Apple Closes Indian Facility.

Reversing a controversial decision, Apple announced that it is closing its recently opened Indian call center, stating that it did not know Indians “speak like foreigners.”

“Our bad,” admitted Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook.

Cook explained that he and several other executives had rented several Indian movies in preparation to make the decision earlier this year. However, they erroneously rented movies that had originally been in Hindi and then dubbed by American voice artists.

“I noticed their lips were moving separately from the words coming out of their mouths,” Cook said, “but I didn’t think that would be an issue in a telephone call center.”

Cook denied that Apple CEO Steve Jobs made the decision based on concerns that Indian workers were becoming overpriced, as was reported in the Times of India.

“No. No.” Cook said slowly. “Noooo, we just… didn’t know they talked so funny. Eeeyup.

“Even Steve. Which is weird because he spent a bunch of time in India.”

Cook and Apple’s PR department refused to confirm whether or not Jobs was hopped up on goofballs during the whole trip which came shortly after he was fired from Apple by John Sculley.

Apple’s erstwhile Indian employees took the news of their sudden unemployment hard.

“This is most horrible,” said Balram Vindu, a call center technician. “Now I’ll have to go back to working fast food.”

Vindu shuddered.

“I’m not sure I can go back to a job where my biggest input is asking ‘Do you want naan with that?'”

Apple is reportedly currently looking into transfering the center to Bulgaria or Turkey.

“They speak good English in Turkey, right?” Cook asked.