very often presented in a circular format!)

    Barf-lee, bar-fly, barf-lee, bar-fly.

    Weird.

    7

  22. Dear Mr. Moltz,

    Where the hell is the Crazy Apple Help Desk??? It’s been over a month!

    Besides the great show tunes, it’s the only reason I visit your wonderfully beige site.

    Sincerely,

    mg

  23. Here a silly ditty that that could be CARS’ theme song!

    Ding-Ding

    Ding ding ding ding ding

    Here comes my wagon, my wagon

    I hear the keeper calling me

    Ding ding ding ding ding

    Here comes my wagon, my wagon

    To take me back to the nutty factory

    Like all the little nuts that fall

    I’m just a little cracked, that’s all

    Ding ding ding ding ding

    Here comes my wagon, my kiddy car,

    My Bus, WHEEEEE!

    – Rally Club

  24. So that’s why the page is so long today, it’s folks posting show tunes lyrics, MST3K transcripts and all manner of blah blah blah yackety schmackety, blah blah blah

    (props to Taz!)

  25. Show tunes are really dumb people. Get them out of your head. All but Bellidancer that is. My mom taught me that one, Bellidancer, and I think it is really cool.

  26. UhhhDude, that’s just wrong. The worst show tune is thousands of times better than nude Ballmer pics. Your example is like going from snowballs to atomic bombs. Gross escalation… gross… gross… gross!

  27. I’ve done a quick google and there don’t appear to be any so we’ll need to trick some up for you. I’ll get right on it.

  28. Streetrabbit, that is crossing the line. BIG TIME crossing the line. You had better not do anything of the sort.

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