Shocking news has been slowly leaking out of Apple over the last few weeks that several youngsters attending Apple Camp resorted to cannibalism after being locked into the Manhattan Village, Calif., store accidentally.
Staff members were uncertain how it happened and why the children might have resorted to cannibalism so quickly.
Responding to a mall fire drill, Apple employees fled the store and locked the glass doors behind them, unaware the children had been left behind.
“They were only in there for fifteen minutes!” said a distraught store manager Lilly Holden. “I just don’t know how you can consume a 75-pound 9-year-old in that amount of time.”
According to Holden, the 12 children had been playing at the iMacs in the back of the store the last she had seen them.
“They were working on their own GarageBand songs,” she said. “I guess I should have suspected something was already going wrong before the fire alarm when it started to sound like the Carmina Burana back there.”
Behavioral psychologist Robert Reedman said that the line between human and animal is thin and that isolation from society – no matter how brief – can often tear down the facade of civilization.
“Personally,” Reedman said, “I can’t ride up one floor in an elevator without having to ‘mark my territory’, if you know what I mean.
Adjusting his pants, Reedman added, “But that’s just the way I roll.”
CEO Steve Jobs placed a personal call to the parents of the consumed child expressing his condolences and offering them a free iPod nano.