CARS Switches To 24-Hour-A-Day Tiger Coverage.

In order to keep up on the constantly swirling rumors about the release of Tiger which could come…


No. No. Not then. But…


Well, suffice it to say, any minute now.



Anyway, you can see how a rumor site has to keep on top of this situation. In order to accomplish this and be the source for Tiger release information, Crazy Apple Rumors Site is switching to 24-hour-a-day coverage. Here’s a sample of how it will look:

8:00 AM – Just checked Apple’s site. No announcement of Tiger’s release.

8:35 AM – Consumption of multiple donuts and three cups of coffee in 35 minutes forces an early break in 24-hour-a-day coverage.

8:50 AM – Back from break, checked Apple’s site. Still no announcement of Tiger’s release.

9:20 AM – Received call from Chet. Was hoping it was about Tiger, but he just locked himself out of his car. And his house. And he’s only wearing underwear. And it’s not his. I hung up on him. I get a call like that from him… oh… twice a week.

9:45 AM – Checked email for tips from anonymous Apple employees. Nothing. Considered entering business relationship with Dr. Thomas M’Tenga of Nigeria but couldn’t find my checking account number. I did find a Snickers bar.

9:45-10:00 AM – Consumed Snickers bar.

10:00-10:30 AM – Sat staring off into space, paralyzed from sugar and caffeine.

10:30 – Checked Apple’s site. Still no announcement of Tiger’s release.

10:40 – Received a call from the Point Defiance Zoo. They just pulled Ugluk out of the tiger habitat. Talked to him and he said he was trying to “get into their minds – to think like a tiger.” I’d be really pissed at him, except he said he’s just about positive now that Tiger’s going to be released about mid-month. And it’s the best lead we’ve got.

10:50 – Found expired carton of whipping cream in the break room fridge. I really shouldn’t but… I do love whipping cream…

Well. You can pretty much see how that would go.

So, on second thought, let’s not.