Stream Of Consciousness Editorial

I’d like to talk about subject that’s near and dear to the hearts of Mac users anywhere.

Ladies undergarments. I’m wearing them – something more sleek than frilly – but you’ll never guess where.

But that won’t stop certain na’er-do-wells from from complaining that Apple needs to improve its customer service or that there are massive quality control issues with Apple’s products or that the particular Power Mac they bought was filled with peanut butter and they didn’t order any factory-installed peanut butter.

Which brings me to another point: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Can I believe it’s not butter? Sure. But I’ve been eating margarine for over 35 years, often by the tub-full, and I can’t believe I’ve only now come to recognize how great I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is.

Still, there are a number of reasons one might take umbrage at claims that the Mac is not as fast as its PC competitors. The first is the sense of ennui brought on by facing an early 21st century angst about post-boom economic realities that force a certain Machiavellian necessity about one’s sense of place in a difficult job market.

The third is a quarter cup of lemon juice poured directly onto one’s eyeball, while a sack full of earwigs is emptied into the pants. It’s as painful a method I know of to attract attention to the value of using a stable, Unix-based operating system in corporate enterprise environments. But, as they say, no pain, no gain.

They also talk a lot about the need to get vertical market applications for would-be switchers in the medical colonoscopy field, but I wouldn’t want to be part of that beta program, would you?

There are several reasons to suspect that Apple Senior Vice President of Retail Ron Johnson has been nagged by severe psoriasis over the last few weeks, not the least of which is the prodigious piles of his own skin that have been found under every chair he’s been in. That’s of little concern to PowerBook users who have spotty Airport reception, though. Tell them about it, and you’ll get hit in the head with a sock full of chiggers.

In conclusion, there are many valid arguments to be made that Spotlight is nothing but eye candy that just happens to have substantial functionality that isn’t available in any competing operating system. Unfortunately, these arguments are currently only being made by monkeys in little fez hats and can hardly be taken seriously.