Weeks before January’s Macworld 2006, it now appears that Apple is up to something.
While details of what it is exactly the company is up to have yet to solidify, it has become apparent through the company’s actions that it is something big. According to sources, all of the company’s employees have been acting particularly shifty recently – more so than usual.
“I was at the gas station on De Anza Blvd. the other night late,” said Cupertino resident Scott Lennox. “And Phil Schiller pulls up and starts filling up his Lamborghini. I knew it was Schiller immediately because it had a bumper sticker on it that said ‘My other car is a Zamboni.’
“Anyway, he’s filling up his car and the whole time he’s looking over his shoulder. Like this.”
Lennox then demonstrated what someone looking over his shoulder might look like.
“You know, where the chin turns parallel to the shoulders and the eyes look behind. Like this.”
Lennox repeated the demonstration, despite the relative simplicity of the concept he was attempting to convey.
As annoying as Lennox’s testimony was, however, his story of shiftiness by Apple executives was corroborated by others.
“Steve Jobs was in here Tuesday,” said Angelica Nalley, owner of Grains-N-Things, a local vegan restaurant. “He ordered a plate of bulgar with a side of plain tofu and the whole time he was waiting his eyes kept darting back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
“He was totally up to something. Totally.”
Neither Lennox or Nalley were able to provide insights into what it is that Apple is up to.
But Charley Sloan, a deliverer for an international shipping firm, claims to have delivered a small cardboard box to Apple that caused some uneasiness.
“The woman who signed for it was perspiring slightly. I remember it distinctly because it was quite cool out. So I think it has something to do with something that would fit into a small cardboard box.
“You should check into that.”
Apple declined to comment officially for this story, but did squint and look about suspiciously.