Just hours after news hit the Macintosh community that Apple would be adding the ability to rent movies through the anachronistically named iTunes Music Store, hackers in Finland announced today that they have hacked the DRM that causes the rental to expire.
This is a particularly astounding feat as Apple has not even announced the feature, let alone released the actual DRM system that would make it happen.
Speaking through an interpreter, Finnish hacker MaxHax0r said “It was a simple matter of listing all the possible crappy-assed DRM schemes you can think of. Then you toss out the crappiest-assed ones as those are going to be in Microsoft’s new online video rental service and taking the next crappiest one. Then we stayed up all night working on cracking it.
“I mean… it’s Finland in the summer. I can’t tell day from night right now anyway.”
While refusing to confirm that movie rentals were in fact coming to the iTunes Music Store, an exasperated Steve Jobs chastised the hackers.
“You’re the reason we can’t have nice things!” Jobs said, angrily pointing in the general direction of Finland.
“You know, I go to a lot of trouble to make something nice for you and you just try to get more. I would love to deliver you a magical movie download service where you could burn all the copies for your friends you want and edit out the stupid endings – like in the Abyss – and put in your own way cool endings – like with a car chase and a nude scene with Salma Hayek – but it just… isn’t… possible.
“These movie people are really unreasonable. They wouldn’t even talk about my idea about how Capote would have been better with a giant robot with huge lobster claw hands that cut freight trains open like tin cans, and rocket launchers in its eyes and rotating saw blades for teeth.
“And it would have really… big… big…
Cupping his hands in front of his chest, Jobs said “…tits.”
Pausing, Jobs sighed heavily.
“I have vision. Why can’t these movie people see that?”
For his part, MaxHax0r was unconcerned about Jobs’ opinion, stating something in Finnish about Jobs that, when translated literally, comes out to “That female cur believes she can avail herself of my teeth cleaning device.”