iPod Turns Five.

Apple’s iPod turned five years old today, an event that has caused CEO Steve Jobs to wax effusive about “his baby.”

“When I introduced the iPod five years ago today, I couldn’t have been prouder of the achievement Apple – and I – made, Jobs said. “And here’s why.

“The iPod is a timely, innovative product that filled a need our competitors were not adequately filling, and still aren’t. We created an easy-to-use stylish product that spoke to people.”

Holding up an iPod nano, Jobs gushed “The iPod is such a perfect little princess! So smart and well-liked! And pretty!

“The iPod is my special little girl!”

Turning to the Mac – his child from his previous marriage (albeit also to Apple) – Jobs icily asked “When are you going to sell 8.7 million units a quarter?”

The Mac did not look away from the repeat episode of Charles In Charge it was watching while shoving fistfuls of Corn Nuts into its face and mumbled “I sold 1.6 million units. Get off my back.”

“You’re twenty-two years old!” Jobs yelled. “When are you going to move out of my basement?!”

The Mac only shrugged sullenly before turning the TV volume up.

Contrary to Jobs’ contention that his relationship with the iPod is all sunshine and goodness, there are signs of strife.

The young device has reportedly demanded a pony for its fifth birthday and Jobs – after initially indicating the request was excessive – has caved in.

“Well, if I don’t buy her the pony, she’ll throw a tantrum and then nobody’s happy,” Jobs said, sighing. “And I’ve got to keep my special little girl happy!”

The Mac shook its head and turned the volume up further.