15 Nov 05Apple Campus Invaded By Saucer-Men.


A shocked Apple world could only sit by and watch today as the company campus was invaded by a race of saucer-men of undetermined origin.

Landing in waves of sleek saucers, the saucer-men disembarked and positioned themselves about Apple’s headquarters.

“Nobody knows why they’re here or where they’ve come from,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs at a press conference this afternoon, as he sought to calm the public.

“Most certainly they have come from beyond the moon, but their intentions so far seem peaceful. We can only assume from how they comport themselves that they are attempting to communicate with us as iconic examples of civilization’s potential for good and the promise that mankind can be strong, resolute and upstanding.

“At least that’s what I get out of it. Tim seems to think they may be selling something.”

Leaning in to a microphone, Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook said “Uh, yes, I think it may be a big car ad. Or maybe cola.”

Having exited their saucers, the saucer-men seem to be contenting themselves by simply standing about and striking various Devo-like poses.

“They really look quite jaunty, don’t they?” said Chief Technologist Avie Tevanian, admiring several nearby saucer-men. “Standing there with their arms akimbo…

“They really spruce the place up,” Tevanian concluded.

“It’s really going to be a shame when I burn it to the ground,” he added, his lips curling into a sinister smile. “Heh-heh-heh.”

Looking about suddenly startled Tevanian said “Did I say that last part out loud?”

So far all attempts to communicate directly with the saucer-men have met with failure. Having tried spoken language, sign language and flash cards, the company says it will try interpretive dance next.

34 Responses to “Apple Campus Invaded By Saucer-Men.”

  1. OverclockedLemon says:

    Aaand..

    first post.

  2. OverclockedLemon says:

    Dangit! stupid code took out my

    {glances around furtively}

    in the middle there. Drat.

  3. OverclockedLemon says:

    Heh… posted before they finished their post. When I first posted, that picture wasn’t in the article. All hail the saucer people!

  4. PoisedNoise says:

    stop bumping yourself. Second I say. 🙂

  5. Nxxx says:

    OK Jobs, but what have you done with Cup people?

    Elllevvven and an eighth.

  6. Broon says:

    In that case… third post!

  7. 2000guitars says:

    Maybe they’re selling… saucers! Hey, they’re saucer men.

  8. Carl says:

    *Dances interpretively*

  9. Gordon Charlton says:

    These are clearly Vonnegut’s Tralfamadorians.

    Forget interpretive dance – try tapdancing and farting!

  10. Gordon Charlton says:

    Wait a minute. That *is* interpretative dance.

    Silly me.

  11. Sparky says:

    I for one, welcome our new saucer-people rulers!

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    What do Apple think they’re dealing with? Bees? Don’t they realise they’ve got to exterminate these saucer creatures not dance with them?

    This is what happens when the first line of space defense is sandle wearing hippies!

  13. Gordon Charlton says:

    tap tappytap tappy taptap fart

    tap tappytap tappy taptap fart

    tappy taptap fart

    tappy taptap fart

    tap tappytap

    tap tappytap

    tap tappytap tappy taptap fart fart fart!

  14. one man and his mac says:

    Car ad? Cola ad? Or Apple ad!

    Clearly, with no products being released recently, Steve is getting limelight-withdrawl symptoms. So he got a bunch of mates to dress up as aliens to get him in the press.

    For proof: read the article again – it mentions Avie and Tim, but *nothing* about Phil Schiller. And since when did you ever get a CARS article that doesn’t refer to Phil?

  15. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Try “Klaatu Barada Nikto.” It seems to mellow the big guy out for some reason.

  16. Will Feldhusen says:

    What if you sing “Klaatu Barada Nikto” while dancing and farting? And, is Schiller their leader? He might be, since he’s not there. Suspiscious.

  17. Gag Halfrunt says:

    Are they wearing pants? It is very important to know whether or not they are wearing pants.

    My pants, to be precise.

    It’s getting cold here.

  18. Nxxx says:

    What silly bugger suggested tap dancing? Just fallen off tap and broken ankle in sink.

  19. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    I think these saucer guys are just lost in space and time, none of the aliens I’ve seen lately (on TV and Movies) wear clothes like that any more. Now a days they we have aliens “of color” (not B&W aliens). Just look at that guy’s (or flat chested gal) face, the blank expression. That is one confused alien, maybe they just stopped to ask directions.

  20. Del says:

    Klaatu Barrada n… Necktie… Nickel… It’s an “N” word, it’s definitely an “N” word

    Klaatu Barada Ni*sneezes*

    *Grabs the book and runs*

    Look. Maybe I didn’t say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

  21. Gordon Charlton says:

    Nxxx fell in the sink?

    Lucky I didn’t suggest doing the “Gay Gordons”.

    Gordon

    http://www.electricscotland.com/ssf/images/gaygordons.jpg

  22. Ace Deuce says:

    Telepathy.

    These are saucer-men, after all.

    If that doesn’t work, try J. S. Bach on a large pipe organ.

  23. That does look a bit like Gort from The Day The Earth Stood Still. Anyone know where that’s from? Spaceships, alien ones, look a lot like muffins. There, I said it.

    Anyway, on with today’s rant:

    sandle wearing hippies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You’ve been to Cupertino too! They call them Berkinstocks. It makes me think of patchouli oil and women with hairy legs. Sorry, that was not the rant.

    Arrrrgh! Here it be, matey:

    He learned almost too late that Jobs is a feeling creature… and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that Apple have to find its’ own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when Bill seeks such perfection… I find only bugs… badly copied user interfaces… data loss… disillusionment of VistaFS… the end of everything that’s gone forward, for Microsoft. Users have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Jobs himself.

  24. Efficient says:

    Kick their butt.

  25. Ahnyer Keester says:

    No, Billiard “I could go for an alien muffin” Gates III, Gort was the tall silvery robot dude. The dude in the picture is Klaatu.

    Man, and I thought you were like the uber-geek. I am SO glad I switched platforms before the invasion.

  26. njyo says:

    I thinp it’s the G6 ad. So communicating via “Dum dudum dum dum” should evoke some drumming life out of these creatures.

    It#s time they showed up, 2006 starts soon. =)

  27. iBode says:

    Crap no…

    Look at that picture. The position of his arm. A salute of some sort. Looks familiar…

    That’s right. There are alien Nazis all over the Apple campus.

    Aha! Hitler did not commit suicide! He was abducted by aliens, and he then converted them to Nazism!

  28. Streetrabbit says:

    Is that bite supposed to be out of the apple?

    MY GOD! THE SAUCER-MEN ARE EATING APPLE!

  29. Anonymous says:

    They just forgot to book first on the concierge system, and are trying to see a genius to find out why their new powerbook isn’t showing all the 3D photos of their last picnic in the horsehead nebula when they do spotlight searches – probably don’t realise they are still on iPhoto 4, and they need to upgrade to 5.0.2

  30. Cool! Thanks, Ahnyer. I found a picture of them both at http://www.jeffbots.com/gort.html

    Live long and prosper.

  31. Will Feldhusen says:

    Am I last? Or something else?

    Like a loony.

  32. HD Guy says:

    See, now, I just saw this movie this past Monday (Netflix and all) and the phrase is “Gort, Klaatu, Barada Nikto.”

    Gort is the robot made of the same indestructable metal as the flying saucer. You know, the one where you can’t even see the cracks in the door when it’s closed. Okay? Got that?

    Klatuu is the space man, not the robot. Got it? Good.

    And of course, Patricia Neal is her usual buxom luciousness. She may not be the lesbian ninja sexbot that Gort is lusting for (in-between making automatic weapons and tanks disappear into puddles of molten metal) but for us meat puppets, she’s hot stuff.