Employment Practices at iPod Plants Draw Criticism.

In the past several days, Apple customers have been shocked by reports that workers in the Chinese factories that create the iPod “work long hours and do not earn a lot of money.

It was but one of many “loss of innocence” moments for Apple’s doe-eyed customers.

“I dunno,” said despondent iPod owner Scott Hochman.

“Was it just a childish pipe dream to allow myself to believe that iPods were made by elves working 30-hour work weeks with full benefits in a candy-colored factory in Magic Gumdrop Land?”

Hochman sighed heavily.

“Maaaybe it was.”

Hochman was not alone in his belief that all Apple employees and employees of Apple contractors and sub-component makers spent their days skipping through a fairy tale of employment bliss. Apple customers are, as a whole, surprisingly uneducated concerning matters of economics and international commerce.

“Well…” said Apple customer Ted Kersten, “Why doesn’t Apple just pay them, like, $50 an hour instead of $50 a month? That seems fair to me.”

Apple was adamant that the more heinous charges that have been floating around the Internet are without merit.

“Steve Jobs does not ride the employees at iPod plants like they’re ponies,” said Apple spokesperson Cynthia Mclaren. “That’s purely a domestic policy.”

34 thoughts on “Employment Practices at iPod Plants Draw Criticism.”

  1. > Apple’s doe-eyed customers

    Should that not be “dough-eyed” in this case? (I hope that’s not just British slang! 🙂

  2. OMGWTFBBQ? You mean they’re not made by unicorns and fairies?!?!?
    Its a sad day when all your dreams are shattered. Well, at least we all know that Jobs will inevitably become our Supreme Global Overlord. (and all for the low low price of $1 a year!)

  3. At least we make the cookies that you find in the break rooms. And if you leave that old, worn-out pair of shoes under the table, next morning they’ll be good as new.

    And we’ll wax your pony too. Brazilian.

  4. I think it might be just British slang, but luckily it has been globalised by Brit gangster films…

    This is all a bit of a storm in a teacup, if the Mail (renowned for the accuracy and fairness of its journalism … not) had added a comparison to workers in other factories I suspect that iPod employees would not be any worse off (possibly better off).

    The problem with the Mail in this case is that as a Right Wing verging on drooling fascist publication it is in advocating limp wristed lefty anti-capitalism, possibly with a socialist ‘what about the workers’ bent. Also it is refreshing to hear that they care about foreigners.

    Or are they only interested in money?

  5. Is it wrong, that as long as I get cheap iPods, I don’t care how the Chinese treat thier workers?

    My happiness is a direct product of Chinese slave labor, and I don’t care!!!!

  6. Waxed Ponies are how they make horse hair sofa’s.

    Though Steve doesn’t ride the Waxed Ponies naked after that hot day last August when he stuck to the pony’s skin.

  7. Hey Huh?, you forgot to ™ your Pants™ in your first post. The pony got to you…for shame.

  8. Yes, I am upset with them. First they put THEMSELVES on the DL, then they’re out all day and night partying…
    Gettin’ some of that warm apple pie.
    Some recovery…
    If they’re not back soon, I’m gonna have to go and pull a new pair up from the minor leagues.

    Pizza stain my ass…..

    Pffft….

    Well, I should know by tonight if they’ll be released, or not.

    moo

  9. Sounds like you should get yourself summa them “stress-free” pants.

    Like the ones I’m wearing right now.

    But you can’t have these. They’re mine.

  10. I’m feeling so freakin’ guilty. In return, I’ll listen to my iPod with the sound turned down.

  11. Great news everybody!
    Ladies, gentlemen, and ponies, I would like to announce that Huh?’s Pants™ are off the DL, and back in the starting line-up.
    I would also like to add, Shorts™ are NOT going to be taken off the starting roster.
    They will both be kept around, as each have strengths the other does not.
    Huh? says “I think this will benefit everybody, and only serve to help the team.”
    When Shorts™ was asked about sharing starting responsibilities, he said “We gotta play ’em one day at a time, and I’m just happy to be here and hope I can help the ballclub.”

    moo

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