10 Apr 06Apple To Offer Other OS Choices.

After last week’s blockbuster announcement that Apple would support dual-booting of Intel-based Macs into Windows, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that the company does not intend to stop there.

According to sources, Apple’s new policy will be that Mac owners are free to use whatever sucky-assed operating system they feel like, including:

  • Windows
  • Linux
  • OS 9
  • Be
  • OS 2
  • DOS
  • Whatever they use to run voting machines*
  • The Slavi OS, an operating system themed after popular Bulgarian entertainer Slavi.
  • He’s sort of like a Bulgarian Ed Sullivan.

In fact, the only operating system the company won’t allow users to run is the AmigaOS because it’s so fricking boss.

“Pardon the pun,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, “but if you want to poke yourself in the eye with a sharp stick, it’s no skin off my apple.”

Some believe that Apple is simply supremely confident that its OS is so superior that users will quickly learn who is, in fact, their daddy.

“Apple provides the best user environment available,” said Senior Vice President of Software Engineering Bertrand Serlet. “There’s really no reason to use anything else.

“But if you want to run Windows CE on your Mac mini and rub broken glass in your eyes and shove ticks in your ears while putting chili oil in that paper cut…

“Hey, knock yourself out.”

* Turns out that’s Windows again.

No Responses to “Apple To Offer Other OS Choices.”

  1. Nxxx says:

    Bow down, you unworthy minions. Today is a day of great import.
    He returns to instruct and incite us untermenschen to wondrous things.
    In the glorious words of St. Paul and St. John, “Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.”

  2. comacnut says:

    hola,

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    Deuce

  4. Nxxx says:

    Having read the First Post Back, it is crap. This is not a rumour, it is truth.
    Take a holiday Moltz.

  5. Ozi says:

    fünf, as ze germans say.

  6. Ace Deuce says:

    And what about COBOL, FORTRAN and OLLIE? It’s about time we got to install puppet operating systems on our Macs.

    Welcome back, CARS staff. We missed you.

  7. Simon "Chucklehead" Simpleton says:

    Don’t be a dunderhead. Cobol and Fortran are not OSs, they are languages. Not sure about Ollie or Slavi.

    Top teen!

  8. Holger says:

    I missed TOS (Tramiel Operating System or The Operating System (choose whatever you like) for Atari ST), really 😉

  9. aeiou(y) says:

    Windows is running the electronic voting machine thingies? Small wonder….

  10. Huh? says:

    TOS!!!! OMG!!!!!!1!!!

    umm.. I don’t get it.

    Actually that’s a lie. I still have a fully functional Atari 800 with floppy.
    So, yeah, I’m diggin the new multiboot. Seeing AtariBASIC on my Dual G5….
    Oooooooo, yeah….

    Sweet!

    Oh, what does it mean when your pants deny you three times?

    moo

  11. Adam says:

    What about the OS that runs the TI-83 Plus?

  12. APPLE fan says:

    DAMN!!!11one!lemon!!!!11

    why does this HAVE TO HAPPEN THE DAY AFTER I THROW OUT MY WINDOWZ 2.1 Discs!

  13. Bandar the Invinsible says:

    Can a viscount play with his Solaris too?

  14. Typo says:

    I think you’re onto something with the TI-83 Plus. I could definately use the Mac’s power when playing Drug Cartel and Tetris Attack.

  15. Evil Monkey says:

    It’s OS/2 not OS 2 or OS two or OS too.

    If you not l33t enough to have used Merlin then stop demonstrating the fact.

    Oh, and there was never a Windows 2.1. N00b.

    Unless Mac can run my l33t hax0r OS, I won’t buy one.

  16. Slowpoke says:

    +digg

  17. Nxxx says:

    John,
    I’ve had three first posts this year, I claim the prize.

  18. pron connaiseur says:

    But what about Movie OS? Or Plan 9? Or FreeBSD and NetBSD? Zeta? Haiku? Amiga OS 4? GEOS? Apple-DOS? Novell DOS?

    Damn slim information on this page. 🙁

  19. Switcher says:

    What about QNX-RTOS, MorphOS, RiscOS, PalmOS, QL-DOS ?

  20. Mpls Guy says:

    Damn, I was hoping for rumors about Mr. Moltz and half naked drunk spring break encounters. What did you do for that week? Crap!

  21. Ergo says:

    What did moltz do for the week? He played the whore with MacWorld!

    You should see him lying there, naked amid a tangle of sheets, tawdry make up smeared off on the pillow, and $13.75 on the nightstand next to the empty whisky bottle.

    Whore!

    No wait, that was my exwife.
    Sorry, John.

  22. Tom says:

    You get different OSs?

    What’s an OS?

  23. 2000guitars says:

    How about sliding down a razor blade into a pool of alcohol? You missed that one…

  24. blank says:

    In other news, Apple engineers are also porting ProDOS 8 and GS/OS to Intel. “Apple II Forever” may turn out not to be an empty promise after all.

    Next up: Porting the Newton OS to run on WinCE devices…

  25. gjw says:

    The worst thing about BeOS was Be. The OS itself had a great deal of (ultimately unrealized) potential, and the API was nearly as nice as Cocoa despite the weaknesses of C++.

  26. hondophred says:

    what about Microware OS/9 the one true OS 9?

  27. Sudo Nym says:

    I don’t think Phil Schiller even knows what a pun is.

    Which is really surprising. He seems like a well-educated fellow.

  28. Sudo Nym says:

    Oh, and “chili oil in that paper cut” — that ZESTY!

  29. They call him Ernie says:

    I think there should now be Apple sanctioned fabric covers for Macs. With Windows ME thrashing the processor with Elf Bowl 2000 on my beige velor MacBook – ah the great smell of warm nylon – I’d be in hog heaven. Then I could crank up the bluegrass, turn down the gas lighting and mate with a close family member. Dang those Vesta machines are rale purdy!

  30. Garp Grogan says:

    The Tramiel Operating System…wasn’t that the one that threw things at you at random intervals and every third day threatened to quit and never turn on again? I might be mistaken on that…

  31. g0rdo says:

    31st ohhhhhhhh yeaah

    bitchez

  32. iBode says:

    How about what the cashiers run down at my local McDonald’s?

  33. I still don’t see A/UX! I am VERY displeased (about my fish tank’s water).

    I thought I was dreaming a beautiful CARS dream of weird, food-like storage systems, and then I followed a link in a weird wired article. weird wired article. weird wired article. damn, I like to type that. weird wired article…

    http://dynamism.com/sushidisk/pricing.shtml

    This is not a test.
    😮

  34. Bandar the Invinsible is right, Solaris 10 x86 should work like a charm on the new Mac/Intel arch. I don’t see why not.

    Specifically, I waiting for the following OSes to be supported: Babbage’s difference engine, IRIX 6.5.x, DEC RT-11, Konrad Zuse’s Z4 OS, UNIVAC RTB (Real Time BASIC on tubes for that warmer sound, dude!), UNIX Time Sharing First Edition V1, Manchester Mark II and Newton OS (how’d we miss that?)!

  35. El Capitano Corelli says:

    CP/M. We need CP/M.

    It’s kind of like Unix, except without the good bit.

  36. LimeyBloke, in an English accent says:

    So your voting machines run Windows . . .

    Wasn’t there a largish anti-monopoly law case that was won and then got dropped by the Bush administration just after their highly spurious election that had something to do with Windows . . .

    As I have said before , to allow the election of a brain-dead cowboy after the fraudulent intervention of his cousin once could be considered careless.

    To actually elect him a second time just confirms everyone elses view of the average American intellect.

    Simplistic translation for the Bible Belt and Midwesteners in general ; Shit, you’re dumb!

    PS Finally a posting! Now I can get really arsey and everything!

  37. Well Greaved Achean says:

    Saying “. . . just confirms everyone elses view of the average American intellect” confirms my view of the British educational system.

    I’ll leave it as an exercise for the student to find the punctuation error in LimeyBloke’s statement above.

    Also, you may want to look up the meaning of the word “spurious”.

    And who’s “his cousin”? If I can penetrate your opaque writing, you may be referring to his brother.

    S**t, you’re dumb.

  38. I almost cried when Dawn came back with the stupid pen set!

  39. LimeyBloke, in an English accent says:

    Aaah, sorry I thought he was his cousin.
    So what you’re saying is that he has an even more obvious and close familial link and therefore more reason to take vested interest in G.W’s victory. . . Hmmmm. . .

    It’s spelt SHIT you’re dumb. No asterisks. You may have noticed that as a lighthearted, somewhat informal internet site punctuation is not particularly accurate from most posters regardless of nationality. Moltz has no problem with the odd invective though.

    BTW in Wikipedia, under the word spurious, it says “Bush Administration’s justifications for war” See also “America’s justification for supporting Irish terrorism for years”.

    I’m glad I got a bite after all that time waiting for the posting. A bit of Bush bashing always does it. And we all like a bit of bush bashing! Well, all the guys. All the straight ones. That aren’t celibate. Hmmmm, I seem to have ended up with a single-intendre.

    PS can I have spectrum 128K booting please so I can make use of my obsolete walkman and all these data cassettes?

  40. Jerry Taylor says:

    Please remove your software immediately before I report it to government officials!! I am the City Manager of Tuttle, Oklahoma. Get this boot camp off my Mac. I am computer literate! I have 22 years in computer systems engineering and operation. Now, can you tell me how to remove ‘your software’ that you acknowledge you provided free of charge? I consider this ‘hacking’.

    Unless this software is removed I will file a complaint with the FBI.

  41. Vakantie says:

    Hi, I liked visiting your blog. Cheerio. 🙂 Marian from Holland

  42. Web says:

    I appreciate your blog. 😉

  43. Web says:

    Excellent homer! 😉

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