04 Apr 05CARS Switches To 24-Hour-A-Day Tiger Coverage.


In order to keep up on the constantly swirling rumors about the release of Tiger which could come…

NOW!

No. No. Not then. But…

NOW!

Well, suffice it to say, any minute now.

NOW!

Hmph.

Anyway, you can see how a rumor site has to keep on top of this situation. In order to accomplish this and be the source for Tiger release information, Crazy Apple Rumors Site is switching to 24-hour-a-day coverage. Here’s a sample of how it will look:

8:00 AM – Just checked Apple’s site. No announcement of Tiger’s release.

8:35 AM – Consumption of multiple donuts and three cups of coffee in 35 minutes forces an early break in 24-hour-a-day coverage.

8:50 AM – Back from break, checked Apple’s site. Still no announcement of Tiger’s release.

9:20 AM – Received call from Chet. Was hoping it was about Tiger, but he just locked himself out of his car. And his house. And he’s only wearing underwear. And it’s not his. I hung up on him. I get a call like that from him… oh… twice a week.

9:45 AM – Checked email for tips from anonymous Apple employees. Nothing. Considered entering business relationship with Dr. Thomas M’Tenga of Nigeria but couldn’t find my checking account number. I did find a Snickers bar.

9:45-10:00 AM – Consumed Snickers bar.

10:00-10:30 AM – Sat staring off into space, paralyzed from sugar and caffeine.

10:30 – Checked Apple’s site. Still no announcement of Tiger’s release.

10:40 – Received a call from the Point Defiance Zoo. They just pulled Ugluk out of the tiger habitat. Talked to him and he said he was trying to “get into their minds – to think like a tiger.” I’d be really pissed at him, except he said he’s just about positive now that Tiger’s going to be released about mid-month. And it’s the best lead we’ve got.

10:50 – Found expired carton of whipping cream in the break room fridge. I really shouldn’t but… I do love whipping cream…

Well. You can pretty much see how that would go.

So, on second thought, let’s not.

No Responses to “CARS Switches To 24-Hour-A-Day Tiger Coverage.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    First read!

  2. UhhhDude says:

    Two!

  3. Peter says:

    third.

  4. UhhhDude says:

    Can’t post now. Just installed Panther on my iMac G4.

    (Yes, I’m way behind the curve. But this is the first Mac I’ve owned that was built in a year starting with a “2.” I think you’ll understand.)

    Mmmmmm…lickable.

  5. “10:00-10:30 AM – Sat staring off into space, paralyzed from sugar and caffeine.”

    Is that all the time you can devote to such a task? Slacker. I do that for at least 3 hours a day.

  6. Peter says:

    i would have posted #1 but i got involved with the area 51 story on the history channel and stopped refreshing the cars window.

  7. weedle19 says:

    seventh

  8. Guy who's irritated by the Amazon ad says:

    Eighth?

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Nth!

  10. Ace Deuce says:

    Mmmmmh… sugar and caffeine..

    I feel a n eleven approaching…

  11. weedle19 says:

    eleventh!

  12. weedle19 says:

    wahoo!

    got it 🙂

  13. Ace Deuce says:

    first eleventh of the evening!

  14. Psyko says:

    Dang, they almost had it there for a second. I swear one of the times I followed the second link Tiger flashed across the screen.

    MARK

  15. Ace Deuce says:

    Dag nab it!

    So it was the second eleventh.

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    It’s here! It’s here! http://www.apple.com/macosx/

    15 minutes to eat a snickers? What in the hell were you doing with that thing?

  17. Streetrabbit says:

    Ubuntu’s got dibs on radical animal names for their releases;

    “The Warty Warthog”

    “The Hoary Hedgehog”

    …and they’re from The Isle of Man. Gotta love a country, county, state, protectorate or whatever that cuts tails of cats.

  18. leftshoe says:

    I’m writing this from a windows machine!!!!

    Muahahahahaa

    what are you going to do about it!!!

    Muahhaahahaaaa!!!!!

  19. TheWereSloth says:

    Point and laugh like a good little mac using prig, of course 🙂

  20. Aimon says:

    Or bitch slap you till you realise the error of your ways

  21. Ace Deuce says:

    When I went to the Point Defiance Zoo, I particularly enjoyed the Beluga exhibit.

    No caviar however, just whales.

    Speaking of Mac OS X 10.4, is it Bengal or Siberian?

  22. appletweak says:

    Hmmm, first the article about ‘schillerworld’, which featured an article about black polo shirts, which were/are/may have been made by ‘le tigre’ which is, as we all know, French for ‘We could call it Mac OS Dookie-Poofs and it will still kick the crap out of longhorn which, we believe, is due out mid- to late-next lifetime.’ That’s a loose translation, of course, since I am not a native speaker, but you get the point.

    I look forward to the 24/hour a day coverage Moltz, so don’t let us down! I expect CARS to be in the top 10 rumor sites to break the release story…well maybe the top 50, er, well, maybe I don’t really expect all that much.

    Would be pretty funny to just put up an article that says ‘FIRST!’ to claim first story…

  23. Tristrami says:

    Scarily, apart from the bit about Uluk, that schedule is reminiscent of many of my recent workdays, and sure as heck I don’t work for an Apple rumor site…

  24. Admiral Kirk, still trying to sound like Commander Kruge says:

    Moltz! Jol yi choo!

  25. April 4 says:

    Who’s underwear was Chet wearing?

  26. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!

    TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!

    TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!

    TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER!

  27. Anonymous says:

    mmmmmm snikers

  28. Bellidancer says:

    Is this what the Internet has done to us? Yes, Tristrami, my schedule is also like yours and John’s, and I’ll bet the schedule of most of the people who read this site. The Internet has ruined us! Our productivity has gone down the tubes, while our obsessive need to the be “in touch”, “up-to-date”, and “informed” has consumed us.

    Streetrabbit, 15 minutes to eat a Snickers bar? Sure. No problem! First since I really am trying to watch my diet, I carefully cut the snickers bar into about twenty thin slices. Then I put the slices in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Then I check the bag in about ten minutes and decide the slices aren’t hard enough and put it back. In another 5 minutes, I check again and decide the snickers is about right. Since, as I said, I am watching my diet I take only one slice. One slice can’t have any calories, it’s just a little taste! Then I put the bag with the rest of the candy back and resolve not to have any more until tomorrow. Tomorrow arrives about ten minutes later, and I have another “little taste”. I put the rest away for another day. Another day arrives about ten minuters later. This time I take two slices. Remember, a slice is only a little taste, really no calories at all. And any math student can tell you no matter how many times you have nothing the result is nothing. But now that I’ve had a “good” taste, I can put the candy away, and definitely not touch it for until tomorrow. After twenty minutes of my mind trying to ignore my taste buds, arguing, pleading, rationalizing, bargaining, I finally decide the only way i will get anything done is to remove the temptation. Throwing the candy would be wasteful. So in order to be more efficient, more effective, and fiscally responsible, I do the only thing I can. I cram the rest of the Snickers in my mouth and eliminate the distraction. 15 minutes is nothing.

  29. Hobbs says:

    No Tiger yet (8:11 PM CST)!

  30. ...House says:

    11:20 PM EDT…Still No Tiger!

    (yeah, not exactly earthshaking, but after not having posted in a while, I’m feeling left out)

  31. Calvin says:

    Very funny, Hobbs.

  32. Steve Jobs says:

    Um, what’s the problem with you guys at CARS?

    I’ve been using Tiger since last June.

    Oh by the way, at this very moment…

    …Tiger is on the Apple Website for pre-order…

    Made ya look!

    Such dolts. You never learn…bwahahahahahaha!

  33. John Moltz says:

    Hey, Admiral Kirk. Do I know you? That was kind of a thing in college.

    At any rate, hate to disappoint, but that was Maltz. Look it up, since you like IMDB.