17 Oct 06School Kids Still Using Dangerous Batteries.

Sources in the Rancho DeLano, Ariz. school district say technicians there have still not replaced recalled batteries in the 3, 00 Apple laptops used by its schools. Because of political concerns over the appearance of having laptops without batteries, district officials instructed technicians to keep the batteries in rather than pulling them and waiting for replacements.

When reached for comment, school officials defended the policy, saying kids sometimes need to learn “tough lessons” and sometimes that means exposing them to exploding batteries, but that kids are far more resilient than adults think.

“That’s why children are our greatest asset,” said superintendent Scott Madritch.

“They’re almost completely impervious to fire.

“It’s true. You can look it up.”

Coughing nervously, Madritch said “We don’t want to look bad. These laptop purchasing decisions can be highly charged. Almost as highly charged as these laptop batteries!

“Ha-ha! Ha! Ahhh…”

In lieu of actually replacing the batteries, district officials recommended:

  • Placing a Mr. Yuck sticker on the battery.
  • Asking the kids to put on a skit where a group of young toughs using explosive batteries tries to peer pressure another youth into using an explosive battery. In the end, they all learn a valuable lesson about themselves.
  • Doubling the number of fire drills and “drop and roll” exercises.
  • Counting third degree burns as “extra credit.”

One fan of the policy was technician Len Burrows.

“This saves me a lot of trouble,” Burrows said. “I wasn’t looking forward to pulling all those batteries and having to look at all those numbers to try to figure out if they were bad.

“This way I just wait for the laptops to explode. It’s easy.”

Fifteen minutes into the interview, school officials suddenly declined to comment.

No Responses to “School Kids Still Using Dangerous Batteries.”

  1. markyhi says:


  2. Huh? says:

    Mr. Yuck. Yeah, that’s just great if the kids decide to eat them…
    Pfft… No wonder public schools are in such a state.

    moo (Pants™® of higher education)

  3. markyhi says:

    And I even read the article! You know its kind of hot in AZ so the kids will probably never notice….

  4. greenacres says:

    4th! Highest ever! It’s true, my wife is a teacher and tries to set fire to the students every day, but it always goes out. She is so disappointed.

  5. Carl says:

    At least they’re not selling the laptops for cheap like that school district in Virginia. Talk about political corruption!

  6. thelairster says:


  7. Yourmedic says:

    But Mr. Yuck is Mean! And Mr. Yuck is Green!

  8. Nxxx says:

    I warned them about abandoning Leyden Jars.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Do the newer iBooks come with exploding batteries, or is that a build-to-order option?

  10. Jay in the uk says:

    topten – just

    and toast again

  11. Jay in the uk says:

    now I’ve got coffee too 🙂

  12. NWJR says:

    Damn kids should be forced make their own batteries out of coconut shells like they did on Gilligan’s Island anyway. This generation has it too soft.

  13. nameless norman says:

    nameless norman notes exploding electricals enhance everyone’s educational experience

  14. A Priest, a rabbi, and a dead prostitute says:

    primi wants a saurbraten!

  15. Joe says:

    I’d find this article much more amusing if I wasn’t working for a school district and didn’t have a few hundred batteries to look at. Many of which have that damn Mr. Yuck on them.

  16. That Cranky Old Guy says:

    Hey! You kids stop throwing those laptop batteries all over my lawn! I–


  17. Huh? says:

    Whoa, Norman. You better strech before doing something like that again. You might pull something.

    moo (Pants™® absolutely astounded by alliteration, frankly found few and far between)

  18. OMGHAX says:

    This is a catastrophe just wating to happen!

  19. Chris says:

    The kids ought to use the batteries as coasters for their beer cans. You can fit a big can – like a Foster’s – on it.

  20. A.Coward says:

    My students use and proudly endorse Abacus™®©℉℗㉥⌽ǀ. Oh sure, once in while there is fire and burned finger. It’s a small price to pay for good math.

  21. Don of Doom says:

    It’s still better than exploding laptop dancers!

  22. razorface says:

    Those little punks with laptops!
    All I had in school was a #2 pencil and they want to complain about exploding batteries?

  23. scared monster says:

    I had a #2 exploding pencil. It hurts.

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