01 Sep 05Adobe Complains That Porting Is Hard.


Adobe CEO Bruce Chizen complained yesterday that porting applications to Mactel will be much harder than Apple CEO Steve Jobs would have people believe.

Chizen said “Oh, man, I mean didn’t we just port some… thing… for the Mac? And now we’ve got to do it again?

As a matter of fact, Adobe did finally port Photoshop to OS X in 2002, somewhat late to the party.

“Coding is really haaaard,” Chizen said, first staring at his feet, then looking up at the ceiling and rolling his eyes.

“Like, right now, I don’t even know where the code for the Mac version of Photoshop is. I guess someone probably does. Todd, maybe. I guess. I don’t know. Pff. Sheesh.”

Chizen said that he might look for it this afternoon, but that he was supposed to go meet some other software executives down at the Gas-N-Sip to hang out.

“I hear [Intuit CEO Steve] Bennett’s got a Playboy,” Chizen said, laughing nervously.

Chizen’s attitude has not gone unnoticed. Indeed, some in the Macintosh community seem to believe that Chizen is actually only 14-years-old.

“Is he not?” asked Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell. “Oh, wow. I just assumed from all the whining…”

Apple CEO Steve Jobs discounted Chizen’s complaints. “It’s so easy to port an application to an Intel Mac that I’ll do it right now, blindfolded.”

Donning a blindfold, Jobs put his hand to his Mighty Mouse.

“OK, here we go. Just click over here… drag this over here… move this function… drag a few semicolons… and voila!”

Pulling off the blindfold Jobs looked at his screen.

“Oh,” he said. “I probably should have booted it up first.

“But it’s totally easy. Totally.”

No Responses to “Adobe Complains That Porting Is Hard.”

  1. OverclockedLemon says:

    frist post!

  2. OverclockedLemon says:

    A woo hoo! Yee haw! And all that jazz…

  3. Paul says:

    How did Steve operate a Mighty Mouse from inside his cocoon? Will wonders never cease?

  4. OverclockedLemon says:

    Excellent post, btw, Mr. Moltz. I had the same thought, but not nearly as funnily.

    I don’t think that’s a word. Oh well, fuckit.

  5. Huh? says:

    I posted this with my computer off.

    I don’t know why Steve had such a hard time…

    AND I ported it to 8 different platforms, including the ENIAC.

    So there.

    moo

  6. Drew Westphal says:

    i am posting because my life is empty

  7. OverclockedLemon says:

    Wait wait wait, Steve used a Mighty Mouse?! Oh my god, someone told him about it?! Surely he didn’t turn on two button mode… the world’s gonna end!

  8. Zeb says:

    Numero sevenenenenen.

    I can’t even read the story cuz those friggin’ animated gifs are giving me a migrain. Ah well, gotta pay the bills and these comments sure ain’t.

  9. Streetrabbit says:

    I think what has to be managed here is the definition of a “working” application, I mean everything will work to a certain degree, whether or not that meets everyone’s requirements is another thing.

    While one man may expect nothing more than a message that says “Unreadable media – please insert properly formatted disc” or a spinning beach ball another may find this inadequate.

    It’s these latter people, that can never be pleased, that should be herded together and isolated from the rest of us who’ve learned to take it in the nuts and smile while we’re getting it.

  10. vxx says:

    getting close

  11. Carl says:

    Yeah, this post has serious continuity errors:

    A) Steve doesn’t know about the Mighty Mouse and

    B) Steve is in a cocoon of some sort.

    Therefore

    C) I like using outlines in my comments.

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    …also can we ask the Adobe guy to change his name to Citizen? because that’s what I see everytime I read it and it’s beginning to really annoy me.

    Can that be arranged?

  13. Disgusted Col Retd says:

    Sir,

    Typical of Subaltern Jobs. As I previously related, Jobs was attached to my regiment on the North West frontier back in 1873.

    He tried to change the accounting system from pen and ink to Boolean Algebra using the regimental abacus. Needless to say, it failed and I sincerely regret not having him shot.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  14. 11th poster says:

    11th

  15. Talking Barbie doll says: “Porting is hard! Let’s go shopping!”

    Hehe, “11th Poster” was actually 15th.

  16. Simon "Chucklehead" Simpleton says:

    Porting things is hard. Especially to apples and blackberries, and other fruity computers.

  17. todd says:

    Dude, I totally know where the Photoshop code is. It’s on my iPod, which I left in New Orleans while I went camping for two weeks. What?

  18. Cmd Hamilton RN Retd says:

    Porting is very easy, all you do is turn the wheel anti-clockwise or widdershins.

    Horatio Hamilton Cmd RN Retd

    Sorry, forgot the United States of America Navy does not use Port and Starboard.

  19. What with all the Moo stealage?

    Moo is mine!

    MINE!

    MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!

    Mooo!

  20. nxxx says:

    Streetrabbit,

    Is your “spinning beach ball” any connection, however tenuous, with Shane Warne?

  21. ABC says:

    Isn’t JOBS still PUPATING? How did he COMMENT?

  22. Blindfolded Post says:

    iwen[cp0m v[v[ vwm v pf]v[v,vp][prvv v][pov 9evmf’ d]-tg ,kcv

    ‘;rr[

    ‘;,b][pbt’ [bbt

  23. Del says:

    I believe that Jobs as emerged from his cocoon. Rumor has it that Jobs s pretty much unchanged but he no longer has an aversion to multi-button mice and his RDF is 100 times stronger in order to help programmers and users make the switch to MacIntel.

  24. Hobbs says:

    FUNNNNYYYYYY!

    BEST IN A LONG TIME!

    Almost spewed coffee all over self!

  25. blank says:

    “Jobs is pupated, how could he use the mouse?”

    Alien mind powers, folks! Don’t forget who/what you’re dealing with here.

  26. Huh? says:

    Sorry Cai, I appropriated your moo due to underuse.

    Besides, you moop more than moo….

    m

    mmm

    mm

    moo

  27. John Moltz says:

    Thank you, Del! See, while the rest of you were just sitting around whining about continuity problems, Del just won herself a no-prize!

    Ask not what CARS can do for you. Ask what you can do for CARS.

  28. Medical Miracle says:

    Yeah! He …um…continues,…yeah, well…anyway…ah, what Del said. See, I’d like to do something for CARS too. But, well, I don’t really have anything to offer.

    Oh, wait. I got a shiny thing in my pocket.

  29. Del says:

    Shiny!

    Where is it? Where the shiny? Is that my know-prize?

  30. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Turns out that the REAL reason Chizen is having “issues” porting is because: G) he IS a 14 year old boy and 7) he has the body of an adult with the hands of a 14 year old boy ergo, IIV) he cannot properly operate a Mighty Mouse.

    Don’t tell him, but Todd spit in his Mountain Dew when he wasn’t looking. And we filled his locker with Elmer’s Glue. Wait till he opens it!

  31. Ace Deuce says:

    What? Moltz is offering no-prizes? And one was won by Del with a comment?

    It follows that a no-comment should win a prize!

  32. Ace Deuce says:

    No comment.

  33. Del says:

    I got a prize

    *Del does the I got a no-prize dance*

  34. Noah Whiner says:

    Can I get a prize for not whining about not getting a prize?

  35. Orson Wells says:

    I’m going to make a movie about this. It will take all the Ocars because it has timing, it has passion, it has vivre!

    And it’ll have lesbian sexbots in minor roles in this true-to-life biopic of the creator of Photoshop, Adobe and all things whiney!

    I’ll call it Chitzen Kane.

    He’ll whine and whine about the missing Photoshop for Mac code, which is actually code-named Rosebud.

    Or was that Nosebleed?

    Whatever.

    Chitzen Kane will be out in theaters about the time Creative Suite 3 ships – Jauary 2009.

    Check out the HD trailer at Apple’s Quicktime website now. Just next to the “Planet 9 from Outerspace” trailer. In the back. Behind the pile of debris. Yeah, over there.

  36. haineux says:

    Another great place to donate is this:

    http://www.americares.org

    They publish press releases showing what they’re doing with the money.

  37. iBode says:

    Obviously, Steve just used a Bluetooth Mighty Mouse while in the cocoon. It probably is Bluetooth 3.0 with about 5 acronyms after it.

  38. Sweet merciful Jesus H. Christ in a hovercraft, I’ve got a one-eyed intern that can port stuff back and forth, just like… like… like, that, *that*! What we’ve done in the “Chairman Gates Windows Lab Of Incredable InNoVaTiOnZ” is this; we got our hands on a copy of the hacked Mac OS X for Intel, (that took a while ‘cus we used Balmer’s Bittorrent account and he’s constantly downloading every movie known to man that either has a monkey in it, in the title, features characters talking mostly about monkey stuff, or was written by monkeys. but I digress)… we run an emulated Vista in Virtual Vista for Mac OS X (Intel) on top of Cherry OS on top of Pear PC on top of Win98 ported to Windows CE running on a Dreamcast. So there!!!! And we can run Mines *and* Tetris on it for up to 8 minutes before it crashes. (Stupid silk shirts, this crap is still in my angora office carpet!!)

    -From Heir Uber Gate$!!!

  39. One-Eyed Intern (Porting tech level 1) says:

    Good Lord… PLEASE, make him stop….

  40. macIke says:

    Hey I just like posting.

    There I posted like a total post or something.

    OR maybe like Bond…. Post and Post again.

    or

    THe Living Post.

    The Man with the Golden Post

    The Spy who posted me

    Gold Post

    Live and let post

    moon post

    Okay maybe to much AMC this month.

  41. iBode says:

    Posting on every article in still listed in my Safari RSS feed.

  42. Del, is that your real name? I know someone in real life named Del. (Yes, I know people in real life.) ‘Twould be most savoury and/or funny if it were actually you.

  43. Del says:

    No sorry Luminiferous Æther Bunny (I love the Æ). If I used my real name I’d be afraid the FBI would know where to find me.