Intel-Based iBooks Coming To Macworld 2006.


The Macintosh community was as giddy as a little girl today as rumor spread that Apple will deliver Intel-based iBooks at Macworld San Francisco in early January.

This revelation came as a pleasant surprise as the company had previously set expectations that Intel-based Macs would not be arriving until the second quarter of 2006.

But analysts and many inside the company have worried that Intel-based iBooks will cannibalize sales of moribund PowerPC-based PowerBooks until such time as Apple’s pro line also switches processors.

To prevent this, the company has had to take some unusual measures in the design of the Intel-based iBook that would give the PowerBook a competitive advantage for pro users.

“Upon booting, a source told Crazy Apple Rumors Site, “a series of razor-sharp steel spikes will spring from the machine, instantly killing the user.”

According to the source, only pro users check for this kind of thing.

“Consumer users will usually just pick a laptop up, sort of heft it in their hands, turn it over as if looking for obvious flaws such as great gaping holes in the bottom indicating a total lack of innards… possibly lick it… but they won’t look for deadly traps.

“That’s what makes the pro user a pro.”

Analysts praised the move as a master stroke.

“Apple has killed two birds with one stone,” said the Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg. “Or one pointy spike, if you will. The company will have delivered Intel-based Macs ahead of schedule without damaging sales of non-Intel-based machines.

“And… yes, it will have also killed a whole bunch of customers. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

“Unless you buy those low-cholesterol egg substitutes that come in a carton. And, you know, if you put enough butter and cheese in the omelet, you can hardly tell you used low-cholesterol eggs.”

28 thoughts on “Intel-Based iBooks Coming To Macworld 2006.”

  14. I believe it’s “You can’t make an omelet without breaking wind.”

    but I have been wrong before.

    also, relativistic first post.

  20. Quite the entertaing column today…

    Oh, Gag? My pants refuse to come within a hundred feet of you. With or without an Intel processor.

    I don’t know. They’re weird about that….

    moo

  21. With the new Intel-based iBooks, you will probably be able to cook the omelette on the iBook. I’m thinking Intel = hot. Not “Jennifer fricking Connelly” kind of hot but temperature “cook your frickin’ huevos laptop kind of hot.

    And I’m claiming last post. So back off!

  22. I’ll settle for the post after last.

    Be sure to put your nano in a protective case before using the new iBook, or you’ll have the new “iPod killer.”

  23. That’s just flat out wrong!. No matter how much butter and cheese you use, you can still tell.

    Also I’ll claim 2nd post after last.

  24. I am Bill

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    That Bill-I-am !

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    that Bill-I-am!

    Do you like

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    I do not like them

    Bill-I-am

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    Would you like them

    here or there ?

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    here or there

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    I do not like them

    Bill-I-am

    Would you like Vista on your WinMac mini?

    Okay, just fuck off right now Bill-I-am.

    Shit. 🙁

  28. Man, I want a strapon lesbo. Imagine how much fun one of those would be. Seriously though, porn spam is starting to have quality issues.

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