News broke on Friday that Microsoft had admitted that reports of its purported iPod killer – including details of its features – were true.
Analysts quickly determined that this admission means that the company has consequently fully admitted that it sucks and is stupid.
According to a Microsoft spokesperson, the device is, in fact, called “the Zune”, which is apparently a play on the word “tune” and some other unidentified word that starts with “z”.
“While all will bow before Zod,” technology columnist Glenn Fleishman said, “I don’t think the Zune is going to be as fearsome.
“Partially because the name blows.”
Other analysts noted that the technological “features” of the Zune – a subscription-based download service and the ability to transfer songs to other subscribers wirelessly – were distinctly “less than Zod.”
“People just love the subscription model,” Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell said snidely.
“Oh, please, recording industry. I’ve already bought ‘Rubber Soul’ on vinyl, tape and CD. Now make me pay for it every day!”
Snell went on to point out that there was no better way to get the best out of a wireless network than to try transferring a 20 GB music collection over it.
“And I’m sure everyone will now start calling podcasts zunecasts,” Snell said, moving his fist up and down above his lap and rolling his eyes.
While Microsoft did not say in so many words that it sucks and is stupid, it did shift uncomfortably and attempt a weak smile.