17 Nov 05Intel-Based iBooks Coming To Macworld 2006.

The Macintosh community was as giddy as a little girl today as rumor spread that Apple will deliver Intel-based iBooks at Macworld San Francisco in early January.

This revelation came as a pleasant surprise as the company had previously set expectations that Intel-based Macs would not be arriving until the second quarter of 2006.

But analysts and many inside the company have worried that Intel-based iBooks will cannibalize sales of moribund PowerPC-based PowerBooks until such time as Apple’s pro line also switches processors.

To prevent this, the company has had to take some unusual measures in the design of the Intel-based iBook that would give the PowerBook a competitive advantage for pro users.

“Upon booting, a source told Crazy Apple Rumors Site, “a series of razor-sharp steel spikes will spring from the machine, instantly killing the user.”

According to the source, only pro users check for this kind of thing.

“Consumer users will usually just pick a laptop up, sort of heft it in their hands, turn it over as if looking for obvious flaws such as great gaping holes in the bottom indicating a total lack of innards… possibly lick it… but they won’t look for deadly traps.

“That’s what makes the pro user a pro.”

Analysts praised the move as a master stroke.

“Apple has killed two birds with one stone,” said the Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg. “Or one pointy spike, if you will. The company will have delivered Intel-based Macs ahead of schedule without damaging sales of non-Intel-based machines.

“And… yes, it will have also killed a whole bunch of customers. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

“Unless you buy those low-cholesterol egg substitutes that come in a carton. And, you know, if you put enough butter and cheese in the omelet, you can hardly tell you used low-cholesterol eggs.”

28 Responses to “Intel-Based iBooks Coming To Macworld 2006.”

  1. Zeb says:

    Oh thats a two’er.

  2. Ilan says:


  3. Nxxx says:

    Buy your iArmour here.

  4. itsmeee says:

    *Spits on 8th spot*

  5. Stop spitting on my 8th spot. I finally earned a spot in the top 10 again!

  6. I’m gonna go ahead an take 9, too.

    Ya snooze, ya lose.

  7. Sudo Nym says:

    If I can’t get FIRST post, I’m not going to post at all!

    So there!

  8. Carl says:

    You can make an omlette without murder, but why would you want to?

  9. fatbo says:

    13th, b*tches

  10. dr_erick says:

    I believe it’s “You can’t make an omelet without breaking wind.”

    but I have been wrong before.

    also, relativistic first post.

  11. Gordon Charlton says:

    They way people say it to me it’s

    “You can’t make an omelette.”


  12. Will Feldhusen says:

    I can’t even eat an omelette without breaking eggs.

  13. iBode says:

    “BUY” Moltz, not “by”!!

    “Unless you by those low-cholesterol egg substitutes”?

    What’s that?


  14. Gag Halfrunt says:

    Spike… in… pants… Nah, too easy.

    I want to lick Intel-based pants.

  15. Intel Macs are an abomination! An abomination I tell you. YOU SOLD OUT APPLE!

  16. Huh? says:

    Quite the entertaing column today…

    Oh, Gag? My pants refuse to come within a hundred feet of you. With or without an Intel processor.

    I don’t know. They’re weird about that….


  17. Ahnyer Keester says:

    With the new Intel-based iBooks, you will probably be able to cook the omelette on the iBook. I’m thinking Intel = hot. Not “Jennifer fricking Connelly” kind of hot but temperature “cook your frickin’ huevos laptop kind of hot.

    And I’m claiming last post. So back off!

  18. Ace Deuce says:

    I’ll settle for the post after last.

    Be sure to put your nano in a protective case before using the new iBook, or you’ll have the new “iPod killer.”

  19. Egg Head says:

    That’s just flat out wrong!. No matter how much butter and cheese you use, you can still tell.

    Also I’ll claim 2nd post after last.

  20. I am Bill

    I am Bill

    Bill I am

    That Bill-I-am !

    That Bill-I-am !

    I do not like

    that Bill-I-am!

    Do you like

    low-cholesterol egg substitutes that come in a carton?

    I do not like them


    I do not like

    low-cholesterol egg substitutes that come in a carton

    Would you like them

    here or there ?

    I would not like them

    here or there

    I would not like them


    I do not like

    low-cholesterol egg substitutes that come in a carton

    I do not like them


    Would you like Vista on your WinMac mini?

    Okay, just fuck off right now Bill-I-am.

    Shit. 🙁

  21. TRO says:

    its still safer than using Windows…

  22. Will Feldhusen says:

    I claim next to last.

  23. word says:

    First post!

  24. WebCester says:

    Man, I want a strapon lesbo. Imagine how much fun one of those would be. Seriously though, porn spam is starting to have quality issues.