10 May 05Tiger Suffers Dashboard Setback.


No sooner had many Mac users installed Tiger than news broke of a potentially devastating method of using a malware Dashboard widget to perform any task a user is capable of, such as deleting files from the Home directory.

While little has come of Arlo Rose’s threats to create a Doomsday Widget, there is concern that others who might harbor ill will toward OS X, Apple or Mac users in general might exploit Dashboard’s flaws.

Attempting to squash the panic that has swept through the Macintosh community and threatened to slow the adoption rate of Tiger, Apple CEO Steve Jobs convened an impromptu press conference today to address the issue.

According to Jobs, “There is little or no evidence that nefarious parties – disgruntled former Apple employees, the Japanese yakuza, evil Nazi scientists seeking to re-animate Hitler’s brain, what have you – have so far sought to create any kind of ‘Doomsday Widget.’

“While it is technically possible to trash all of a user’s files through such a widget,” Jobs continued, “I want to stress as emphatically as I can that it is not – repeat, not – possible for you to contract a bad case of the clap through a widget. Not possible. I know there were some rumors floating around the lunch room at a junior high school in White Plains… but… um… just wanted to clear that up.”

Jobs indicated that Apple programmers were hard at work creating a counter-measure to a potential Macintosh catastrophe, the like of which has not been seen since the release of Microsoft Word 6.0.

“We have our top people working on this around the clock,” Jobs said.

“Sina,” he called out to Senior Vice President of Applications Sina Tamaddon. “Who do we have working on this?”

“Um,” Tamaddon stammered, shuffling quickly through some papers.

“Gordy.”

“What?” Jobs asked. “No. Not Gordy. Gordy’s… he’s… We need our top people on this, Sina.”

“Gordy wasn’t doing anything, so…”

“Yeah, there’s a reason for that,” Jobs said. “Well, anyway, we’re going to get our top people on this. Not Gordy.”

Meanwhile, widget downloads have slowed to a crawl on Apple’s web site, prompting the company to give many of them away for free in order to boost traffic.

No Responses to “Tiger Suffers Dashboard Setback.”

  1. Bellidancer says:

    First?

  2. Bellidancer says:

    Wow! This is too early.

  3. glenster says:

    Hey… I’ll keep you company!

  4. Bellidancer says:

    I have been following this widget scare. How weird is it that sites are advertising bad widget? “Come here and download a kind’a bad widget” or “download this mildly dangerous widget”. I’m tempted but I usually can resist doing potentially dangerous and obviously stupid things. I am proud to admit I haven’t ever gone sky diving, or bungee jumping, or gotten into a drinking contest with the crew over in the Mega-Post.

  5. K.S. 3.0.8 says:

    flippity five

  6. Bellidancer says:

    Hey, leave Gordy alone. That whole situtation with the iToast project was not his fault. The project specs were way too vague and when Jobs changed the default bread from Wonder Enriched White Bread to Mother Earth’s Whole Grain Macrobiotic Loaf six months into the coding, well, even the Woz couldn’t have saved the mess.

  7. Senator K says:

    347

  8. ...House says:

    GrrrEight!

  9. Bellidancer says:

    Hey, CARS should design and post a widget! Something bizarre, and weird and funny. Alot of us would like a CARS status widget. A counter tracking the minutes since the last story, with the number of reader comments, and a dancing sexbot, ( like the Hula Girl only hot!)

  10. Streetrabbit says:

    How about a Gidget? Could you contract a bad case of the clap from a Gidget?

  11. ...House says:

    I think it actually says something about the OS that when an actual, exploitable security hole comes along, everyone gets all atwitter and, as Bellidancer points out, sites pop up offering to help you exploit your hole…like, “hee, hee, this is so cool! Look, now we have a security hole too!”

    Hmm…exploit your hole, perhaps it’s something requiring an MP ‘bot after all….

  12. Bellidancer says:

    Errr….. No, I did not download the Hula Girl. I just heard about it. Really… No, really…

  13. ...House says:

    And, yes, I will officially claim 11th – got it without even trying!

  14. Bellidancer says:

    Gasp! All this talking about “pop up” and “exploit your hole”! I’m going to bed. TO SLEEP you fowl minded psychos ( whoops… sorry Psycho, if you’re lurking out there!)

  15. ...House says:

    So, Bellidancer, is it all psychos (not Psyko, of course) that you are implying are “chicken-sleepers” or just that we up-popping, hole-exploiting brand of psychos are poultry-philanderers…?

  16. The Sponge says:

    Turn off Open “Safe” Files After Downloading. That fixes it. Fixes it real good. Fixes it like a nice hot… warm… smooth… lovemakin’ session, baby.

  17. 2000guitars says:

    Are we talking about widgeting, or wankering? I was confused.

  18. scared monster says:

    NO VAY!! YOU ARE LOST! ICH HAF MADE A DOOMSTAG VIDGET! YOU ALLREDY DANLOADED IT!! IT MAKES YOU VANT TO VANK!! ALL ZE DAY!! SUCKS YOUR SICK BRAINZ OUT !! ICH BIN ZE KING OF ZE VOOOORLD!!!!

  19. scared monster says:

    Huh…how to say…

    er…

    sorry.

  20. scared monster says:

    20th!

  21. dan says:

    Poor Gordy.

  22. Hobbs says:

    The link to Arlo’s Doomsday widget and its content that was so prescient of future events!

    Who would have thunk!

    Excellent! u guys rock!

  23. Ugly John says:

    UGLY JOHN!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! UGLY JOHN!!!!!!!

  24. Gordy says:

    Hey Steve I fixed it! I made an auto installing widget that does rm -rf * That gets rid of all the bad widgets!

    I put in in Software Update and on the website last night. All those evil widgets should be gone.

  25. Del says:

    To Quote Bellidancer:

    “I’m tempted but I usually can resist doing potentially dangerous and obviously stupid things. I am proud to admit I haven’t ever gone sky diving, or bungee jumping, or gotten into a drinking contest with the crew over in the Mega-Post.”

    I have done all these things, but I can still resist downloading an evil widget.

  26. greenacres says:

    Now if Gordy has only made the widget sudo to root before the widget ran that command…

  27. Gidget says:

    Bad News, Streetrabbit. The test results say I have the clap, which means you probably do too. Sorry.

  28. Del says:

    Sudo would require the user to enter their password. They might decline to do it then 🙂

  29. Crazy Dell User says:

    What’s a widget?

  30. Jason Young says:

    Maybe not, but maybe someone is constructing a nude bomb.

    It could happen:

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081249/

  31. Uf Da! says:

    Du hast eines kleines mann im ohr!

    Du hat nicht alle taschen im shcrank!

    Okay, so taht’s all the German insults I remember from High School (back in what, 1972?)

    We vill oferkompf!

  32. 2 out of 3 says:

    Commodore Matt Decker: Didn’t he pilot a shuttle craft into the Doomsday Widget of Death. Giving Kirk the idea to do the same but with some big ass broken down Enterprise look-a-like ship ?

  33. UhhhDude says:

    Yeah, I downloaded this widget, and it showed up on my dashboard. My car’s dashboard.

    I get much better gas mileage, however. I just had to get used to those occasional temporal rifts that pulled me into an alternate universe where the Commodore Amiga is the dominant platform….

    (Yeah, I’m a Mac guy, but would that be so bad? I mean, Commodore v. Apple instead of Microshaft v. Apple? At least the dominant OS wouldn’t suck so much.)