Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

The Help Desk guy called in sick, so today’s questions will be answered by a Macintosh User Group member!

Q: I have a PowerBook that I take with me when I travel to visit my clients. I purchased an AppleCare protection plan because I knew the machine would be subject to some abuse. My question is, under AppleCare protection, what is Apple’s responsibility to me to return my PowerBook to me in a timely fashion?
A: In order to run AppleCare on your System 7 machine, go into the Chooser and set AppleTalk to Active. Then open the AppleTalk control panel and…
Q: Um… I think that’s AppleShare.
A: What?
Q: That’s AppleShare. I’m talking about AppleCare. The warranty extension program.
A: Oh. Yeah, that’s wrong. I’m talking about AppleShare. See, all of the Macs I generally work with were discontinued during the first Clinton administration.
Q: I see.
A: Yeah, but you shouldn’t need any kind of extended warranty because Macs never fail.
Q: Uh-huh.
A: And they’re totally plug-and-play. Not like Windows 95.
Q: Of course they are.
A: OK, then! Glad I could help!
Q: Um… Yeah. Well… never mind.

Q: I have an iPod with a Firewire dock connector and I’m thinking of upgrading. But I see now that all of the units ship with USB 2.0 connectors, and I know the nano doesn’t even work with Firewire. Which units can I still use my Firewire cable with?
A: …
Q: I think the other units are still Firewire-compatible. Do you know for sure?
A: …
Q: Uh…
A: …
Q: I’ll just… well… I’ll just buy one and then return it if it doesn’t work. Or… um… get another cable or something.
A: …
Q: …
A: Fire… wire?

Q: I’m running System 7.6 on a Performa 6200 and I’m trying to load this web site in Cyberdog and I keep getting an error.
A: Ah! What’s the site?
Q: I hear they have these cool little windows that show you the baseball playoff games in action. I think they run on OpenDoc.
A: Well, I’m sure it’s just some non-standard code. Probably something to run on Windows, like some OLE plug-in or something. It’s a drag, but that’s the world we live in, right? Still, Cyberdog’s way cool, though. I’m sure the next release will have some really cool features.
Q: Oh, I’m sure it will. So, there’s this other web site that it won’t load.
A: Which one?
A: You’re… mocking me, aren’t you?
Q: Um… well… yes.
A: You know, MUG members have feelings, too.
Q: Yes, but they’re woefully out of date feelings.
A: Um… so?

78 thoughts on “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. double down!

    I almost went to a campus MUG meeting once. I can’t remember why I didn’t make it though. Probably drunk.

  2. My pants use System 7.

    They just won’t upgrade to OS X…

    I did have them running System 9.2 for a while, but they were just too sluggish. Not enough memory, I guess.

    System 8? pfft… Not on your life.


  3. ” I purchased an AppleCare protection plan because I new the machine…”

    Hmmm. Lets all do grade 2 again… basic grammar people. This is what is called a homophone.

    I think you meant to right.. oops i mean WRITE “knew”. 😛

  4. A “Homonym” (notice- only one “n”) is the same thing as a “homophone.”

    Just use the built in Dictionary!

    Or, are you MUG members running 8.1?

  5. Hey, quit slammin’ the MUGs. I belong to a MUG. Macdom would be in the ditch without MUGs. Who championed RISC for desktops? MUGs. Who transitioned Macs to Unix? MUGs. Who invented the internet? MUGs. Who’s your daddy? That’s right, MUGs.

    By the way, send in your dues so we can rent the meeting room next month.

    Okay, I feel better now. I should be back next Friday to answer the phone as usual.

  6. iBode,

    Your “Haayyy Moto” remarks suggest that you too can’t get the bloody Motorola cell phone to sync with your Mac.

  7. Actually, I have a crappy Nokia that couldn’t sync if it was Ashley Simpson.

    I’m gonna upgrade it soon, unless an iPod video is reveled Wednesday.

    The “Haaayy!” will be explained next post.

  8. Ok, so my school (in Minnesota) has a teacher from New Orleans teaching Spanish. Since he obviously was without a job, he came up north to teach at my little school.

    He’s a really cool guy, but he has that high, lispy gay voice, and sometimes acts like one. No, he’s not gay, but because of the voice and the way he acts, most of the school assumes he is (stupid teenagers).

    I don’t why, but he seems to know the stereotype people put on him and he goes with it.

    So, here’s a joke he told to his Spanish classes:

    What does a gay horse eat?


  9. Sorry iBode, got to ask as there can only be one answer, how do you know he is not gay?

    A bit like asking,”Have you stopped beating your wife?”

  10. He’s a strong LCMS Lutheran and has a girlfriend.

    P.S. That’s good ficko. Can I use it [in the one other time in my life in which it would apply]?

  11. ummm… seeing that Macs are being used primarly in the Arts and entertainment industry, and seeing that the A&E industry is at least 60% gay people… i really think that perhaps you should keep the homo comments to yourself…

    …..and by the way… “Yes”

  12. Yes… to what?

    By the way, why are ficko and nxxx using the same email?

    Are they the same person?

    Or is one just directing any hate mail to the other?

    Or, is it neither’s, and they’ve stolen it from some poor helpless victim?

    Perhaps they’re a in the same family?

    Or none of the above!

    The plot thickens!

  13. Ok, not being a MUG member myself (at least any longer) I thought AppleShare was what AppleTalk became around OS 9.2.2. AppleShare is IP based and so it is not limited by zones like the old AppleTalk protocol.

    I may be wrong here, but this article seems a little fishy. Wouldn’t a MUG member know a mac running System 7 wouldn’t be using AppleShare?

  14. Wow, are you saying that Nxxx and Ficko are the same person??? How is that possible. You are messing with my whole concept of this site. I thought hundreds of people came and posted here, and now you are telling me that it may just be two or three people pretending to be more?????

    The next thing you’ll tell me is that there is no “Entity or Howard, what about Ugluk or Thor. You guys are destroying my little reality!!!!!!!!!

    What about that time I got first post !!!! Are you saying that wasn’t an important milestone in my life????

  15. No, they are lying about everything. It is all really important, except your first post, don’t try for that anymore.


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