05 Jul 05Male Mac Users Find New Apple of Their Eye.

In the tradition of Ellen Feiss, Danika Cleary and the chick in the MacMall ads, Mac users have a new girlfriend who isn’t really their girlfriend, thanks to iChat AV 3.0..

Apple recently announced that the latest version of iChat has already had remarkable adoption, with over 70 percent of Tiger users having successfully conducted multi-person voice and video chats. But according to Apple spokesperson Uwe Shaw, over 90 percent of those users are men using it vainly trying to video iChat with the hot iChat AV 3.0 demo woman “Linda.”

While good looking, Shaw said, Linda may appear to most viewers as extremely hot because she is always juxtaposed next to dorks.

“Eight-three percent of the men at Apple are dorks,” Shaw said. “There are some exceptions. You know, Jobs, Joz [Greg Jozwiak], that guy who plays guitar down the hall… and I think that’s it. Maybe it’s more like 99 percent.”

Linda’s identity is unknown beyond her first name, but her ubiquitous appearance throughout iChat AV 3.0 advertising has made her the object of desire for these desperate, lonely Tiger users, Shaw said.

According to Shaw, Apple’s research indicates that most male Mac users outside of corporations pathetically believe that chicks dig Macs, and are therefore also likely to dig the men who use them.

“Actually,” Shaw said, pausing to look at some documents on his desk, “that’s also true of male Mac users inside of corporations. So, any heterosexual male Mac user. Yep.”

In sharp contrast, Shaw noted, most female Mac users are trying to get work done and wish the male Mac users would just shut up so that they can concentrate.

Undeterred, however, lonely male Mac users have taken to Linda like doe-eyed puppies to a bowl of milk.

“Linda wears glasses and has her hair swept back over her ears,” noted Mac user Jon Eckard, mooning over what he called “Linda’s page” on Apple’s web site. “That means she’s approachable.

“Not to me, of course, because I would never approach someone as hot as Linda.”

Indeed, Linda’s appearance has prompted many a socially deprived Mac user to note that she reminds them of Lisa Loeb or that girl they knew in high school who always smiled at them but they were too afraid to talk to.

While Apple declined to make Linda available for comment, it did release this statement from her: “No, I am not free Saturday night. No, I won’t tell you my .Mac account name. Please stop standing on the lawn outside One Infinite Loop holding up a boom box playing Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes.’ It’s not romantic, it’s creepy.”

No Responses to “Male Mac Users Find New Apple of Their Eye.”

  1. Anonymous says:


  2. francsapa says:

    and segundo

  3. Jason Terhorst says:

    Man, where do you guys come up with these stories??!

    — third??

  4. Ace Deuce says:


  5. Ace Deuce says:

    Okay fifth!

  6. K.S. says:


  7. K.S. says:

    guess not

  8. John Moltz says:

    Hey, one minute between posting and the first post. Pretty good.

    You know, kids, we’ve never had a first post in the same minute as the post. It is the Holy Grail of first posts.

  9. francsapa says:

    I dunno… Linda kinda reminds me my auntie Polly…

  10. PoisedNoise says:

    I think she’s vile. So there.

    ..someone take 11 now…

  11. Carl says:

    It’s like first times a MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLION. Or 11.

  12. Nnnx says:

    No Linda this side of pond. Will go and lay on railway line. Forgot. British Rail privatised so no trains. Life would be better under Steve.

    No Moltz for King.

  13. Carl says:

    Wow, that felt even better than the time I got first.

  14. 2000guitars says:

    ah, so THAT’s why I can’t find her on ichat… I thought she came with it…

  15. Huck says:

    “In the tradition of Ellen Feiss, Danika Cleary and the chick in the MacMall ads, Mac users have a new girlfriend who isn’t really their girlfriend…”

    You forgot Psycho’s sister!

  16. Nnnx says:


    Just received e-mail from Apple, inviting ME, not you Moltz but ME to opening of NEW APPLE STORE at BLUEWATER (Whitewater dyed)

    Now we’ll have access to Apple crossbows and all the other goodies.

    Hallelujah! (if I can spell it right)

    post script:- Could you guys offer suggestions on suitable dress for attending an Apple Store opening other than black polo neck, jeans and iPod socks or is that mandatory and which piece of the body should they be worn?

    Also need advice on correct mode of address, is “Hi dude” socially acceptable?

  17. Psycho has a sister…???

  18. Small Paul says:

    Aw, man, so true.

    Bluewater. That’s a shopping centre in south-east England.

  19. ficko says:

    The thlot pickens, sorry related to Spooner. Just watched Indycars at Kansas and realised that Linda, the iChat lady, Allison Johnson, the Apple bored member and Danica Patrick, the racer, are one and the same person!

    How does she find time for all of this?

  20. Del says:

    LOL Huck! Cai how can you forget the famous sister-gate? The CARS posters became so obsessed with Pysko’s sister he took her picture of his website.

  21. Streetrabbit says:

    I’m keen to know what kind of soup Linda likes.

    Do we have that information?

    I’ll bet it’s mulligatawny.

    Or maybe pea and ham, oh yes pea and ham…I hope it’s pea and ham.

  22. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Nnnx, I recommend body armor. The crossbows hurt after a very little bit. Also the mayhem after queuing for two and half weeks can get a bit much three days before the store open. Then there’s the stampede.

    Don’t try the “natural” approach of just not showering, everyone else in queue has been doing that longer and more purposefully than you.

    Good luck. Hope you survive.

  23. greenacres says:

    I’m afraid Psycho taking the pictures down was my fault, I started the whole thing by commenting on her (in a positive way). He linked his website to his Name and I was checking out what people had as links. Of course, he should have known better than to expose his personal life to this sordid bunch…I’m sure there are some sex offenders among us who like lesbian ninja….(droooool)….Never mind…

  24. Ace Deuce says:


    An old Devo video will show you the proper attire.

  25. NO way! My pretend girl-friend from our old Mouse Pad offer was WAAAAAAY hotter! (don’t tell the mrs.!)


  26. MacInel fka MacPower says:

    That’s one really sick mouse pad.

  27. Sudo Nym says:

    Woo hooooo!!!!

    She noticed me holding up my boom box!!!!!

    Tonight it’s “White Flag” by Dido.

    You WILL be mine, beloved!!!!!

  28. Marvin the Martian says:

    See what H.264 does for your tired peepers. Of course, I much prefer Uranium PU-38 Explosive space Modulator over H.264 any day.