20 Jul 06Why You Will Get No Love Today and Tomorrow.

Nothing today and tomorrow, Apple-istas. Please accept any or all of the following excuses:

  • A tear in the space/rumors continuum has sent all Apple rumors spewing into another dimension.
  • Today is Ryan Meader appreciation day. Oh, who am I kidding?! Every day is Ryan Meader appreciation day!
  • Wait, did I say “spewing”? I meant “splooging”.
  • Your arms are too short to box with Steve Jobs.
  • We’re just not feeling it today. I’m sorry, we’re just not. Is it you? Well, not per se. Is it your “technique”? Since when do you have a “technique”? I wouldn’t call just yanking on it a “technique.” I’m not a Model T, Gloria. You can’t just turn me on by… Oh, no, no, no, no. No, you don’t. Do not try to turn this into a thing about your clitoris. This is not about your clitoris. I’m not lis-ten-ing, Gloria! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
  • You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks so you get nothing! NOTHING!
  • Got a better offer, man. There are going to be more babes at Scott’s party. Plus, he’s springing for a keg. Sorry.
  • Only the bagel has the correct aspect ratio.

Or, if you don’t like any of these reasons, feel free to add your own in the comments.

Frankly, you can do whatever you want in there. We don’t really care.

No Responses to “Why You Will Get No Love Today and Tomorrow.”

  1. Toast says:

    Ok, fine! I’ll be the one to point out that the bagel is also a fake. The cream cheese interface layer requires a toasted bagel, but the one in the picture is obviously untoasted. Cream cheese will not properly install on an untoasted bagel so the picture must be a fake.

    Not that it matters, Mac OS X on Pumpernickel, that’s what all the cool kids will be using. When they’re not freebasing Sr388 that is…

  2. John Moltz says:

    You KNOW I love you, baby.

  3. Psyko says:

    Hehe, bagels. 🙂


  4. Psyko says:

    BTW, Toast, you are just trying to think up lame excuses because you are mad about being pushed aside for something rounder.


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