14 Nov 05Apple Settles On Strategy For Selling PowerPC Laptops.


With rumors swirling of a first quarter 2006 delivery of Intel-based PowerBooks, Apple has devised a scheme to prop up flagging sales of existing PowerPC-based PowerBooks.

Using viral marketing through rumor sites such as this one, the company will spread the word that the first Intel-based PowerBooks will be horribly buggy pieces of crap.

By convincing customers that it makes little sense to wait for unproven technology, the company hopes to recapture lost sales.

“If I could talk to Apple customers through a web site such as yours,” an Apple source said, “I’d say ‘Don’t buy a buggy first-edition.’ PowerPC-based PowerBooks are mature, stable platforms. Get one while you still can!”

Apple followers note that the philosophy, while being employed for Apple’s gain, is not entirely made of whole cloth.

“Think about it,” said Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell. “Macs are not used to having Intel chips inside them. It’s an unnatural pairing. It’s going to be like those episodes of the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits where some guy gets a new heart and then finds out it came from a serial killer and all of a sudden he goes on an uncontrollable killing spree.

“Seriously. It’s going to be just like that. PowerBooks on homicidal rampages.”

According to sources, once the Intel-based PowerBooks appear the company will shift gears and make it clear that anyone still owning a PowerPC-based PowerBook is a total loser luddite who is a little girl and cries like a girl and likes to wear little dresses and prance around like a girl.

Except for the girls who will be portrayed as something else.

26 Responses to “Apple Settles On Strategy For Selling PowerPC Laptops.”

  1. k.s. says:

    twwwwoooo

  2. maybe they could give away a muffin with every laptop, because those muffin are o so yummy ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. iBode says:

    4!

    Hey-

    I’ve heard those widescreen iBooks are going to be total crap.

    Yeah.

    The screens are going to have the same number of pixels as the new iPod.

    And I’ve heard Intel Chips spontaneously combust.

    Scary, huh?

  4. Ozi says:

    I am quick. Like a fox. ๐Ÿ˜€

    Anyways, my current G4 pBook already does the whole homicide thing. I have had many a good sperm killed by its heated under-belly of death.

    I may indeed be one of a new race of men who evolve heat-tempered testes.

  5. Anonymous says:

    V!

  6. Tritone says:

    Seven? Anyway I have nothing interesting to say.

  7. Woz II says:

    eighth! and yes, i wanna muffin, a blueberry one, please, if you want me to buy one of those crappy things!

  8. 2000guitars says:

    if it talks like a girl and cries like a girl…

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Nth.

  10. byTheOcean says:

    11th?

  11. Nxxx says:

    If Intel powered laptops go around killing people, why hasn’t my Dell kil………………………………………………………………………………………………………….disconnected.

  12. Jeremiah says:

    I could sure go for some fish and chips, easy on the batter.

  13. scared monster says:

    As a matter of facts, I had a strong information about intel chips being gates leading toward other dimensions of time and space where only people with stripped shirt could survive.

    I am not going to wear those stripped shirts.

    It makes me look likeย…let’s say Billy G.

  14. Slowpoke says:

    I heared that the Intel chips had ketchup in the middle and would come in Krinkle Cut and Beefeater.

    I aslo heared that the CARS logo is what Steeeevy Jay (S. Jobs) looks like if you take a photo of him at midnight whilst in a graveyard after saying ‘Boogroo’ thirteen times. But the guy that told me that also said the next iPod would have a real wheel off of a 1971 Lancia Beta Coupe instead of a click wheel.

  15. Krabappel's son says:

    Hu, I like to wear… little dresses… and… sort of… Nah, forget it.

  16. Gag Halfrunt says:

    I like girls in pants.

    My pants, to be precise.

  17. Gay Choreographer says:

    People ….. People

    These comments are all over the place, let’s get it together, focus everyone, FOCUS !!!!!!

    Jeremiah put down the fish and chips, you with the muffin drop it. Does everyone remember why we are here, evil boys choir are you ready, and on three, one, two and ……. wait, where is pysko and huh?, Del ? where is Del. OK let’s take 5 and then we’ll try this thing when everyone is here …. Gag leave the little girl alone ….. right, back in 5 and let’s get it right this time.

  18. CG5Addict says:

    I really disagree with Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell saying “Macs are not used to having Intel chips inside them. It’s an unnatural pairing.”

    This has been in testing since OS 10.0. This talk souunds like they just started testing these chips on OSX when Steve told us about the change to intel chips.

    Also with the talk about the slow powerbook sales, I’m sure the Nano’s & video iPods will cover the slow times for Apple.

    Xmas will be awesome time for Apple ๐Ÿ˜‰

  19. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Oh please! CARS is being used! I switched to Intel-based Macs back when Apple introduced System 7 and they are not “buggy” at all. And I stopped wearing the little girl dresses two years ago. I’m currently in a 12-step program to kick the prancing thing. Shesh. Don’t fall for it guys.

  20. “If Intel powered laptops go around killing people, why hasn’t my Dell?” – Nxxx

    It’s killing you alright, just very slowly. Everytime I log into my Dell craptop at work each morning a little of me dies inside. That and I’m still pissed about being moved to a new AD domain. God damn these things are crap. I swear that Vista will be soooo much like Tiger that it will have stripes, sharp claws and wiskers. I’m just as sick of using Windows at the rest of you, it’s just that I get paid when the corporate sheep go with, you guessed it, wintel again. I actually only use Macs at home… while wearing a striped shirt.

  21. Dimitrios says:

    twenty2ndeth….me thinks. Hi, I’m new. Did someone mention muffins?

  22. Will Feldhusen says:

    Quit talking about muffins. You are making me hungry. I wonder if dell laptops make you hungry. Probably.

  23. Will Feldhusen says:

    Now is my chance! I claim last post!