06 Jun 06Apple Closes Indian Facility.

Reversing a controversial decision, Apple announced that it is closing its recently opened Indian call center, stating that it did not know Indians “speak like foreigners.”

“Our bad,” admitted Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook.

Cook explained that he and several other executives had rented several Indian movies in preparation to make the decision earlier this year. However, they erroneously rented movies that had originally been in Hindi and then dubbed by American voice artists.

“I noticed their lips were moving separately from the words coming out of their mouths,” Cook said, “but I didn’t think that would be an issue in a telephone call center.”

Cook denied that Apple CEO Steve Jobs made the decision based on concerns that Indian workers were becoming overpriced, as was reported in the Times of India.

“No. No.” Cook said slowly. “Noooo, we just… didn’t know they talked so funny. Eeeyup.

“Even Steve. Which is weird because he spent a bunch of time in India.”

Cook and Apple’s PR department refused to confirm whether or not Jobs was hopped up on goofballs during the whole trip which came shortly after he was fired from Apple by John Sculley.

Apple’s erstwhile Indian employees took the news of their sudden unemployment hard.

“This is most horrible,” said Balram Vindu, a call center technician. “Now I’ll have to go back to working fast food.”

Vindu shuddered.

“I’m not sure I can go back to a job where my biggest input is asking ‘Do you want naan with that?'”

Apple is reportedly currently looking into transfering the center to Bulgaria or Turkey.

“They speak good English in Turkey, right?” Cook asked.

“Right?”

No Responses to “Apple Closes Indian Facility.”

  1. Steve says:

    Could I really be the first. I wasn’t interested but now that I have a chance. . .

  2. fatbo says:

    2nd, bitches!

  3. MCJE says:

    So what happens when the Indians need tech support?

  4. Nxxx says:

    Must apologise. It is thought that one of the reasons for the Indian form of English, is the number of Welshman in the British Army during the Raj.
    Why not move the centre to Wales as I’ve been practising “Have you tried re-booting?” in Brythonic Celtic.

  5. Randal says:

    It is spelled “naan.” And yes, I want naan with that.

  6. 2000guitars says:

    They have good turkey in England. Right?

    Right?

  7. I am hoping they will come to my humble country of Bhutan, where surely the joy and happiness they bring to all will be payment enough, without need for tawdry financial considerations.

  8. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN!
    NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN!
    NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN!
    NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN! NAAN!

  9. Mpls Guy says:

    Could it be, could it be, 11 for me!

  10. A Priest, A Rabbi, and Juan Valdez says:

    Is it just me, the mescaline, or would Elbonia be the appropriate choice?

  11. Cleetus, the slack-jawed yokel says:

    They could move the call center to Alabama or Mississippi. It’s dirt-poor down there, just like a Third World country!

    (Although they don’t speak English as well as in India….)

  12. NWJR says:

    I rented a bunch of Indian movies, too, and John Wayne KICKED THEIR ASSES!

    Oh, wait…

    never mind.

  13. Buthidae says:

    15th!

    #4: Indians don’t need tech support. They are born technologically omnipotent, although in many cases they haven’t actually got the technology to apply it to.

    Fuck, can they ever hold on to trains though!

  14. The Highly Esteemed YoYo says:

    This is weird because they currently don’t speak ‘good english’, for example what is ‘the innerneh’?

  15. Ace Deuce says:

    My vote is for locating it in a rumpled topography, like Appalachia or Transylvania. They could answer the phone “Apple Appalacia, how may I help you?” or “I vant to drink your bl– eh, may I help you?”

  16. blank says:

    I hear they have good turkey in England.

    Thanks, I’ll be here all week. Try the garlic naan and be sure to tip your servers gererously.

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  18. Ahnyer Keester says:

    They could open one in Canadia. They don’t talk funny till they say “out” or “about”. Unless they’re French Canadian then I can understand a damn thing they say. But those people are confused any way; are they French or Canadian? European or North American?

  19. one worlder says:

    this edition of cars is racist, nearly,almost,bordering on,

  20. Step says:

    heh. goofballs. I have one. I got it in a Shady Dark Alley, back when I was young. I haven’t used it yet though – I’ve heard stories, man…

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