06 May 05Special Feature: Crazy Apple Personal Ads.


As a community service to the Mac community, Crazy Apple Rumors Site preempts this week’s edition of the Help Desk to bring you Crazy Apple Personal Ads. Yes, Mac lovers need love too, and they only want it from other Mac users.

OK, yes, some of you are only interested in sex.


DESPERATELY SEEKING BACKUP.
Me: 30-something, recent Tiger purchaser looking to upgrade but afraid of data loss. Been hurt b4. Experienced, but need a soft touch. You: 28-42, sensitive, gentle, but equipped with large, throbbing, backup drive and know how to plug it into my firmware. Let’s meet 4 coffee, talk, light file sharing and c were it goes. Will u b the 1 2 satisfy my needs? Mailbox 302.


READY 4 COMMITMENT.
Bleeding edge upgrade junkie seeks fulfillment of Madonna/whore complex. Multiple machine user but ready 2 settle down with right Mac-using gal. Me: 42-YO, no prior LTRs, but many, many STRs. Some on the same day. Power Mac G5 over-clocked, but virus-free. Frequently distracted by shiny objects. You: Power-user, but no know-it-alls. Strong personality, but not too strong. Sophisticated, but down-to-earth. Dreamer with feet on the ground. A wildcat in the sack with a filthy mouth at the right moment, but able 2 spend Sundays at church pancake breakfast with my 80-YO mother and not raise eyebrows. Age negotiable, but 20-something bi-curious with big tits a +. Mailbox 448.


LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT.
GWM (gay white Mac-user), 30-something, looking for same. Me: not ripped, but in good shape. UB same. Me: interested in graphics, Garage Band and The Office. UB same. Me: 5′ 11′ with blonde hair. UB same. Me: sarcastic sense of humor but positive outlook on life with Zoroastrian belief system and double-jointed thumbs. UB same. Me: once bitten by small schnauzer on right ankle. UB same.

Actually, you know what? Forget it. I’ll just look in the mirror and take care of the rest myself.


DO U WANT TO PLAY A GAME?
Serious Mac gamer looking for assistance in breeding more Mac gamers to increase demand 4 Mac games. Me: interested in gaming. You: Female. Mailbox 627.

Oh, and 20-something bi-curious with big tits a +.

No Responses to “Special Feature: Crazy Apple Personal Ads.”

  1. Feiler says:

    Firstest

  2. comacnut says:

    Hello?

  3. Zeb says:

    OMG!! 2nd!!!

  4. comacnut says:

    I thought I was going to be first for once.

  5. 01 says:

    Mailbox 404

  6. Ozi says:

    hahaha. The Schnauzer thing cracked me up. 🙂

    And yeah, if we could encourage two mac gamers to breed, it would be a big help. It still won’t get us CS, but it might help.

  7. UhhhDude says:

    SevenSevenSeven. Oh, and hold me.

  8. ___ says:

    have sex with the girl, drive home and get on the internet and post 8th

    wtf?

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Nth.

    Neither micro nor soft, babe.

  10. v says:

    Is it ok for a mac/console gamer and a … well, she isn’t exactly a pc gamer. She really just plays World of Warcraft… really! So, um, would the progeny just be MMO-ers, or would they be general gamers, or…?

    I really need to know before I can take my relationship ‘2 D MAX™ ExZTREEM©’ as the kids say. WTB ANSWERS!! PST!

  11. V says:

    Oh, by the way — 11th.

  12. Phil Schiller says:

    Sorry girls, I’m spoken for.

    Love,

    Phil.

  13. Steve Ballmer says:

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! GIVE IT UP! GIVE IT UP FOR MEEEEEEEE!

  14. Steve Ballmer says:

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH! GIVE IT UP! GIVE IT UP FOR MEEEEEEEE!

  15. 2000guitars says:

    that’s just wrong in so many ways

  16. JAV says:

    Apple Tiger engineer seeking female. I like walks on the beach.

  17. Ugly John says:

    UGLY JOHN SEEKING ANYTHING. CALL ME. MY NUMBER IS AARRRGHGGHHH!!!!!!! UGLY JOHN!!!!! UGLY UGLY JOHN!!!!!

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    I couldn’t understand why there was no CARS today.

    Then I turned off NetNanny.

    Hottest site on the net.

  19. Easy says:

    Switcher, needs help with new interface. Willing to share plug-ins.

  20. How do I get in touch with the last one?

  21. Sigmund Freud says:

    Oi vay!

    So many people with ze problems! But I think these are all just ze figments of Howard’s imagination again. He is a very complex dog. With many needs.

    Here pouchy, pouchy.

  22. Psyko says:

    “Serious Mac gamer looking for assistance in breeding more Mac gamers to increase demand 4 Mac games.”

    The only one I really enjoyed.

    MARK

  23. appletweak says:

    Aw, c’mon psyko, ‘big tis a +’ was pretty funny. A little low-brow for the high quality content we expect from CARS, admittedly, but…oh wait…sorry.

    boooooobieeees! wooot! moooooooo!

  24. greenacres says:

    Not just boobies, appletweak, BIG boobies!!! yaaaahhoooooooo!

  25. Ozi says:

    Dolly-Parton-esque boobies!!!! 😮

    OK maybe not that big. But you get the picture.

  26. Mr. T says:

    Since when is Masako a lesbian?

  27. Huck says:

    Did you know that weather balloons are frequently about eight feet across? So two of them would be about sixteen feet across.

    I can’t imagine what brought that on.

  28. weedle says:

    Ok, so it’s taken me most of the day but I think I finally figured out that 3 would be about 24 feet?

    Man, that is just amazing!

    Do you suppose we could figure out how many feet across 4 would be?

  29. Ozi says:

    Good on the Radiosonde!

    Love your work, Huck. How goes the MEGAprist?

  30. Del says:

    You know I have a lot of comments to make about Mr. Ready 4 commitment. I think it’s very sexist and ve….hhheeeyyy loook shiny

    *stares at shiny for long time*

  31. scared monster says:

    iMac wants to FireWire your usb. Schnitzel allowed.

    (No CARS today? Way to Iran? To Vatican on the knees? Bar Mitzvah headache? Bit by muskrat? Hello? Is there somebody out there? Just nod if you can hear me, is there anyone at home?)

  32. Your knots are mine. The hat is yours. Don’t ask.

    If you aren’t wearing straps, you are evil. That’s common knowledge. Now go away.