12 May 05Crazy Apple Point/CounterPoint


With the release of Tiger, Apple has further confounded user interface wonks. First OS X was very stripy, then it was less stripy but with some apps inexplicably brushed metal. Now some apps, like Mail, have smooth windows in the foreground and stripy windows in the background while others, like Safari, are still brushed metal all the time. What gives?

To examine this question, we’ve asked New York Times art critic Michael Kimmelman, who will take the pro-Apple side, to debate Beast, the Great Destroyer, a demonic force of ancient origin, who will take the anti-Apple side.

Mr. Kimmelman, you’re first.


KIMMELMAN: Brushed metal. Hard. Cold. Utilitarian. Unyielding. Yet it draws our touch as quickly as do the softest silks of Asia. Indeed, if ever there were an interface so soft and smooth as silk, it would be that of Mail 2.0. As Safari is dark and forbidden, Mail shines true as the purest silver. Apple’s contrasts are stark, but meaningful. Mail displays one’s inner light through words, while Safari is capable of dredging up the most bitter filth of the Internet where one best be shielded by… brushed metal. Truly the balance of yin and yang are on full display in Apple’s choice of window appearance. Bravo, Apple. Bravo.


Beautiful. Beast, the Great Destroyer?


BEAST, THE GREAT DESTROYER: APPLE’S INTERFACE DESIGN IS A HORRIBLE CONGLOMORATION OF SLAPPED-TOGETHER CONCEPTS THAT LEAD TO A JARRING USER EXPERIENCE. SWITCHING BETWEEN APPLICATIONS, ONE NEVER KNOWS WHAT TO EXPECT. CLEARLY THE SOFTWARE ENGINEERS AT APPLE WERE MARRIED TO DIVIDED IDEAS OF “WHAT LOOKS GOOD” AND IGNORED EVEN THEIR OWN PUBLISHED RULES. THE CONTRAST BETWEEN SAFARI AND THE ILIFE APPLICATIONS AND NEARLY EVERY OTHER APPLICATION IS AN UNNECESSARY DISTRACTION IN AN OTHERWISE ELEGANT INTERFACE.


Hmm. Beast, the Great Destroyer, was much better prepared than I thought he’d be. Kind of a letdown, actually.


BEAST, THE GREAT DESTROYER: IF IT’S ANY CONSOLATION, I ATE THE SOUL OF THAT GUY FROM THE TIMES.


Oh. Well… that’s something, I guess.


BEAST, THE GREAT DESTROYER: I… COULD EAT YOUR SOUL.


Mmm… no, thanks.


BEAST, THE GREAT DESTROYER: JUST TRYING TO HELP.


And I appreciate that.

No Responses to “Crazy Apple Point/CounterPoint”

  1. Feiler says:

    Even more Firsterer

  2. ARGRH!! WHY DID I READ THE STORY FIRST?!

  3. But hey, second and third post!

  4. Fourth. Nice even number.

  5. weedle19 says:

    5th-ish

  6. appletweak says:

    I got sex!

  7. appletweak says:

    Sorry I must comment, I know it’s early, but I just got sex, so you need to cut me some slack.

    The story is fundamentally flawed: It is a well known fact that New York Times critics are already soulless and destined for fiery damnation in a journalistic hell the requires thought, research and insight, for which they will be eternally unprepared.

    So the question is, whose soul did Beast, the Great Destroyer devour? Discuss.

  8. Huck says:

    I JUST ATE THE SOUL OF BEAST, THE GREAT DESTROYER. FOR THE NEXT CRAZY APPLE POINT/COUNTER POINT, YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

  9. gingersex says:

    David Soul?

  10. Huh? says:

    I and my pants do not want number eleven.

    moo

  11. Huh? says:

    I will take it given the chance, though

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    As a daily user of Lotus Notes I’d just like to say I’ve got no issue with the minor inconsistencies present in Apple UIs.

    Thank you.

  13. scared monster says:

    The 13 lucky post!

  14. scared monster says:

    Gosh…I hope this highly rated news won’t be suppressed…I fear that Apple’s lawyer don’t like the CAPS LETTERS…

  15. vans says:

    Just to clarify:

    Did. Not. Know. That.

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    Come on, tell us where the post went.

    Don’t worry about any of that legal mumbo jumbo your lawyers are telling you.

    Tell us. We can help. You know it makes sense.

  17. Jon says:

    You know you want to.

    You’ll feel better afterward, like a great weight has been lifted.

    (Plus, we’re nosy.)

  18. Del says:

    Hey Beast, the Great Destroyer I haven’t seen you since that party that Death had a couple months ago. How’s the little squid? Cthulhu and GLAARKU are coming over tonight to party and devour souls. Plus we’re gonna prank call Tentaculous.

    It will be great.

  19. Bellidancer says:

    Appletweak is right, This story does have some significant flaws. First, we are asked to believe a NY TImes Art Critic has a soul. Come on!

    Second, what’s a discussion of Apple interface design without mentioning Aqua? I imagine Beast would be a great exponent of the lickable GUI. (Actually, as a demonic force of ancient origin who takes the anti-Apple side, I am surprised it doesn’t prefer the ripping, tearing, and devouring interface otherwise know as Windows XP Professional. Windows XP Home of course being the whining, sniveling, and fussy eating GUI.)

    Third, there is no third, the discussion ended too soon because CARS failed to protect its guest commentators.(from each other!) This is just bad journalism, guys. Imagine watching Jerry Springer and in the first 5 minutes one guest picks up a chair and decks the rest of the guests, (ok, that is not hard to imagine, but stay with me here.) As the scene clears and the dead and wounded are removed from the set, Jerry is left sitting there with the homicidal guest and 50 minutes left to go. Now Jerry has a fall back. He can always spend the rest of the show baiting the audience and the guest into mutual exchanges of hate and venom. CARS doesn’t have that luxury. You have got to preserve your guests until you have the whole story and not allow them to kill each other off too soon. Of course, once you have the story, the continued exsistance of the the guests is irrelevant, (unless you plan to bring a guest back).

    Hey Del, you run with some pretty heavy hitters. But is it really wise to invite them over to your place? I’ll bet they leave your place a mess. I’ll bet none of those clowns bothers to clean up their empties. (You know the lifeless, torn husks of bloody and decomposing human flesh.)

  20. Godzilla! says:

    I’m guessing he devoured Seoul, South Korea. By the time I got there it was already in ruins. Oh well, on to Tokyo!

    Oh, and I’d like to know what happened to the missing post too. Don’t make me crush your city Moltz.

  21. Mark Twain says:

    As for that NYT’s reporter, he is endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie, I say he is dead and buried now, though; let him rest, let him rot. Let his vices be forgotten, but his virtues be remembered; it will not infringe much upon any man’s time. Since he is now dead, I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

    And as for the Beast The Great Destroyer, I say I do not believe I could learn to like him except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. He’s a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity

    As for CARS, It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

  22. CTHULHU says:

    TRUE AVATARS OF EVIL CARE NOT FOR YOUR PUNY-HUMAN INTERFACE GUIDELINES! STEVE, IN HIS DEMON-GOD POSSESSED STATE, KNOWS THIS FULL-WELL!!

    THE WHIMS OF STEVE SHALL PREVAIL!!!

    OH, AND DEL IS ALRIGHT–HE NEVER COMPLAINS ABOUT THE STATE OF UNSPEAKABLE HORROR IN WHICH THE PARTIES OF WHICH HE SPEAKS LEAVE THE CARPET!!!!! NOT TO MENTION THE WAY TENTACULOUS ALWAYS FALLS FOR THE PRANK-CALL THING!!!!!!!

  23. Chris says:

    Any chance of CARS getting a mention on The O.C.? George Lucas was on last night, in an obvious plug for the new Star Wars movie, followed by a Burger King commercial with Yoda in it. I see an episode of The O.C. next fall with the Seth Cohen character dropping a reference to CARS in one of his stream of consciousness monologues.

  24. Del says:

    Cthulhu did you you forget? Del’s a SHE! I mean I know you were totally wasted at that last party we were at, but you remember I explained the difference in genitalia. Don’t make me get out the anatomically correct hand puppets again.

  25. The Sponge says:

    Meh. There’s been better.

    *soul eaten*

    What… I… meant… is… that… this… is… the… best… point… counter… point… ever…

    Beast… is… our… over… lord…

  26. P says:

    Hahaha!

    Apple screws it’s customers yet again. Paying double for half the performance and no customization. Sweet. Hey, why don’t you just peer into your Mac and upgrade. Oh, you can’t cause it’s sealed? Shame…still, better get this thread off of your site before Jobs and his cronies decide to sue you for leaking specs.

    BTW, I especially enjoy your demonization of anything non-Apple. It’s clear this has become a religious issue since at this point you require such blind allegiance to keep plugging the company line. Wanna try throwing some specs out? Ummm…make sure the company didn’t lie about them first:

    http://www.cynics.info/journal/2004/02/whats_wrong_with_apple

  27. Hobbs says:

    This just in. In the neXt version of Mac Os X, each application will sport its own distinctive look and feel!

  28. Hobbs says:

    Hey I thought this was a rumor/humour site with little regard for the truth. I just checked Mail and goddamit (excusez moi francais), the window in the back IS ‘striped’ albeit ever so faintly. U guys rock!

    But don’t U guys have better things to do then peer closely at the GUI!

    Never mind!

  29. Bellidancer says:

    Don’t you just hate drive-by rants by ignorant clueless anti-Mac bigots? “P”, what kind of alias is that?

    Hey, John, any way you can block comments by any one who hasn’t READ CARS for at least a week?

  30. Huh? says:

    SWEEET! I just LOVE those puppets! Especially the way you can… uh…

    um.

    Nevermind…

  31. Bellidancer says:

    Del, we all want a puppet show!

  32. Hobbs says:

    Let the PC user be.

    They need to visit a humor site from time to time to relax- using a PC can be hard and make one take a bleak view of the world.

  33. Anonymous says:

    Bellidancer the mess really isn’t so bad. I have five hungry cats that will clean up most of what they leave and what the cats don’t want I can throw outside for the coyotes. Plus I get to keep whatever I can loot off the corpses. I usually end up breaking even.

    Ok everyone wants a puppet show? Here we go.

    *Del pulls out 3 puppets. One is obviously male, one is obviously female and the other is obviously a transdimensional space squid. All the puppets are very naked.*

    This is the boy puppet. You can tell by the um… hangy part. Their souls generally have a salty flavor.

    This is the girl puppet. You see she has a lack of the hangy part and she has the two soft pillows on her chest area. Girl’s souls taste like chocolate. That’s why when you get those cravings you usually mash the souls of a boy and girl together before you eat them.

    This is the transdimensional space squid like yourself. See it has all those flesh rending tentacles.

    CTHULU: TELL ME A STORY WITH THE PUPPETS. TELL ME THE ONE WHERE THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL SPACE SQUID EATS EVERYONE. I LIKE THAT STORY. PLEASE!

    Del: Ok, but this time no eating the puppets and you have to go to bed right after.

    CTHULU: OK

    *Del sits down and begins acting out a story where boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back, and then they both get horribly murdered and eaten with their souls in forever torment by the transdimensional space squid. *

  34. Huck impersonator says:

    Well done, Mr. Twain. I have always enjoyed your epistles. However, I believe you meant to say “obsequies.”

  35. Bellidancer says:

    *Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap Clap *

  36. Anonymous says:

    Bellidancer has the clap 🙂

  37. Del says:

    Just realized I forgot to click the remember info button

  38. scared monster says:

    Shit.

    Apple computers must have some kind of nefast waves ravaging your sick souls.

    Like a stupid tune getting in your head, then turning ’round ‘n’ taking more ‘n more place ‘n getting me nervous T’S NOT ME SIR T’S THE VOICES I DIDN’T DO IT NO PLIZ NOT ZE MUSKRAT I VILL DO LE NOTHING VIZ ZE DOOM VIDGET LEAVE ME ELOWNE SIR I VILL NOT DOO IT EGAIN

  39. scared monster says:

    AND YES MONSIEUR I VAS SINKING ABOUT MC CARTNEY’S TUNES

  40. scared monster says:

    Gosh,

    I hate when it happens.

    Sorry.

  41. UhhhDude says:

    You’ll have to forgive P (original, huh!) for thinking we’re a bunch of zealots. He’s just stuck in a trans-dimensional temporal shift caused by PC pundits who accuse Apple of copying features from a Windows OS that hasn’t been released yet.

    That, along with the malware/spyware issues, can cause anyone to fall victim to a wrinkle in time.

    Plus, he probably uses a Tablet PC, which have been known to devour the souls of their users.

  42. Streetrabbit says:

    But he did point us to a blog article, I mean you can’t argue with hard fact. Can you?

  43. appletweak says:

    Del that was the best puppet show ever! You need to send pictures of your parties out! I can see it now….

    *dissolve into Del’s quaint and tastefully decorated living room*

    There are the bloodied remains or empty, deflated soulless pc users and NY Times journalists strewn about the floor getting soggy in a pool of entrails, bile and gooey flesh. The script kitties are busy chewing up the tasty bits from the bodies and writing viruses for the surviving pc users so they will be easier to shred and devour later with killer ninja moves. In the corner, on the couch, CTHULU and BEAST are watching, enraptured, as Del does unspeakable things with very realistic, anatomically correct puppets. The TV sits ignored in the corner playing random horror movies and half-empty bottles of icewine float in the liquid gore that covers the floor. Unexpectedly (because NO ONE expects the inquisition), in breaks the Inquisition and DEMANDS pudding.

    *dissolve back to CARS*

    Yeah, that would be good times.

  44. John Moltz says:

    Wow. Can you imagine trolling *this* site? Someone needs some hobbies, because… wow.

    Reading the post P was kind enough to provide a link to, I’m flabbergasted.

    It is truly a devastating attack (albeit over a year old) what with the claims of customer service problems in Apple Singapore (well, that’s the last time I’ll take my business THERE!) and the fact that it took them some time to get the iTMS to other countries. Sure, each complaint on its own is rather small potatoes, but when you put them all together you can just make out the man on the grassy knoll.

    (I do believe that somewhere a village is missing its idiot.)

  45. Del says:

    Appletweak you know me too well. That is almost exactly how the party is going except the icewine is completely gone. GLAARKU is out picking up some more. He also said he was gonna pick up some chicks while he was out. That has me a little worried. Last time he said that he came back with chickens. I guess he thought they were the same thing.

    The Inquisition is ALWAYS looking for pudding. At every party that is all we here, “Where’s the pudding who’s got the pudding.” What a drag. Sometime I’m not gonna have pudding just to teach him a lesson. I told him he shouldn’t eat Bill Cosby’s soul. Now he is such a bore.

    The script kitties are releasing a new horror as I type. Supposidly it will break all Windows users spirits and make their souls easy for harvesting. All in all a pretty normal Friday for the me, oops I’m requested to start the next act in the puppet show.

  46. Sigmund Freud says:

    P exposed! (Not your little Johnson, the author “P”).

    “P” is obviously Paul Thurott, known Windows blogger and Bill’s bitch. Paul also posts as an obnoxious troll on MacOberver under the pseudonym “Reality Check” (which he is anything but).

  47. Streetrabbit says:

    But I can remember when I first “switched” and I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.

    GLAARKU would tell me to smash things, mostly keyboards and screens because they offended the MAC MINI.

    One of the ways I tried to resist was by posting baited articles here, but it was no use.

    Given time P will come to understand the true way of the shiny.

    Welcome brother.

  48. CTHULHU says:

    HE, SHE… IT MATTERS NOT! ALL PUNY MORTALS ARE ALIKE TO ME!! THE ONLY NOTICABLE DIFFERENCE IS THAT SOME SOULS TASTE BETTER THAN OTHERS!!!

    EVER SUCK OUT A SOUL ONLY TO FIND IT’S NOT ONE YOU LIKE?!!!! THEN, TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, YOU HAVE TO TRY AND PUT IT BACK WITHOUT ANYONE CATCHING YOU AT IT!!!!!!!

  49. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

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