In a disturbing sign for the continued success of video sales through the highly misnamed iTunes Music Store, Apple abruptly announced several changes to the sale of video content.
Starting tomorrow, the video portion of the inappropriately monikered iTunes Music Store will now be called “The Lost Store” to prevent confusion.
“We found in our late testing of the store that most everyone was really just looking to download episodes of Lost,” said Apple Senior Vice President of Sales and Operations Tim Cook.
“The other shows? Turns out, not so much.”
Cook said the company believes it can substantially drive sales by making it clear where customers should go to download the one television show on the store that they might be interested in.
“I sure hope they make a lot of that show…” he mused. “‘Cause Timmy needs a new pair of shoes.”
Cook pointed to his shoes which did, indeed, look worn.
Additionally, in a move that is expected to be highly unpopular, Apple has decided to add the commercials back in to each television episode.
“Steve [Jobs] made the decision after seeing that Bacardi and Cola ad, which he thought was very clever,” said Apple Senior Vice President of the iPod Division Jon Rubinstein.
“I didn’t find it very funny. Maybe because I don’t really drink.
“Oh, I might have a Fuzzy Navel or a London Fog every now and again…”
Finally, in order to sweeten the deal for customers, the company is throwing in a 15-minute video of Steve Jobs having trouble opening a can of Tahini, set to Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries, with each purchase.
Apple, other than the senior executives above, declined to comment for this story.