While rumors of an Apple buyout of TiVo are swirling around the Mac web, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed that the transaction will go down next Tuesday at 8:00 PM Eastern, 7:00 Mountain time.
In certain markets, however, the buyout will be preempted by the Seattle Supersonics at the Indiana Pacers or the Atlanta Hawks at the Denver Nuggets.
Sources in the know indicate the buyout will take approximately 40 minutes, but that the two companies have scheduled an hour to allow time for breaks.
The Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg said about the acquisition “One company with money to burn! Another with its life on the line! Is this a match made in heaven, or a recipe for disaster?!”
Sources indicate that before Apple can buy TiVo, it first must climb a ladder suspended over a pit of non-venomous but still icky snakes and then eat a plate full of bugs.
TiVo, in turn, must admit to a solemn-faced Dr. Phil that it has “issues” related to its “relationship” with its “father” but that it feels “really good” just to “let it out.” Dr. Phil will then chastise TiVo for no less than 15 minutes and prescribe a regimen of guilt and introspection before the company seeks further intimacy. At which point TiVo’s shareholders will attempt to block Apple’s acquisition just moments before they learn that they have been voted off the island.
The entire acquisition saga will be must-see corporate drama, but if you miss it during its regular time slot, it will be replayed ad infinitum on FX.
Viewers interested in the Apple acquisition of TiVo may also be interested in watching the Microsoft acquisition of Bungie or the HP acquisition of Compaq.