CARS Visiting Editorialist Series

Crazy Apple Rumors Site is proud to announce an exciting new series that builds on the great tradition of such ongoing CARS series as Crazy Apple Help Desk, Crazy Apple Point/Counterpoint, Inside Apple, CARS Office Update and No Post Today.

Tapping the web community at large, CARS will be inviting experts from far and wide to opine from time to time on subjects Mac. Our Visiting Editorialist Series might have a Cory Doctorow discuss the digital rights management scheme in iTunes. It might have a Dan Gillmor take a look at Apple’s lawsuits against rumor sites and their effect on freedom of the press. It might have a John Carmack analyze the state of gaming on the Mac.

And when I say “a Cory Doctorow”, “a Dan Gillmor” and “a John Carmack” I mean non-famous guys who just happen to have the same names as those famous guys. Because we’d never be able to get the famous guys. For starters, some of them might want to be compensated and we just can’t afford that.

Particularly after we bought that llama.

I don’t know what we were thinking when we did that.

And don’t ask Howard to herd it because you’ll get this long sarcastic tirade about how, ooh, he’s the dog so he must herd other animals, mustn’t he?! Mmm-hmm! And then he’ll ask you if you asked Masako if she would herd it, hmm? Hmm? Have you?! No, you bloody well haven’t!

Sheesh. He’s a little thin-skinned about the whole “dog” thing for a guy who doesn’t think twice about licking his balls at a staff meeting.

Anyway, the premier edition of CARS Visiting Editorialist Series features acclaimed web author Todd Poirot. Todd is the proprietor of the Windows Mega Resource Site and is a long-time advocate of Windows.

Like it really needs one.

But, we asked Todd to write an editorial detailing why he considered Windows superior to the Mac.

That’s… not what he wrote.

Well, take it away, Todd.

The iPod shuffle.

Slim. White. Stylish. Affordable.

That thing is so stupid it pisses me off to look at it.

It has no screen! That’s bullshit! Total bullshit! You MAC users are being scammed!


And, um, all the Windows users also buying iPod shuffles are also being scammed. But I think slightly less so for some reason.

Look, let me explain this to you as simply as I can, just like I explained things to that waiter in Paris who didn’t speeka da Eenglish and wanted to give me that god damn Belgian crap instead of a Bud Lite:

The iPod shuffle is just a fricking flash drive! That plays music! And looks cool!

It’s a scam!

Why don’t you people get that?!

And Macs. I don’t “get” Macs, OK? I’m not “down” with them. I don’t “get my groove on” with OS X, understand? I’m not “jiggie with” how it’s the most user-friendly desktop implementation of UNIX. Savvy? I don’t “drop acid” and “hang out” with my “funky liberal commie pals” in some sort of “multiple-partner sex ring.” Got it?


Well, that was…

OK, that wasn’t a very good start.