13 Jul 06Apple Gives Up On Searching For Leaker.

Apple announced today that it has discontinued its search for the person responsible for the leak of confidential information related to the project code named “Asteroid.” Published reports of the leak had prompted the company to sue AppleInsider and O’Grady’s PowerPage, suits it has decided not to pursue any further.

Sources at Apple indicate the decision was made after it was realized that no one could remember what “Asteroid” really was and what it was that had been leaked.

“Phil? Do you remember?” a visibly confused CEO Steve Jobs asked Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.

“Whoo,” Schiller said. “Sheesh. Kinda puttin’ me on the spot here, Steve!”

Pursing his lips, shifting his weigh from one foot to another and crossing and uncrossing his arms, Schiller looked pensive for several moments.

“Nope. I’m drawing a blank. I got nothin’.”

“Me, too,” Jobs said. “Kind of embarrassing! Ha-ha! Boy, I really made a big fuss over this. You’d think I could remember what it was all about…”

“Didn’t it have something to do with iLife?” Chief Operating Office Tim Cook chimed in.

This suggestion however only prompted more blank stares and heavy sighs.

“Mmm, maybe not,” Cook said.

“Was it a tablet device?” asked CFO Peter Oppenheimer.

Jobs, Schiller and Cook squinted at him quizzically.

“No,” Oppenheimer said. “No… er…”

“Wasn’t it sort of a thing that connected to other things and had some kind of other connection for this one special thing?” head of Mac hardware engineering Peter Mehring offered.

“I remember it was white,” Chief Designer Jonathan Ive said, prompting nods from everyone.




After another prolonged silence, Jobs said “What the heck was that thing?!”

Whatever the device was, Apple insists that it was all worthwhile.

No Responses to “Apple Gives Up On Searching For Leaker.”

  1. Magnanimous Wang says:

    I remember what it was! The XLR audio adaptor for garageband.

    PS close to first

  2. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Ha, first in fact, and I even read the article.

  3. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Third; I’m really enjoying this. The novelty!

  4. monkeys says:




  5. blank says:

    It could have been black as easily as white. Look at iPods and MacBooks. So cut Jon a little slack, willya?

  6. hondophred says:

    woo hoo! top ten

  7. michael says:

    There’s a posting already? Man this is early.

  8. stridey says:

    gr8t. I miss first, number nine (number nine number nine) and elevenseees.

  9. cb says:

    11 rules

  10. cb says:

    first post is the last post… if you read from the bottom up….

    Go figure…..


  11. cb says:

    time for everyone to listen to “Star, Star”… a Stone’s thing…..

    and then after that…..

  12. Ahnyer Keester says:

    So since no one can remember what it actually was does that mean that whatever the rumor sites said is pretty much true? I mean who is going prove them wrong?

    Anyone remember what the rumor sites said Asteroid was? No? Moltz? Anyone?

  13. Ace Deuce says:

    Asteroid was a really pared down arcade game where you would shoot at a rock in space. That’s it. Just one. In fact, when you succeeded in hitting the rock, instead of breaking into smaller pieces, it simply shrank in size until it disappeared entirely. I was a beta tester, and I must say it was a boring game. Not Apple’s best work. At least they killed it before others could disparage it, or it could have been Apple’s “Microsoft Bob.”

  14. UhhhDude says:

    Rubenstein had a copy of Asteroid in his pocket when he was encased in carbonite.

    Trouble is, nobody wants to thaw him out because he’s actally more entertaining in his present state.

  15. Nxxx says:

    What’s this? Publishing during the European night? This is your Vietnam John. And no toothbrush either.

    Apologies for yesterday’s oopsy, Stonehenge is four and a half THOUSAND years old.

  16. Huh? says:

    Well, all I know, is now that Apple has stopped searching, my Pants™ can rest easy.
    No more looking over your shoulder. Waiting for…



  17. His Steveness says:

    …..when I think about it: The Ponies have leaked it, they must have leaked it, Hm, Pony Salami…

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    Asteroid was all to do with Apple’s deceitful claims that it had found evidence of extraterrestial life in an asteroid buried in the Arctic ice shelf.

    In the novel “Deception Point” Dan Brown described how an Apple Black Ops squad, heading by Steve himeself, systematically executed the scientists investigating the bogus discovery.

    Apple were on the brink of suing Brown just as the zillions from “The Da Vinci Code” started rolling in and realising it would have it’s ass whipped, abandoned the suit.

    True story. To this day no-one has any clue as to what benefit this deception may have brought to Apple. Most analysts view it as the actions of the deranged and certifiable insane…if a company could be declared insane that is.

    p.s. I haven’t read any Dan Brown….

    p.p.s. Think of all the people googling for Dan Brown stuff and ending up here….mwhaha.

  19. OMGHAX says:

    It missed Earth by 432,709km, a relatively small distance in cosmic terms. I think it was 2004 XP14.

  20. hp says:

    I miss Earth too, sometimes.

    What the hell, CARS is the next best thing.

  21. jimothy says:

    I know what Asteroid is, but if I told you, Apple would have my ISP records subpoenaed. Again.

    Bring it on, Apple. You think you can us my toothbrush, bitch?

  22. scared monster says:

    I have ALL the plan of Asteroid.
    I sell them.

    Very expensive.

    My wife, you know, she…kinda…has expensive tastes…and…

    Well, just to say…if you are interested…

    Not by my wife, I mean, er…

    oh, cut it out.

  23. John Gage says:

    Mr. Scared Monster,

    How much for your wife?

  24. Del says:


    Well, all I know, is now that Apple has stopped searching, my Pants™

    I believe you meant “Well, all I know, is now that Apple has stopped searching my Pants™ …”

    That extra comma screws it up.

  25. Gag Halfrunt says:

    [quote]It missed Earth by 432,709km, a relatively small distance in cosmic terms. I think it was 2004 XP14.[/quote]
    I knew it! Gates’ vile hands are EVERYWHERE!

  26. NWJR says:

    All your Asteroid belong to Apple.

  27. Huh? says:

    I didn’t want to provide THAT much information.

    Besides, I kinda started enjoying it.


  28. dkjfeoi says:

    it’s very good!

  29. lisa80 says:

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    and http://www.heyjokes.com

    have a nice day with you