16 May 06Apple Releases MacBook Non-Pro Edition.

After weeks of random speculation that the company would do so, Apple released the MacBook Amateur today. Reminiscent of the “Good, Better, Best” product differentiation strategy of the early 2000s, the MacBook Beginner comes in white and black varieties that are labelled “Good”, “Also Good” and “EVIL”.

Purchasers of “Evil” are warned, however, that their MacBook Junior will eventually attempt to shove them down the stairs in a wheelchair while screaming something awfully dirty about Jesus.

According to Apple, the MacBook For Dummies sports either a 1.83 GHz or 2.0 GHz Intel Core Duo processor and, when licked, tastes vaguely like Tang.

Some Apple watchers expressed concern that the MacBook No You Guys Go Ahead, I’ll Just Watch For A Little While is priced higher than the iBook it replaces, but Apple executives felt this was justified.

“This is a great starter MacBook for those who aren’t ready yet for a MacBook Pro,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Product Marketing Phil Schiller. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked by some fresh-faced youngster ‘Gee, Mr. Schiller, I’d kinda like to sorta use a MacBook Pro, but golly gee willikers, I ain’t a pro at nothin’!’

“Ha-ha! Ha! Ahhh… Well… once, actually. I was asked that once. And my security detail quickly whisked him away. But the point is that many users would look at the PowerBook and the iBook and go ‘Hunnnnnh?’ Just like that. ‘Hunnnnnh?’ It was impossible to tell which one was for the professional and which one was for the layman. Other than the pricing. And all the marketing materials. Other than that, completely impossible.

“I suppose you could have asked someone. Like a Genius or a salesperson.

“But that’s it.”

The MacBook I’ll Just Have A Salad With Dressing On The Side goes on sale today.

No Responses to “Apple Releases MacBook Non-Pro Edition.”

  1. Zeb says:

    First!!!

  2. Leroy says:

    Once you go black, ya never go…

  3. GingerSex says:

    tooth, too busy reading to get first

  4. Holger says:

    4th – that suxx, after all the suxxess lately

  5. Nxxx says:

    Always knew that Steve had an artistic soul. Hurtling down the stairs in a wheelchair in a reference to ‘Battleship Potemkin’, is THE way to go.

  6. Huh? says:

    I’m just going to wait for the MacBook Pants™ to come out…

    Sure, the MacBook EVIL is great and everything, but it won’t interface with my iFlame.

    moo

  7. Ace Deuce says:

    Seventh, with training wheels.

  8. Ergo says:

    Besides the color, what is the difference between the two upper models.?

    Are we really being charged 200 extra for black? Is evil is so great a demand?

    Men love darkness, for their macbooks are evil.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Actally, Dean Kamen’s MacBook tried that, but then his wheel chair just climbed back up the stairs and whupped it good.

  10. Werner Waimarana says:

    Setting up for… (rhymes with malevolent – kind of)

  11. GordonC says:

    yippee I’m an elevolant!

    Trump!

  12. Typo says:

    Yeah, it only takes an extra $50 to get the white MacBook up to par with the black one. Seems a bit unfair to pay $150 for the color. I’d probably just get the whi…I mean…it’s just…black…shiny…sinister-looking…so good…I’ll take ten! The black one!

  13. Streetrabbit says:

    Hrrmmmfff! What’s so evil about black? I’ve got a black IBM T43, Intel Pentium M, 1.86GHz, Windows XP Pro SP2…What’s so evil about that?

  14. Tom says:

    They had the (very) good grace to admit it, though:

    “According to some Apple sources, the iBook is not a defunct product line as some have suggested….instead, it will eventually take over the low end laptop market starting as low as $799 with Core Solo processors and a 12-inch 4:3 display; details to follow! It does bear mentioning that there are several alternate theories about the future of the “iBook” brand that span a broad range, so for the time being we are taking all rumors on that front with a grain of salt….”

    Good sports.

  15. Tom says:

    Although imagine if CARS wrote like this.

    MacBook released. Jokes to follow!

  16. Moses says:

    Streetrabbit: The Windows XP Baby-steps part

  17. MCJE says:

    It was just such a kick in the head to go to the Apple Store and see the iBook and PowerBook gone. Now there’s only one PowerPC Mac left: the Power Mac G5. And look how they stuck it in the corner. It’s like they’re ashamed of it.

  18. UhhhDude says:

    I, for one, am glad to see a glossy screen on the MacBook Are You Gonna Finish Those Fries? Because I’m a really big fan of screen glare. And LCDs have no glare, which just doesn’t work for me.

    I also heard that the MacBook Evil Exorcist CTHULU Edition comes pre-loaded with The Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir’s Greatest Hits. Sweet!

  19. Del says:

    Oooohhhh Glossy…. Almost as good as Shiny.

  20. CTHULHU says:

    BANAL EVERYDAY EVIL DOES NOT MERIT A SURCHARGE! UNSPEAKABLE HORROR, ON THE OTHER TENTACLE, IS ALWAYS WORTH SOME EXTRA SCRATCH!!

    BY THE WAY, MY SIGNATURE EDITION WILL BE REDOLENT WITH THE RICH AROMA OF EVIL GOAT!!! IT WILL ALSO HAVE A MUCH MORE CAPABLE VIDEO PROCESSOR!!!!! WHILE EVIL IN ITS OWN RIGHT, THE PUNY “Intel GMA 950 graphics processor with 64MB of DDR2 SDRAM shared with main memory” IS NOT UP TO THE TASK OF RENDERING THE TRULY UNSPEAKABLE!!!!!!!

  21. Step says:

    Once again I must request the nose-spray warning be displayed prominently on all days when posts are likely to result in my fine drink of coke, milk, or what-have-you being interrupted by a drenching of my poor screen.

    That’s why I read CARS on my work dell laptop instead of my home Mac Mini…

  22. CTHULHU says:

    IT SHOULD ALSO BE MENTIONED THAT THE SCREEN WILL BE NEITHER GLOSSY NOR SHINY, BUT RATHER WILL OOZE A PUTRID SLIME-LIKE ICHOR!

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    I think I’ll wait for the model with the sparkley screen: pop-rocks for the eye.

  24. Nxxx says:

    Step,
    You read on your home Mac Mini!

    Bloody fiddle, had to buy an LCD screen for mine,

  25. Buthidae says:

    I’m not ashamed to say that I’m going to cry when the final PowerPC Macintosh is removed from sale.

    Oh. Wait. Yes, I am, actually.

    Fuck you all – STOP LOOKING AT ME!

    I also got 25th. Suck it up.

  26. ¡ÚFM¥é¥¸¥ª¡¦¥Ç¥£¥ì¥¯¥¿¡¼¤Î¤ª¤¹¤¹¤á¡Û¤Ã¤Æ¤æ¤¦¤«¡¢¤Û¤·¤¤¤Ç¤¹¡£MacBook …

    ¤Ä¤¤¤Ë½Ð¤Þ¤·¤¿¡ªMacBook

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  27. Peter says:

    Actually, I always wondered about “MacBook Pro.” Shouldn’t there be a “MacBook Am”–for Amateur?

    How about a MacBook Pro/Am, for those people who think they have talent but don’t?

  28. monkeys says:

    I’m waiting for My First MacBook™ to come out.

  29. Walking Contradiction says:

    Hey, they stole my patented name idea – MacBook Amateur! LAWSUIT!! LAWSUIT!!

    What happens when I get a MacBook Amateur in Evil and remove those 4 screws that are supposedly holding the universe together? Would I unleash unspeakable evil upon the whole of existence?

    Sweet.

  30. Free says:

    Horny cam girls, free live video chat…

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