19 Oct 06Apple's Quarterly Results.

Apple announced its quarterly results yesterday, easily besting the Wall Street estimates.

The company shipped an astonishing 1.6 million Macs in its best quarter ever. Analysts indicated that proved that the “iPod halo” effect truly is working for the company.

It’s easy to understand how iPod sales could drive Mac sales, as Apple shipped 360 million iPods for the quarter, with many customers buying 3, 4, even 10 iPods each, sometimes giving one to their pet.

While a low margin product, Apple moved over 1.5 trillion units of the Mighty Mouse, one to every third person on the planet. The company has not yet determined if these were evenly distributed across the globe or not.

“It’s possible India bought them all,” said CFO Peter Oppenheimer. “Or China. I don’t know why they’d do that…

“Party favors, possibly. We’re still looking into it.”

Oppenheimer also said Apple’s margin increased to 230%. The company sold 9 trillion copies of iLife, 180 trillion movies and television shows and 4.4 quadrillion songs on iTunes.

“We also renewed four .Mac accounts,” Oppenheimer said.

“That’s up 33% from last quarter.”

No Responses to “Apple's Quarterly Results.”

  1. Todd says:

    oooh, sick burn!

  2. Nxxx says:

    How’s the hangover?

  3. Yourmedic says:

    Are there really 4.5 trillion people on earth now? I’ve been pretty out of it.

  4. k2technology says:

    I renewed my .mac service too!!! – Oh, and I am #3…. maybe???

    and did those profit margins take into account the money required to repay all of these people who have had their skin and internal organs eaten?

  5. HisSteveness says:

    5th little pony

  6. John Moltz says:

    Hangover? From 3 PBRs and a half a Pacifica?



  7. Carl says:

    Trillion ≠ billion.

    Sometimes I wonder about the fact checking here.

    If I wanted made up crap, I would read “Think Secret,” not CARS.

    (oooo, burn!)

  8. moksha says:

    No wonder .Mac is so slow, with so many people on it, I shouldn’t have expected syncing a couple of KB to take 5,000,000 hours…

    Or maybe that was my toast.

  9. Jay in the uk says:

    no tost yet.
    But it’s in the toster.


    My cats want an iPod

  10. Wysz says:

    IPod? MIghty Mouse? What’s with all the capital I’s?

  11. Dancing like there is nobody watching says:


  12. agingeri says:

    I would just like to reiterate that so many people could even FIT on the earth, much less populate it. Is this counting the underground lizard people? Are there secretive colonies lining the sea floor? Somebody needs to launch an official investigation.

  13. Huh? says:

    You wonder how so many people fit? Easy.

    Stack ’em.

    moo (Pants™®)

  14. Ace Deuce says:

    That’s all well and good, but what about market share? Until Apple’s market share in everything it produces exceeds 99%, it is doomed. A company can’t survive unless it sells everything to everybody all the time.

    That’s economics 101.

  15. Ventzi says:

    I admit… I’ve got all those MIghty Mice…

    I bought them to scare the crap out of the neighbour’s cat!!!


  16. Ahnyer Keester says:

    .Mac accounts… ooooo burn….

    Yea, I had me one of them once. Not worth the 99 bucks per year.

    You didn’t mention that Apple also shipped 8 brazillian (that’s a big number, right?) Newton 2.0s. Or was that 8 Newtons to 2 Brazilian addresses? I don’t really remember ’cause I had to get Oppenheimer really drunk before he’d let me take a look at the financial report. And old Petey don’t likes to drink alone!!

    Anyone got a Tylenol? I’m going back to bed.

  17. […] Crazy Apple Rumors’ quarterly results summary: “We also renewed four .Mac accounts,” Oppenheimer said. […]

  18. A.Coward says:


  19. NWJR says:

    I renewed dot-mac because dammit, Steve Jobs promised me a pony if I did.

    I’m still waiting.


  20. I am surprised they sold more Mighty Mice than .Mac accounts. Both are useless!

  21. Joe says:

    The mighty mouse is not useless.

    It’s cute.
    And it’s like a normal mouse from anybody else.

    .Mac, now that is useless. I’m surprised they still had 4 people to renew subscriptions…

  22. Rip Ragged says:

    I’m confused. I went to the market, here locally, and couldn’t find a single “Apple” thing. And the manager just looked at me funny when I asked about it. I bought some organic jicamas and left. Anyway, I don’t think the message is getting out. I renewed my Dotmac account. I hope they don’t send me a pony. An equivalent quantity of India Pale Ale will be fine. Thank you.

    When singing along with “Who Are You” just substitute “Ubuntu” in the chorus.

  23. A Priest, a rabbi, and a dead prostitute says:

    “We also renewed four .Mac accounts,” Oppenheimer said.

    That ^ was fucking hilarious! I laughed so hard at this article, I don’t even feel bad about my mom passing on this morning any more.

  24. Gag Halfrunt says:

    4.5 trillion is the new 6 billion, bitches.

  25. Streetrabbit says:

    Mighty Mouse blows……There. I’ve said it.

  26. You are now fully qualified to become a Wall Street AAPL analyst.

  27. scared monster says:

    Now they got all this money
    they will surely lower the prices …

    Or give some extra-fried bacon
    to every customer.

  28. blank says:

    Now there are over 300 million people in the US! I understand many of them have .mac accounts too.

    Many also have bacon, but not for long.

  29. Anomynous says:

    Check out this article that was posted in the previous comments:


    There’s really a guy who works at MS whos last name is “Poon”!

  30. OMGHAX says:

    30 Trillionth!

    If you add up the number of every single Apple product built, it adds up to 666 trillion! Which, by coincidence is the price of the first Apple computer times a trillion! OMG!

  31. Del says:

    To much booze yesterday Moltz. I tried to comment in the afternoon and I kept getting WordPress Errors.

  32. Rip Ragged says:

    Trillion is such an absurd number. A few hundred thousand, a bottle of good scotch, and some Jenna Jameson videos should be enough for anyone.

    I’m just disgusted.

  33. ……oh does this mean that every new ipod gets shipped with a free pony??? =D

  34. […] The market has shown a substantial shift from desktop computers to notebooks, and Apple has certainly done their part to expand its laptop industry. While the Mac computers have gained significant recognition, a lot of it stems from the huge success of the iPod. The effect the iPod has created is referred to as the ‘iPod Halo’ and how Apple rejuvenated itself through the eyes of technology consumers with the creation of the small device. How much of a good thing is the iPod Halo? Well in Apple’s last quarter, they sold 1.6 million Mac computers, 360 million iPods, 180 trillion movies and 4.4 quadrillion song from iTunes alone. […]