Apple To Make Shocking Macworld Revelation.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple is set to make a shocking revelation at next week’s Macworld San Francisco, one that will devastate the Macintosh community.

According to highly placed sources in the Satanic underworld, the company will be forced to announce that, as soon as the switch to Intel is complete, the company will be switching from Mac OS X to Windows Vista.

The Macintosh community is sure to be thrown into utter turmoil with much rending of garments and gnashing of teeth over such an announcement. But the switch is reportedly one that the company has little choice but to make.

“During the mid-1990s,” said M’Aabla, demon-spawn of Hell, “Apple entered into a deal with Satan to save its bacon.”

Shortly after Windows 95 was released, certain key members of the company became convinced that only a deal with the devil would save Apple.

M’Aabla said “Satan kept the company alive long enough to get back on its feet with the iPod. But he demanded that Apple switch to Intel and then Windows because he knew that would cause the worst possible emotional and spiritual trauma possible to Mac users.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Satan’s kind of a dick.”

Apple, as an organization, entered into a 10-year deal with the Prince of Darkness that has now come to term.

“And Satan does not offer an option of refinancing at a lower rate. He just doesn’t. That’s not the way he rolls.”

M’Aabla indicated that per the terms of the deal, if Apple were to renege, the souls of its chief executives would become forfeit to the Dark One.

Still, there is some hope that CEO Steve Jobs may be able to work some late-inning magic (perhaps literally) in order to avert this utter catastrophe.

For instance, some speculate that Jobs may simply fire Satan.

“There aren’t many people who could fire Satan,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue, “But I believe Steve Jobs is one of them.

“And maybe Don Rickles.”

Apple spokesperson Cynthia McLaren has consistently denied the company has any dealings with Lucifer despite multiple late-night calls to her home in which reporters just whispered “Ssssssssssaaaaaaatttttaaaaaaannnnnn…”