18 Jul 06Hackers Crack Apple Movie Rental Scheme.

Just hours after news hit the Macintosh community that Apple would be adding the ability to rent movies through the anachronistically named iTunes Music Store, hackers in Finland announced today that they have hacked the DRM that causes the rental to expire.

This is a particularly astounding feat as Apple has not even announced the feature, let alone released the actual DRM system that would make it happen.

Speaking through an interpreter, Finnish hacker MaxHax0r said “It was a simple matter of listing all the possible crappy-assed DRM schemes you can think of. Then you toss out the crappiest-assed ones as those are going to be in Microsoft’s new online video rental service and taking the next crappiest one. Then we stayed up all night working on cracking it.

“I mean… it’s Finland in the summer. I can’t tell day from night right now anyway.”

While refusing to confirm that movie rentals were in fact coming to the iTunes Music Store, an exasperated Steve Jobs chastised the hackers.

“You’re the reason we can’t have nice things!” Jobs said, angrily pointing in the general direction of Finland.

“You know, I go to a lot of trouble to make something nice for you and you just try to get more. I would love to deliver you a magical movie download service where you could burn all the copies for your friends you want and edit out the stupid endings – like in the Abyss – and put in your own way cool endings – like with a car chase and a nude scene with Salma Hayek – but it just… isn’t… possible.

“These movie people are really unreasonable. They wouldn’t even talk about my idea about how Capote would have been better with a giant robot with huge lobster claw hands that cut freight trains open like tin cans, and rocket launchers in its eyes and rotating saw blades for teeth.

“And it would have really… big… big…

Cupping his hands in front of his chest, Jobs said “…tits.”

Pausing, Jobs sighed heavily.

“I have vision. Why can’t these movie people see that?”

For his part, MaxHax0r was unconcerned about Jobs’ opinion, stating something in Finnish about Jobs that, when translated literally, comes out to “That female cur believes she can avail herself of my teeth cleaning device.”

37 Responses to “Hackers Crack Apple Movie Rental Scheme.”

  1. Nxxx says:

    First!!!! Well in blockquotes antway.

  2. silta says:

    first again?

    silta

  3. Nxxx says:

    And first not in blockquotes.

  4. Ace Deuce says:

    That witch thinks she can choose my truth gush.

  5. Groucho says:

    I have broken the DRM on the CARS posts. I can now read posts which go back months or even years – no more having to make repeat puchases for me! 😕

  6. HisSteveness says:

    My ponies could have cracked that ridiculous DRM!

  7. OMGHAX says:

    I cracked yo momma’s DRM!

  8. Krabappel's son says:

    damn, those finnish hackers are bored.

  9. Eleven says:

    Thank you.

    I want nice things!!!

  10. tdskate says:

    AND WHAT THE F IS DRM ???

  11. hb says:

    All hail the power and supremacy of the ant way!

  12. Mandrake says:

    It’s the ant way or the pant way, buddy!

  13. UhhhDude says:

    I would have been first post, but I blacked out upon reading the words “nude scene with Salma Hayek.” I’ve been out for hours and I’m just now waking up.

    Mmmmmm…nude scene with Salma Hayek…

    (falls limply to floor)

  14. Gag Halfrunt says:

    I DRM’d your crack.

  15. Ventzi says:

    18th

    DRM means ‘Dollar Reallocation Machine’ – built by the Music Industry to make sure that all dollars end in their pockets…

    meow

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    A lazy lap dancer from Lapland
    Would occasionally mate with a hatstand
    Thinking “He’s a bit thinnish.”
    She quickly did Finnish
    ..a German a Dutch and an Afghan.

  17. A Priest, a rabbi, and a sexbot prototype says:

    “You’re the reason we can’t have nice things!”

    …well, that’s anothe keyboad denched in coffee and one of my keys doesn’t wok anymoe.

  18. Del says:

    SELMA HAYEK!?

    Sorry I’m still disturbed over the whole Unibrow that she sprouted in Frida. I know it has been like 4 years since that movie came out that Frida Kahlo was an amazingly interesting and talented person.. but that Unibrow. It still haunts me.

  19. Ass! Jobs IS the “these movie people”! Hello?? Ever hear of Pixar? I understand they have a CEO or something? Or maybe that little independant movie upstart company named “Disney” of which Jobs is a member of the board? Of?

    Man, I don’t know how you know how to get out of bed in the morning, you know?

    And what is it with Jobs and sex and robots? Sexbots and all. Is he unable to relate to human beings on a personal level? I know I’m not.

  20. Stephen says:

    Darn Finns always going and ruining things!

  21. finn says:

    yap doo! those guys who cracked the DRM live right next door and they stole the freeking thing from ME! so what do you think how much woukd the FBI, CIA or the local police at santa barbara (?) pay me for those losers address? and hello for them in finish too: senkin runkkarit, näin käy kun pöllii toisten koodit ja pummaa pepsit! vituttaako?

  22. Ace Deuce says:

    Let’s not forget that Finns invented the log cabin, the sauna, kalamoiika, and sisu. Not to mention the Kalevala, and wife-carrying races.

    And who built the ships for the Vikings, so they could plunder their way across Europe? That’s right, the Finns.

    Oh… that ruined a few things, now that I think about it.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Dat wijfje denkt zij mijn toothbrush kan gebruiken!

    Daß Weibchen sie denkt, können meine Zahnbürste benutzen!

    Que la perra la piensa puede utilizar mi cepillo de dientes!

    Εκείνη η σκύλα σκέφτεται ότι μπορεί να χρησιμοποιήσει την οδοντόβουρτσά μου!

    Damn Babelfish doesn’t do Finnish.

  24. Sully the Finns. Any Cowad could have crack.

  25. blank says:

    That’s odd. My mom always said that my brother and I were why we couldn’t have nice things.

    Are you suggesting she was not telling the truth here? Do I have to go all Zidane on you? Do I?

    Just for that, you can’t have my shirt.

  26. That Cranky Old Guy says:

    Hey! You Finns get off my lawn!

  27. NWJR says:

    Come on…we all know that true geeks have never SEEN tits.

  28. icewelder says:

    the’re a type of bird right?

  29. What's the frequency, Kenneth? says:

    > Come on…we all know that true geeks have never SEEN tits.

    Not in real life, anyway.

  30. Daniel says:

    I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding Hackers Crack Apple Movie Rental Scheme., but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong 🙂

  31. Frida Movie says:

    Good Day, I fell lucky that I located this post while browsing for frida movie. I am with you on the topic of Hackers Crack Apple Movie Rental Scheme.. Ironically, I was just putting a lot of thought into this last Friday.

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  33. Non Muss says:

    poop. pee. wi3n3r

  34. Shitlees Turquoise says:

    Apple is retarded. They are expensive to buy from

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