26 Sep 05Apple Divided Between Mac People, Music People.

In a divide reminiscent of the divide between proponents of the classic Mac OS and proponents of NeXT, Apple has recently become divided between the Mac/OS X people and music people.

As the iPod and the iTunes Music Store have increased in importance, those in the music lines of business have increased their swagger in exponential proportion, say the member of the Mac/OS X faction.

Those in the music faction indicated that those in Apple’s traditional lines need to recognize the iPod’s importance and be realistic about what now drives the company’s business.

But members of the music faction may be taking things too far, and have even suggested certain recording luminaries take over key pieces of the Mac/OS X line to inject new life.

“I believe Brian Eno would provide a fresh approach to the BSD kernel,” said a source working on the iTunes Music Store who declined to be named.

“And for the hardware design, I’m thinking a Ted Nugent or perhaps Mick Mars of Motley Crue. I believe heavy metal expertise would come in handy when designing the Power Mac G5, for example.”

For their part, the Mac/OS X faction believe their new rivals are obnoxious prima donnas who should be quarantined in a division of their own where they can’t do any harm.

“This is a bunch of crap,” said an engineer working on the iMac line. “I didn’t go through four years of college studying computer hardware engineering to have some jackass in a Coldplay t-shirt lecture me on component architecture.”

CEO Steve Jobs has been asked repeatedly to intervene in this conflict, but has so far preferred to stay on the sidelines, believing a healthy dose of competition is good for performance.

“I also like to screw with them,” Jobs admitted.

No Responses to “Apple Divided Between Mac People, Music People.”

  1. OverclockedLemon says:

    First post, after reading, neener neener.

  2. always a bridesmaid says:

    Thoid. Third. Three. 03. 3.

  3. won says:

    highest. post. evar.

  4. 2000guitars says:

    Finally, finally, Jobs admits to what drives all of us.

  5. nxxx says:

    Last night, the first part of Scorsese’s “No Direction Home” was shown on BBC 2. During the credits, a full screen appeared that simply said “special thanks to Steve Jobs”.

    John, you are failing, this CARS post is NOT a rumour.

  6. Gordon Charlton says:

    From inside his chrysalis Jobs mumbles “Bring on the Trojan iPod. Release the lyrical attack dwarfs. Mwhaahaahaa”

    But the dwarfs, boozed up on fuctifino, can only stagger about and leer at Eno’s Lesbian Ninja Sexbots.

    Jobs crows in desperation as Eno scrambles all the names and combinations.


    PS I checked my oblique strategies widget for Eno’s advice re: the BSD kernel. He says: “Abandon Normal Instructions”!

  7. Gordon Charlton says:

    Moments later, Jobs recovers his composure, ready to unleash his ultimate weapon and, in an unprecedented move, turn OFF the reality distortion field.

    Ha! he yells, misquoting Kafka “You may resist the siren’s song, but you can’t avoid their silence!”

    But too late: stripped of the RDF, the sexbots are exposed as Luana and The Lizard People.

    Steve looks to his cohorts. They are the Seven Deadly Fins, bombarding him with cakes of praise. The fat lady of Limburg bears down on, demanding a jellyfish kiss. It’s all too horrible. His squelchy life caught up with him.

    “I am the central shaft,” Eno cries, “and now Microsoft…”

    …and far, far away, Blank Frank is leaving bombs in Ballmer’s driveway…


  8. vxx says:

    setting it up …..again….

    bring it on

  9. Ozi says:


    You bloody ripper.

    11th feels oh-so-sweet…

  10. Small Paul says:

    Okay, guys, about this first post stuff: it’s bad.


    See, please only comment if you’ve got thoughtful information to contribute, otherwise… you’ll be wrong.

    And remember, only spammers pretend to be other people.

  11. Small Paul says:

    Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I was being a total jackass with that “blah blah blah lifehacker blah blah blah good netizen.”

    Lucky 13!

  12. Mike says:

    a post!

  13. Not Small Paul says:

    15 is a good number… right?

  14. Del says:

    Who wants an Apple Tatoo and/or brand? I’ll be applying them in the Mega-Post.. I mean Giga-Post.

  15. Small Paul says:

    Oh and you have probably guessed why I am called “Small Paul”. Yes, you are right.

  16. Fiko says:

    Small Paul,

    I don’t understand why you are called Small Paul, mind you I was still in the infant’s class at 17.

    Sorry, this is 18.

  17. And Please, Oh Please….

    Don’t hire Ted Nugent for hardware design! That guy doesn’t know a capacitor from a wheatstone bridge! If you can imagine! Once, I heard, he wanted to include an optoisolator in a circuit to reduce jitter on his oscilloscope, if you kow what I mean. He didn’t.

    Still, we all know that Battling Business Units are considered a good thing, as long as we don’t anger the janitorial BBU.

    Oh, and 20th!

  18. BLACKJACK!! (21, get it? Oh screw you, and screw the Nano!) (Actually, I’m going to get one, but screw it anyway. I can’t enjoy tech if I can’t own the company behind it, but I must have a Nano…)

    Who’s the member of the Mac/OS X faction?

  19. ADeweyan says:

    Hey, wait a minute. Didn’t Brian Eno compose the Windows startup chime?

    I think he’s a plant.

    Err, a “plant” from Microsoft, not a vegetable. Though. Hmm. His music is rather sedate. I wonder…

  20. iBode says:

    Why did Safari not figure out there was a new article until now?

  21. Ace Deuce says:

    Instead of musicians becoming hardware or software engineers, how about software that turns any source code into music?

    Or the opposite. The song “Light My Fire” would produce the specs for an iFlame.

    Or for flint.