16 Aug 05Secret Apple Plan Embraces Viral Marketing.


As rumors swirl around a potential deal between Apple and Google to sell iTunes songs on the popular search site, Apple is secretly been making a deal with much deeper philosophical implications for the company.

Reportedly the pet project of Vice President of Worldwide Marketing and Communications Allison Johnson who came on board earlier this year, Apple will enter into the world of viral marketing – actually working with rumor sites to spread the word about Apple products.

According to sources, Apple will provide hotlinks to the Apple Store for every supposed product a rumor site predicts the company will some day sell. The links will then allow you to get first in line for purchasing the product should Apple ever release it.

Scrolling through a prototype of the site, Johnson said “See, here we have a tablet device, a crank-powered iBook and… um…

“Actually, I don’t know what that is. Looks like tapioca. Anyway, all of these were once speculated as potential Apple products by rumor sites and all will be available for pre-ordering from the Apple Store.”

According to Johnson, the customer’s credit card will not be charged until Apple actually ships the product, which may be never.

The benefit to the company, Johnson says, will be to drive those interested in specific future products to the Apple Store and lock them in for purchase. The company will also be able to gauge interest in potential products.

“If we aren’t actually planning on making that tapioca thing but we see that 400,000 people have pre-ordered it, we might actually sit up collectively and say ‘Hmm. Tapioca…'”

Pausing to look at it again, Johnson said “What the hell is that thing?”

When asked what prompted CEO Steve Jobs conversion on the issue of rumor sites, Johnson seemed confused.

“Steve?” Johnson said. “Why? Does Steve not like rumor sites or something?

“Ah, crap.”

30 Responses to “Secret Apple Plan Embraces Viral Marketing.”

  1. Imposter says:

    What no comments? Yipee!

  2. Dude says:

    2nd!!

  3. Dude What says:

    3rd!!

  4. Matt says:

    Shoot… 4TH!

  5. Tim says:

    Frouth.

  6. dibble says:

    7th

  7. Anonymous says:

    8th…?Maybe?

  8. Zeb says:

    Top ten. Hoo hah!

  9. Mittan says:

    I want tapioca

  10. nxxx says:

    Bit like Elvis.

    Top twenty.

    Also want advice from 2000 ukuleles.

    Saw on UK Channel 4 “Britney’s Redneck Roots”.

    Question:-Should I give up learning the Cajun accordion on the grounds that Louisiana has suffered enough?

    Britney naked in tapioca.

    As the Ockers say, “Going to see Hughie”

  11. 2000guitars says:

    mmmmmmmmm pudding…

  12. Ralphie says:

    I hate to say it but here is your chance to get that sexbot thing built once and for all.

  13. Steve Jobs says:

    I’m going to kill all of the rumors sites, with Belinda, my trusty assistant:

    [Redacted URL – the editor hasn’t had the time to look at it, maybe I’ll put it back if it’s a tasteful picture of puppies and kittens. Somehow I doubt it.]

  14. Ozi says:

    The above link is disgusting: someone should remove it.

    On a lighter note, I like the idea of buying things you may never receive… 😛

  15. Baal says:

    I want my Cheese Drive!

  16. ari says:

    BOOOOOOOOYAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!

    FIRST, BIZNATCHESSSS!!!!!!!!! AAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!

  17. Sam says:

    This article is… actually… not a bad idea! Weird.

  18. Del says:

    Well I pre-ordered my sexbot, Clarus the DogCow iPod, and an updated version of Apple Works. Now I just need to sit and wait for the product to roll on in.

  19. Uncommon says:

    What about bacterial marketing?

  20. blank says:

    What the article doesn’t mention is that the tapioca is solar-powered. That’s what makes it a unique product.

    Once again, I’m probably breaking NDA on this, but there’s also a cheese project. It’s powered by… well, lets just note that Slashdot broke a story recently about a battery that runs on urine, and leave it at that. TMI, you know.

    I don’t think the cheese project will see much success.

  21. iBode says:

    Yes! The Skunk works Projects are up!

    I’ve just ordered:

    – An iPod the size of a Buick.

    – Jon Rubinstein’s electric acid trip and summer of free love in a square box.

    – Sneaking into houses and turning Flower Power and Dalmatian iMacs into regular iMacs, and leaving a note of apology for ever selling them in the first place.

    – An all-white iPod U2.

    – A version of OS X that runs on nothing. By which I mean everything. Think about that.

    – A round Cinema Display. Which is cool, because it’s round.

    – iPod shoes.

    I’m not sure how that skeaking into houses thing will work since I have neither of those iMacs, but got it anyway.

    Oh yeah, I also got a sausage with 2TB of storage, plus it’s a camera phone, and plays music and movies. Plus it holds my photos, and it tastes good too.

  22. I think says:

    To moderators (hehe): you should really remove the link that fake stevie posted earlier.

  23. YabbaDabbaDoo says:

    Mmmm… nothing better than some nice warm tapioca… unless it’s tapioca pie, of course…

  24. ‘Hmm. Tapioca…’

    Shit, BALMER!!! Get on this ASAP, you baby gorilla!

    And I thought it was the wireless pudding…

    So far, our labs have gotten a fruit cup on bluetooth and a potato skin with sour cream, chives and bacon bits onto a fiber channel SAN, but this Tapioca has got me running to the patent office! Well, not me, one of my trusty lawyers, but in lieu of me. First to patent pending wins dammit!!! (That’s an inovation, right?)

  25. John C. Randolph says:

    Umm… FWIW, Apple does sell tapioca. They have it in the cafeteria.

    -jcr

  26. iBode says:

    Thank you for removing the link.

    Part of me is no longer right after I entered that URL into my browser.

  27. iBode says:

    Posting on every article in still listed in my Safari RSS feed.