13 Mar 06Upcoming Video iPod Not The Video iPod.

Extremely disappointing news has reached the Crazy Apple Rumors Site headquarters today as sources indicated that the upcoming iPod announcement will not be that of the true video iPod as expected, but another pretend video iPod.

As educated Apple followers will know, the “video” iPod that was released in October was not the true video iPod. October’s faux “video” iPod is really nothing more than a resized photo iPod with a larger hard drive and certain added capabilities.

Such as the ability to play video.

The true video iPod – predicted by rumor sites since the Clinton administration – will be a video powerhouse of untold video power featuring a video screen of gigantic iPod porportions with enhanced video graphics and, most importantly, the ability to play video.

Totally different iPod.

Quite possibly it will also feature free high-speed wireless downloading of movies currently in the theater, force feedback for the Brickles game, free pie and an optional laser cannon for you to use to smite your enemies. These remain unconfirmed, however.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site is advising readers to not be fooled by whatever pretender to the throne of the one true video iPod Apple trots out later this week. Wait for the real thing which Apple will almost certainly announce next month or the month after or sometime during the Time of the Lawgiver when apes rule the Earth.

That’s supposed to be around 2050.

The one, true video iPod’s appearance will be notable for causing Apple fans to experience:

  • Weakness in the knees
  • Visions of a chorus of angels sounding upon high
  • A damp, squishy feeling in the loins
  • Stigmata

Rest assured that rumor sites will let you know when the one true video iPod has arrived.

35 Responses to “Upcoming Video iPod Not The Video iPod.”

  1. comacnut says:

    Uno

  2. comacnut says:

    Laser canons are boss.

  3. Zeb says:

    “A damp, squishy feeling in the loins”

    Ummm, ahem, that would be the ham I’m defrosting there?

  4. Buthidae says:

    Cinqa!

    Unbeknownest to most rumour-mongers (yes, that’s how the word is really spelt!), the coming of the video iPod will bring World Peace. But no-one will move out of your way on the bus.

  5. iBode says:

    Judging from the description of Apple fans’ reactions, viewing the true video iPod will be a combination of Christ’s return and porn.

  6. Nxxx says:

    I was Alpha testing the True Video iPod when I crashed the car.
    Oh and dwarfs.

  7. fatbo says:

    crap. should have said ocho.

    nueve.

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    It will play not just video, but moving pictures, and talkies!

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Not to mention Popeye cartoons.

    eleventh!

  10. One man and his mac says:

    Free pie, eh? Well, 44 years is a while, but to get that free pie … do you think they’ll ship with different flavours?

  11. Modrak says:

    So unlucky number….13th

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    The iPod’s dead for me.

    I’m over it.

    Ever since Sparky Mullins sharpened a third gen 40 gig into a shive and stuck me during my last stretch in Marion.

  13. ninja says:

    lucky 14 – I want my laser cannon on a shark…..

  14. jimothy says:

    “Judging from the description of Apple fans’ reactions, viewing the true video iPod will be a combination of Christ’s return and porn.”

    Both of which, incidentally, you’ll be able to view on the true video iPod.

    Or iPod video true, as Apple will call it.

  15. Switcher says:

    Hum… Pie.

  16. Mpls Guy says:

    I like to see the websites that people have listed by clicking on thier name. It would help if people would update thier blogs…ie….bored bode and stuck streetrabbit.

    Buh-bye

  17. yonatr0n says:

    I am the one true video iPod. There is no Pod but me. Fear me, and stuff..

  18. Will one be able to view Crickeet matches on the real video iPod? That would save me continually checking the CARS web site for updates.

  19. Huh? says:

    Well, I usually use my pants to smite my enemies.
    But having a laser cannon to do it… That’s insanely great!

    moo

  20. I would be proud to partake of your Pecan Pieeeeeeeeeee

  21. Ming, the Merciless, says:

    And Popeye’s speech will be understandable.

  22. The Time of the Lawgiver?

    …Pearl, is that you?!?

  23. Crud says:

    will new ipod work with os 7.6?

  24. Jon says:

    The One True Video iPod will also be cubical.

    That Ive is a genius.

  25. Del says:

    I can’t wait for the release of the Apple iPod with Apple iPie.

    Now I’m hungry. Luckily there is lots of Cheez Whiz around.

  26. Jonathan Ivy says:

    I will design a pie that you can thaw in your pants, ward off UFOs and make Steve Ballmer jealous all in one fell swoop.

    At least, it could last time I tried to do a fell swoop. But swooping can be quite tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing.

    Later on lets get some coffe and pie, y’know and talk and stuff..

  27. g0rdo says:

    29th and i suk at comments

    bitches

  28. rubberchicken says:

    I am tired of rumour sites predicting products like an ibook for example for 9 months and then after new product comes out saying “As we predicted new iBooks are here” shit, I predict ford will change its models next year. Damn i am good.

  29. bubbly says:

    can we get icons like on spymac???

  30. jobo da hobo says:

    I don’t think that you appreciate the severity of the situation. Sure, the true video ipod won’t come out this year, perhaps not next year either, but whenn it does, we all must prepare for untold doom. No consumer should be able to wield the power and convenience afforded y the true video ipod.

    It must be destroyed.

    When the time comes, We must return it to the funaces of Cupernito which Ives sits nexts to on a rocking chair crumpling up drawings of various rectangles, back into the fires wence it came!

  31. Streetrabbit says:

    Mpls Guy is right. I’m such a loser.

  32. a longtime reader says:

    jobo da hobo:

    when
    by
    furnaces
    Cupertino
    whence

    osx has a built in spell checker, you know…

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