Apple Customers Not Clear On Economics, Personal Issues.

Research conducted through a study funded by the Pew Charitable Trusts shows that Apple customers are not clear on certain basic principles of a market economy, as well as other issues of a personal nature.

According to the research – which included interviews, surveys, and a review of writings published on the Internet – conducted by economic sociologists at Carnegie Mellon University, Apple customers were unaware of the laws of supply and demand and the market forces that set pricing and product life cycles.

Despite their startling ignorance, however, Apple customers do not lack for bravado about their supposed expertise in Apple’s business. At parties, on the Internet and in confessionals, they ply their pet proposals for Apple’s “sure-fire” means of supplanting Microsoft.

Chief researcher Anthony Fischetti highlighted several faulty talking points that he says have been endemic over the last several years.

“It’s unclear whether Apple customers are being willfully ignorant or are just stupid,” Fischetti said, flipping through several charts. “However, these two frequently-used statements are emblematic of their patently incorrect understanding of the technology business. Or, indeed, any business.”

  • “That highly popular Apple device that is flying off the shelves costs too much!”
  • “I bought a laptop from Apple and they screwed me when they introduced a faster laptop eight months later!

“These are what we in the research field like to describe as ‘noise’. Not statistical noise, which would be the presence of outliers, but noise in the sense of blather from someone who doesn’t have the slightest idea what they’re talking about.”

But more disturbing than those who quibble over market dynamics, Fischetti’s research found, are the Apple customers who look to adhere to their Platonian ideal of “a perfect Apple.”

“For these individuals,” Frischetti said, “Apple has become a god – supposedly flawless and divine. And when the company shows that it is forced to act on the same plane of reality that the rest of us do, their belief system is shattered.”

  • “The battery on my Apple product doesn’t last forever!”
  • “My Apple product gets scratched when I put it in my trunk with my tire iron! And then beat it with a brick! And then, yeah, OK, I rubbed it with sandpaper… and… then lit it on fire.”

“We believe that these Apple customers have misdirected mother and/or father issues,” Frischetti said.

“Or they may just be loser whiners. I, um, haven’t finished that last scatter graph yet.”

Frischetti said that he and his fellow researchers are applying for a follow-up grant to determine why so many Apple customers smell so bad.

32 thoughts on “Apple Customers Not Clear On Economics, Personal Issues.”

  1. What a Thanksgiving present (do you give presents at Thanksgiving? Excuse my European ignorance) we get from Moltz. From now on I resolve not to complain if my on order G5 Quad arrives and bursts into flames, destroying London when first switched on, as it is the market working.

    Adam Smith was so right.

  2. I was always amused by the people who would insist to me that Apple should add some feature or another to the iPod, because they couldn’t imagine that tens of millions of people could do without their pet feature.

    Sorry guys, the iPod doesn’t need to play .ogg files, no matter how emphatically you claim it does.


  3. While I am an Apple customer, I don’t feel particularly insulted by this finding. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because my dual G4 makes me INVULNERABLE!

    Umpteenther than thou.

  4. Are you sure that wasn’t a spiro-graph he was using? Anyone remember those things?

    Moltz you rock.

  5. If I smell it’s because I’ve dragged my 17″ powerbook through [windoze] hell and back. Everybody knows that demon blood rots on our plane of reality? I can’t help it if it’s completely covered the glowing apple on the back of the screen. You try hacking your way back to earth with your powerbook and see if the very sustenance of all that is evil isn’t drawn to the light; the light that can purify all.

    I’m just glad I don’t have one of the newer powerbooks that are brighter. Who knows what matter of appendages would have bound themselves to it in hopes of redemption.?

    (Betcha Constantine would have done a whole lot better with one of those puppies.)

  6. I want to comment, I really do, but… uh… well my mate dave said there would be an even funnier posting in the very near future, so I shouldn’t waste my funny on this one… oh and


  7. Nxxx, if you’ve ordered a quad G5 and might burn down a major European city, why don’t you move to Paris. Nobody would miss them, and also, it would really be the City of Light.

    Tune to FOX News and get insights like this all the time.

  8. Apple has done this to me so many times. They keep on making better things! It’s not fair!

  9. This article is so true! Just like when I took my PowerBook and I shoved [TEXT REDACTED BY DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY] beaver! It’s so unfair!

    (Um, does anyone else get the feeling that they’re being followed?


    OK. Whew. Had me for a minute there.)

  10. * Frischetti said that he and his fellow researchers are applying for a follow-up grant to determine why so many Apple customers smell so bad.*

    Hey! [sniff]… [sigh] …nevermind.

  11. First off as one of the female posters to this site I have to say Mac geeks are generally much cleaner and smell less than the average computer geek. Most Mac geeks understand what a shower is and knows how to use it. They also tend to be less anti-social which may be due to all the windows users drooling over their hardware.

    Second my pet proposals for Apple’s “sure-fire” means of supplanting Microsoft is to get my pets (the Ninja Kittens of World Renown) to take M$ down. They did a great job on Cyrusoft (The makers of the Mullbery emailer) when Apple wanted to cut down on OS X mail competition. They are ready for the big one.

  12. Oooo… this should be fun!!!

    *grabs chair, and sits down to watch the spectacular demise of Nxxx*

    Oh, and my pants resent the bit about smelling.


  13. *Del explains to her kittens that they can no longer have nice fresh tuna steak served in a warm Miso Soup because mean nasty Nxxx said so. *

    Anyone who lives near Nxxx may want to carry an umbrella in the next few days to keep that warm red rain off of them.

  14. Nxxx if I were you I’d carry 2 iFlames with you all the time, and keep a third under your pillow when you sleep. In fact, better hire a 24 hour security guard. And put tuna in his pockets. That way while the kittens are demolishing him you’ll have time to run…

  15. Del,

    I am willing to bet a hopper of copper that you are the only female that posts messages to this site.

    Unless the others hide their gender to avoid gawkers.

  16. That is a possibility. There is Masako but I don’t recall if any other posters claim to be female. Did the Ret. Col’s wife post once?

  17. “Research conducted through of a study funded”

    I’m thinking “Delete the ‘of’.” Aren’t you?

  18. Well…It isn’t fair that I bought a reconditioned Performa 600CD and it won’t run OS 10! Apple doesn’t care about their long time supporters. There isn’t any reason my eMate should be excluded from software updates. Nevermind that I bought all this junk off eBay last week in a lot that included 43 broken Dell computers, Apple OWES me updates!

    And I don’t smell. It is the lingering odor in the cubicle from the Linux geek who used to work here.

  19. Apple people smell bad because they are very productive geniuses. It’s their hard work that brings results.

    You know, 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.

    And so they smell bad. Sometimes.

    Trust me, you don’t want to be like those fruity Windows-using metrosexuals. You really don’t.

  20. Hey I’m female! Oh, wait, my pants tell me I’m not. Oh yeah, and I don’t post here either. Who are you people and why are you trying to confuse me?

  21. The pants ALWAYS know.

    They’re good about that.

    Oh, the Ret. Col’s wife did post once or twice.


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