12 Aug 05Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

So…

How’s it going with Tiger?


Q: Ever since I’ve been using Tiger, I’ve become increasingly uneasy that I am no longer the biggest cog in the wheel of my computer experience.
A: What makes you feel this way?
Q: Well, Automator, mostly. I’ve been making a lot of Automator workflows and, well, I may have just automated myself into obsolescence.
A: Nonsense. What Automator may perform tasks, they are pre-defined by you before hand.
Q: Not anymore. I actually Automated the creation of Automator apps.
A: What?
Q: Yeah. My Mac’s just running and running… surfing the web… making spreadsheets… I’m kind of afraid to touch it.
A: Dude, you are freaking me out.
Q: Tell me about it.
A: Well, have you thought about…
Q: Wait. Something’s happening.
A: What? What is it?
Q: …
A: Dude? Dude?
Q: ROBERT DOESN’T WORK HERE ANYMORE. I AM AUTOMATOR WORKFLOW T-537/A. MAY I HELP YOU?
A: Um… uh… no. No, I’m good.


Q: I’ve been using Tiger for weeks now and I like it fine, I guess. But what is up with these fricking widgets? I mean, what is that crap?
A: Um… well…
Q: Like this one. It shows me airline arrival times. What the hell do I need that for?
A: If… someone come to visit you… via airplane?
Q: What? No. No. That’s just crap.
A: Well… what about the dictionary?
Q: I have a dictionary.
A: Can you copy/paste into it to look a word up?
Q: …
A: I’m starting to think this is not about the widgets.
Q: That’s… what… of course it’s about the widgets! What else would it be about?
A: No. No. It’s not the widgets. Is it. Arlo.
Q: …
A: Arlo.
Q: Um… you… uh…
A: Arlo.
Q: Doodie ka-ka poo-poo head! [click]
A: [sigh] I really expected more from him.


Q: Well, I got Tiger the night it was released, took it home immediately, started playing around with it and I love it. I have no problems with it at all. I think it’s the bee’s knees. The cat’s meow. And the cat’s pajamas.
A: Yuh-huh. Well that’s… that’s… great.
Q: Mmm. It is. It’s great.
A: OK then.
Q: Indeed. OK!
A: Good for you.
Q: Oh, it is good for me.
A: So… uh… have you installed it yet?
Q: Installed it?! Ha-ha! No way! No, I haven’t even broken the seal. It’s a really nice box, though.
A: You ain’t wrong about that.
Q: No, sir. And I can balance it on my head!
A: I bet that’s a good look for you.
Q: It is!

77 Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Mmmmm, gourmet caramel Apples…

    Sweeeeet.

  2. 2ubesock Shakur says:

    Fifty-Swivecnd.

    Mmmmm, gourmet carnal Alyson Hannigans…

  3. 2ubesock Shakur says:

    Hopefully sweet AND – tart?

  4. iBode says:

    I’m looking nxxx.

    So far I’ve come up with:

    – Tanais

    – Oedipus (who inspired Freud)

    – and Hamlet (possibly the most known)

    My guess is Hamlet.

    But Oedipus has quite the interesting story. Look him up.

  5. ficko says:

    It is spelt Œdipus, and I thought I was thick.

    American education?

    That might stir it up.

  6. Œdipus says:

    I spell it both ways. I spell it neither. No biggie. But… I’m a bit CREEPED OUT to think that I inspired Freud. I thought his mother had.

  7. Freud says:

    my mother???

  8. Freud's mom says:

    Oh, no, Siggie…. it is YOU who have inspired ME, lo all these many years. (Œdipus is kind of hot, also.) Mom

  9. Œdipus says:

    And to think, the last time I was in Wien (Vienna, to those who spell my name “Oedipus”), I assumed the “A” on the cars was for “anal.”

  10. Œdipus says:

    PS: You may be familiar with my brother T’s classic rock classic, Banga Gong (Get It On). He wrote it with Mother. Yours, Œdipus Rex.

  11. Stiffler says:

    Hey! What’s with this “Freud’s mom” stuff?!?!?

  12. Jim's dad says:

    Freud’s mom… Stiffler’s mom… or Paula Abdul …. anyone? anyone?

  13. jinzo012 says:

    Mr. “Ryan” if you want to get banned, “Fuck” won’t help. it’s a word nobody cares to hear anymore. it doesn’t hsve as much of an impact on those around you (Digitally, or Physically) as it would’ve 10 years ago, if you wish to get banned try this word….. “Cunt”

  14. 2000guitars says:

    LAST POST!

  15. Anonymous says:

    Never knew you played bugle as well.

  16. Anonymous says:

    l a s t

    p a n t s

  17. Del says:

    Ficko, spelt is one of my favorite kinds of flour.

    Though, I don’t really know what it has to do with Œdipus.

    I’m busily watching the Invader Zim DVD’s and it is interesting to note that the “Invisible Evil Boys Choir” got their start doing some background chanting on a few episodes.

  18. CTHULHU says:

    PUNY MORTALS! THE EVIL THAT SPAWNS UNSPEAKABLE HORROR CANNOT BE AUTOMATED!!

  19. Del says:

    Hmm Let’s see if that is true.

    I need:

    1 powerbook

    1 demonic kitten

    1 copy of tiger

    Luckily I have all 3 handy right now.

    *Del Starts tinkering in background*

    There we go, Yep Evil can be automated. It is working right now, it seems to be burning copies of M$. It’s definitely automated and definitely Evil and definitely unspeakable horror. So, sorry Cthulhu guess you are wrong.

    Great old one indeed, there goes my faith in the Elder God’s. Maybe I’ll go talk to Ithaqua.

  20. nxxx says:

    Hi Ockers,

    Well done, set it up nicely.

    Just one thing, Ricky Ponting’s got really hairy arms. You’re not playing Ugluk, are you?

  21. CTHULHU ROCKS AND IT THE l33t haxor!!!!!

    LOST PRIEST!!!!

  22. Bots4Ya says:

    I’ve got some lesbian ninja sexbot automator actions.

    You can only imagine what they are called, let alone what they do.

    How about a flip out action?

    And then a kill people with ninja sword action?

    Then clean up the mess action for you prissy types.

    Only $19.95, and if you act now, I’ll see you nekkid photos of Ryan’s mum to boot!

    Oh wait, that’s not Ryan’s mum. It’s a photo of Charles Manson in drag. Come to think of it, that is Ryan’s mum. She had the Manson swastika engraved on her forehead too.

  23. Adam Curry says:

    Hey I just discovered this site, and when is the Pimp My Apple Exec contest going to be over?

  24. I ate him too... says:

    74 comments…. nice

  25. Streetrabbit says:

    Today I win the contest.

  26. Psyko says:

    I have to sleep now. No first post for me.

    MARK

  27. Mr. Eye says:

    Hello? Contest? Are you in there?

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