15 Jul 05Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Today… podcasting!

Q: I’ve been hearing a lot about this podcasting thing, but I’m a little unclear on the specifics. What is it exactly?
A: Podcasting expert Adam Curry has said that “Podcasting is when a young girl of good farm stock doth take her pods and cast them upon the firmament.”
Q: What? No he didn’t. Adam Curry never said that.
A: Yes he did.
Q: No, he didn’t and I know, because I’m not a real questioner. You made me up as a foil, simply to discuss what podcasting is, remember?
Q: Ha-ha! No, no, no. I’m just kidding. It’s me, Rob.
A: Oh.
Q: Rob… of your brain!
Q: Naw. I’m just kidding. Rob Thorne.

Q: I’m completely excited about podcasting as both a listener and a content creator. I believe that podcasting is an exciting new medium that will take the world by storm and that all disbelievers must perish in flames.
A: Ye know, back in my day, we had something quite a-similar to this here “podcasting”. We called it “radio”.
Q: What?! No way. Get out of here, old man.
A: ‘Tis true! And with “radio”, there weren’t no downloading ye had to do. You just turned on your “radio” and started a-listenin’!
Q: Oh, you’re a liar. You’re just a crazy old liar. I’m not listening to this anymore. This is nothing but a bunch of lies. Liar. Stupid old liar guy.
A: Nay. ‘Tis true. “Radio” we called it. ‘Twas a time “radio” ruled the land. Fed a nation. Raised a generation. Uh… fought a world war and…
Q: See, now you’re just making things up.
A: No, there really used to be this thing called “radio.”
Q: Oh, like I’m going to believe you now.

Q: I’ve been trying my hand at podcasting, but I’m having trouble getting good sound quality. I’m using GarageBand and I’m following Apple’s instructions to the letter, but it’s just not coming out right.
A: What’s your podcast?
Q: Um… well, that doesn’t really matter, does it? I mean… I just have a technical question about sound quality.
A: I’d just like to know.
Q: [sigh] It’s about… big butt… um… lesbian… uh… dwarf… uh… stuff. You know… porn. It’s called the Big Butt Lesbian Dwarf Porn Report. You know… weekly news kind of thing… what’s new in the industry.
A: Yeah, see, I don’t think you need any higher sound quality than you already have.
Q: OK. OK. That’s fair.

No Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. suck it says:


  2. suck it says:

    boo yah…… now my journey to the dark side is complete……

  3. Columbus says:

    I claim this land in the name of Spain!

    …oh, and fifth and all that.

  4. Huh? says:

    Columbus can have this land…

    but he will NEVER have my pants!!!!

    Um… oh, six.


  5. Poopers says:


  6. unbelievable says:

    I made it in the top 10? what’s up with this crazy world

  7. Columbus can have my pants — as a rabbit, I don’t use them that much anyway — but he will never have my land. Mmm, land… sweet, sweet land…

  8. vans says:

    an impossible dream of eleventh…

  9. vans says:

    But to claim it in such a manner… is somehow unsatisfying. Perhaps someday I should learn to count.

  10. appletweak says:

    I like big butts and I cannot lie

    all you other brothers can’t deny

    when a girl walks in whose itty bitty ‘n thin

    and puts a round thing in your face (or shins, really)

    you get sprung!

    okay, i’ll stop. sorry.

  11. Psyko says:

    Tweak, that was weak.


    (Ouch, it hurts just thinking about the fact that I wrote that.)


  12. Del says:


    I feel very hurt and betrayed by your inability to commit to one mind. You always told me that my mind was the only one for you, but I see you out cavorting with CARS Help Desk. Really I think you want to be caught doing it where you know where I’ll see it.

    I’ve talked it over with the other voices and we agree that you have to move out. All your stuff will be sitting on the lawn.

    Good bye!

  13. Nxxx says:

    Podcasts. Pah!

    What’s wrong with Heinz Baked Bean Tins and a length of string.

    I’ve got Apple Stickers on mine. Name Ican, iHeinz, iBean……….

    How do you get dried baked beans out of your ear?

  14. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    The coveted 17th Spot!

    I meant to do that.

    Mmmmm… Baked Beans with Apple Stickers… Mmmmmmm….

  15. michael says:

    I vaguely remember radio…

  16. Bellidancer says:

    I love the image of the young girl of good farm stock taking her pods and casting them upon the firmament. Aaaaah……

    This site and radio actually have alot in common. Radio excelled in facilitating the imagination. So does CARS. TV destroys the imagination. I’ll bet every single CARS reader has a different mental image of a sexbot. (Actually even the married readers, they just have to be careful their spouses don’t find out.)

    * soft breezes tugging at her plaid apron dress reveiling the deeply tanned firm young skin of her calves and thighs *

    Actually Internet radio is a prime source for podcasting so in a sense podcasting is merely a new incarnation of radio.

    * strong slim bare feet, treading softly through the field *

    Popular podcaster and the new DJs or Radio Stars.

    *long blonde hair with bits of new mown hay wafting in the breeze *

    In fact podcas

    * sunny smile and twinkling eyes of sky blue invite

    STOP! My imagination is about to go too far!

  17. “Big Butt Lesbian Dwarf Porn Report”?

    Come over to the “dark side”, little one. My big sack-O-MSN and some WMA can get you all jiggy with HUGE piles of unnecessary bandwidth and a compression algorithm built by a millon typing monkeys!


  18. Old Timey says:

    Bah! Old timer, my foot. “Radio”—pooh. Ye arn’t nothing but a tiny, winy lad. Why I can remember writin’. And readin’, and the internet. Thars where ye use your ‘magination.

  19. ficko says:

    Finally met “Old Timey” at CARS.

    A question that I need to ask him.

    When I’m frailing ‘Old Joe Clark’ on the banjo, does the rallentendo hurt?

    Another question.

    Banjo or iPod, waterproof or not?

    Yet another question.

    Has anybody frailed an iPod?

    Is it illegal?

    As the man said “Cast not iPods before swine’.

  20. ficko says:

    Or banjos either.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Now that one was funny!


  22. Old Timey says:

    Of course the rallentendo hurts, evervything hurts. You just hope it’s hurtin’ the other guy more.

  23. Streetrabbit says:

    to catch a pod

    lines are cast

    dolphin for dinner


  24. ficko says:

    Old Timey,

    The rallantendo hurts me to, even broken a nail at times, still one must suffer for one’s art.

    How does Old Joe Clark feel about it?

  25. Old Timey says:

    Old Joe Clark’s a fine old man. He don’t feel nutin’ usually, ’cause he’s got his Rock and Rye.

  26. Psyko says:

    I read everybody’s comments; it almost killed me. Please bring up the comment quality. Please.


  27. ficko says:


    When we want advice from a bloke who dresses up in his mother’s clothes and murders innocent girls, we’ll ask for it, unless you’re really Mr. Moltz, in which case we’re sorry sir.

    As for Mark, he didn’t save Julius Caesar did he?

    Anyway, we got ‘Old Joe Clark’ picked by Wade Ward from iTunes.

  28. Eddie says:

    Do you have a FLAG?

    No flag no country, those are the rules…

    That I just made up.

  29. Bellidancer says:

    Hey Psyko,

    The official period for ad hominem attacks was LAST weekend. This weekend’s topic is podcasting, radio, and Big Butt Lesbian Dwarf Porn. While attacking other posters is a time honored CARS tradition, directing your comments to specific individuals is more productive than attacking all posters. I, for instance, might take offense at your post as attacking my riff on young, nubile farm girls.

    complexion lightly dusted with sun sown freckles, corn straw colored long hair flowing down past their waist… Stop! STOP!!! back to the subject… ahh… what was the subject? Oh yeah…

    Psyko if you are concerned at the quality of the posts, please write posts you think will raise the quality. Cast your pearls of wisdom or wit on the site as a young farm girl, walking softly through a newly turn field and gently casts her pods STOP STOP STOP ARGH!

  30. otfiddler says:

    iTunes store has Wade Ward AND Charlie Higgins — THAT’S entertainment!!!

    Frail ’em if you got ’em!


  31. ficko says:

    Roscoe Holcombe, now there’s real high lonesome sound.

    Bit like listening on an iPod, sorry, thread, or a Big Butt Lesbian Dwarf Porn on a 0.19 kb link

    BTW otfiddler, any key but D as the iPods can’t cope, neither can I, and double thumbing’s out as it upsets the sexbot.

    Regards to Old Timey.

  32. Psyko says:

    Bellidancer, you did well, but ficko… I’m sorry, your posts just plain suck person. Nothing personal or anything, they just suck.


  33. ficko says:

    Yes, but that’s why I’m called ficko.

  34. ficko says:

    p.s. How did you know my name is Mark?

  35. Psyko says:

    I’m Psykik.


  36. otfiddler says:

    iTunes Store has Charlie Poole too — I’m truly impressed!

    I’ll wait for a later-generation iPod — can’t do without D.

    Got “High Atmosphere”, ficko? Get it!


  37. Ace Deuce says:

    With “Lasty-last!” are you claiming last post? ‘Cause I don’t think so, not anymore anyway, at least not yet.

    Not even the last post for Sunday, and we still have Monday staring at us.

    However I do claim last sentence of this message!

  38. ficko says:

    Claiming last post for otfiddler.

    p.s. Any Granpa Jones on iTunes?

  39. otfiddler says:

    Better than Grandpa: Uncle Dave Macon doin’ “Go on, Nora Lee”!


  40. Psyko says:

    I wish I had won 10 iPods.


  41. Ace Deuce says:


    How many iTunes did you download in your attempt to get song number 500,000,000? Just curious.

  42. Del says:


    I can’t believe I missed it.

  43. Psyko says:

    Zero…Unless you count all the ones I downloaded months ago.

    But I thought about downloading some! I just wasn’t near my computer at the time it neared half a bil.


  44. Very Last One says:


    Onwards to the Mega-Post!

    North to the Future!

  45. LastPostGuy says:

    Last Post!