07 Sep 06Apple To Deliver Touch Sensory Product.

MacNN and other sites report today that Apple has filed a patent for “a device with multiple touch sensing devices”.

While some hold that this is proof positive that Apple will finally deliver a touch-screen tablet device that does half of what the Newton did, Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources believe it is a foray beyond the realm of the computer world.

According to those in the know, Apple is set to take its customers to a whole new level of touch sensory experience and deliver a breakthough in viscoelastic liquids not seen since the 1940s.

“Play-Doh, Silly Putty, they’ve both gotten soft,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “That market’s ripe for someone to come in and sex it up. Kids have been pressing Silly Putty against comic strips for over fifty years. That’s boring.”

Pogue said that Apple’s superior design capabilities make the company uniquely qualified to deliver a souped-up version of the venerable wads of squishable material for play.

“I’m thinking maybe chrome and aluminum squeezable dough that records a movie when you press it against a computer or TV screen.”

Asked how that could possibly work, Pogue shrugged off the question.

“Is that my problem? That’s not my problem. That’s Apple’s problem. Why are you asking me? You should be asking them. They’re the ones with the problem.”

Sources at Apple declined to comment, but did note that Pogue recently went off his meds.

No Responses to “Apple To Deliver Touch Sensory Product.”

  1. Don says:

    Very touchy-feely John! Your getting soft in your old age!

    First!

  2. PoisedNoise says:

    Heeey cool idea though. Record a movie by pressing…. let me have a think about that… 😛

  3. arcsine says:

    Apple supplies Pogue with Meds…

    How do I get on that plan?

    Are they iMeds?

    I want iMeds!!!!

  4. croikle says:

    and the number of the beast shall be 5

  5. OMGHAX says:

    I’m pretty sure its 6.

    Mmm, Play-Doh. Yum.

  6. Huh? says:

    My G5 is already touch sensitive.
    I touch it all the time. I gently stroke it’s cool aluminum exterior. Then I slowly expose its warm, pulsing interior.
    I slowly caress the hot, throbbing heastsink and liquid cooling unit. Carefully fondling the optical drive…

    Mmmmmmm… yeah. No Play-Doh® here, baby.

    Um… I…

    I have to go now.
    No, really.

    moo (touch sensitive Pants™®)

  7. Nxxx says:

    The clue is there John.

    Touch.

    At last the

    Sexbots.

  8. Nxxx says:

    The clue is there John.

    Touch.

    At last the

    Sexbots.

  9. Huh? says:

    Wow, I broke the posts. We’re ALL number one.

    I don’t even know what I did. Sorry John.

    moo (apologetic Pants™®)

  10. yOU says:

    I hope they are releasing new add-ons for the newtons: for example an iBrush that fits the place where the stylus lives.
    Animated backlighting, a shrink utility that shrinks the newton to the size of an iPod nano when not in use. Movies: I know the newton is only 16 greys, but this can be overcome with an adaptive backlight, telephony (not much to do there), MP3 playback with a real iTunes interface and of course 100 GB PCMCIA memory cards.

    by the way: sixth first

  11. Bob the wrecker says:

    Touchâ„¢sensitive iPony, smells like undercoating!

    BTW, don’t fix anything: now Bob (timezone GMT +1) can be foist too! It kinda ads a zen-like feeling to the whole ‘who’s first’ thing. Hey, why not use a random number generator – we’ll never know how was first!

  12. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Look, I’ve eaten a fair amount of Play Doh in my (very younger) days, and I want to know what happens if I eat iDoh? What I don’t want to know is what it will have recorded during its “Fantastic Voyage” unless Rachel Welch is in there somewhere.

  13. NWJR says:

    I’d PONY up a few bucks for something like that!

    Whatever “it” is.

  14. John says:

    This is Moltz’s attempt to make us ALL feel like winners. And I like it.

  15. Joe says:

    Who’s Rachel Welch? Any relation to Racquel?

    http://www.physorg.com/news70849203.html

  16. Joe says:

    NUMBER 1 BABY!!!!

    Sorry, I just had to. Personally I think it’ll be a touch sensitive Evil Goat of Doom®

  17. UhhhDude says:

    Don’t forget the iPhone! It’s a touch-sensitive phone with a 3″ LCD screen and 3GB hard drive, with built-in iPod abilities! Yes! That’s it!

    That, or ready-to-eat iDoh in two colors, black or white. Either way.

  18. Joe says:

    I guess I should check before sending out a spelling flame. Looks like she spells it ‘raquel’. Oddly, Google lists 21,000 hits for ‘racquel’.

  19. How about a multiuser ubuntu based iToothbrush.
    “Sure, bitch, you can use my toothbrush!”

  20. John Moltz says:

    I know you were enjoying it but it bugs the crap out of me.

  21. DocWolfram says:

    So I can be 22!

    (Oh, that I were that young again!)

  22. RipRagged says:

    Isn’t this obvious? It’s an inflatable companion with programmable erogenous zones.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Dammit Joe! That link had nothing to do with Raquel Welch!

    We want pics damn you!

  24. Ace Deuce says:

    That bitch thinks she can use one of the bristles on your toothbrush. If it’s okay with you. She’ll put it back when done.

    I for one am ready for the 3D palpable interface.

  25. Joe, you so used Keester’s toothbrush!!

  26. Midnightbrewer says:

    Not to be a party-pooper, but how does this patent go beyond explaining how the iPod interface works?

  27. RipRagged says:

    Oh, pick, pick, pick.

    For $329 plus shipping and handling you’ll get Inga, a customizable BILF (Balloon I’d Like to Find) who will stream Live365, moan in the voice of Trinoids OR Zarvox, and run a network printer from her USB port.

    Anybody want to buy a used toothbrush?

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