26 Jul 05Microsoft Renames Longhorn "Windows Vista"


Microsoft’s crack team of zombie product namers has struck again, renaming the product formerly known as Longhorn “Windows Vista.”

But according to sources that work with the zombies, “Vista” may not actually have been what they selected.

Group coordinator Erik Haubrich said “There may have been a misunderstanding. Zombies are really hard to understand. Some of their jaws are falling off.”

The results from the zombie focus group were met with different interpretations by Haubrich and analyst Sean Melson.

“I actually thought they said ‘Windows Barrista’ but Sean thought they said ‘Windows Sleestak.”

As both thought neither would be acceptable to their superiors, the team reported back “Windows Vista” which Microsoft ultimately went with. But Haubrich now says that Melson was correct.

“Turns out they really did say ‘Windows Sleestak’,” Haubrich said.

“And it’s really kind of a shame, too, because Windows Sleestak is way cooler than Windows Vista.”

Once he was fully able to discern the zombies original intent, Haubrich attempted to get the product name changed after the fact but was unsuccessful.

“Well, it’ll always be Windows Sleestak to me,” Haubrich said.

“And, um, the zombies. And Sean. And… OK, I told some people at the Three Pigs barbecue place…”

No Responses to “Microsoft Renames Longhorn "Windows Vista"”

  1. Streetrabbit says:

    Foist..and it’s Barista.

  2. OverclockedLemon says:

    Segundo!

  3. K.S. 3.0.9.9.9.4 says:

    three-oo

  4. OverclockedLemon says:

    Fife!

  5. K.S. 3.0.9.9.9.5 says:

    I mean five

  6. K.S. 3.0.9.9.9.6 says:

    nevermind….

  7. Fate says:

    Thirty trillionth.

    And let’s hope Jason Jones finishes taking over Microsoft soon. -.-

  8. OverclockedLemon says:

    Nunth!

  9. OverclockedLemon says:

    Tinth!

  10. OverclockedLemon says:

    Aaaaand…

    Eleventh!

    Muah ha ha ha!

  11. Ace Deuce says:

    I will call it Windows Schmindows.

    Or maybe Windows 2008.

    Or Windows Me and Eeww!

    Mic OS W?

    Please stop me.

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    I’m glad we’re still here. The opportunity to laugh at Microsoft deserves at least 30 comments.

    Here’s the dictionary.com definition of Vista:

    “An unincorporated community of southern California north of San Diego. It is a resort and agricultural area. Population: 71,872.”

    Is this what Microsoft meant? Are they crazeee? What’s going on over there? Is everyone on drugs or something?

    There are other definitions, something about “distant views” for example, but don’t let them tell you that’s what they meant.

    “Volunteers In Service To America.” definitley NOT!

  13. Switcher says:

    Vista, as “Astala Vista, baby”…

    Or “Windows Vista Social Club”… ?

    Nevermind.

    Is Jason Vorhees part of the Zombie Product Namers group ?

  14. iDunno says:

    Was it changed from ‘Longhorn’ because Microsoft could only offer shorthorns?

    Was it changed from ‘Longhorn’ because they found out that Apple was going to call OS 12 ‘Vista’?

    Was it changed from ‘Longhorn’ owing to the increasing number of RSI cases at MS?

    Is there any link between the letters ‘MS’ as in ‘Microsoft’ and ‘MS’ as in ‘Multiple Sclerosis’?

    Wouldn’t it have been easier to change from ‘Longhorn’ to Buffalo’ or did Buffalo object?

    We think the Zombie Product Namers should find out.

  15. UhhhDude says:

    Hey look! A picture of the Windows marketing zombies in action!

    http://www.joyoftech.com/joyoftech/joyarchives/711.html

  16. Aaron says:

    We used to get some of those Windows Vistas down around Saragossa. Longhorns they was. Or was they short horns. Medium size horns?

  17. Nxxx says:

    Longhorns and shorthorns in the Saragossa sea? I never realised they could swim that well.

  18. Chris says:

    Three Pigs, baby! May it rest in peace.

  19. jinzo012 says:

    This CARS is really getting boring.

    really boring.

    I’M NOT BORED

    This is just boring, I don’t care what Dr. Phil says!

    I’m going to go Aircraft spotting at G Bush Intercontinental Airport, here in Houston, TX

    I DON’T CARE WHAT Dr. Phil SAYS! BITCH!

  20. Psyko says:

    Windows I-can’t-believe-we-have-not-given-up-yet

    MARK

  21. Barf. says:

    Yay! My story suggestion got used!

  22. iWern says:

    Like it’s been said, Windows Vista is perfect, as it is an acronym for some pre-installed bonuses:

    Viruses

    Infection

    Spyware

    Trojan

    Adware

    Just perfect!

  23. ephica says:

    I’ve acquired some of the preliminary press material from an unknown source supposedly from Microsoft. His skin was falling off and all he told me regarding the images was “Uuunnghhhg.”

    http://ephica.tollfreepage.com/images/windows_sleestak_logo.png

    Additionally I was provided with what appears to be promotional avatars for two popular instant messaging services. I guess the zomb– I mean unknown source wants us to show our allegiance to the originally intended name.

    http://ephica.tollfreepage.com/images/windows_sleestak_msn.png

    http://ephica.tollfreepage.com/images/windows_sleestak_aim.png