C4 Reveals Seamy Underbelly of the Mac World.

[Crazy Apple Rumors Site sent its high society reporter Thor Samson to C4 over the weekend to cover the “it” Mac conference of fall 2006.

What Thor discovered about the conference celebrities may shock you.

Or not, depending on how jaded you are.]

I went to C4 with my mind as open as my expense account. These events are great because they allow the Mac community to showcase its stars in their element, right?


Many of these so-called “stars” of the Mac community are ne’er-do-wells at best and criminals at worst. Let’s take a look at C4’s “luminaries”.

John Gruber: Long considered the most respected Mac blogger, recent evidence indicates Gruber is addicted to online gambling.

Not a lot of people know this, but only descendants of the founders of ARPA can open online casinos, as they are considered Internet natives who have to put up with the rest of us yahoos who invaded their homeland.

Now, sources say, Gruber is in six large to these online tribes and is being forced to shill for online gambling to avoid having Daring Fireball repossessed.

Just don’t lend him any money.

Jonathan “Wolf” Rentzsch: The organizer of C4, Rentzsch actually is a lycanthrope as his nickname implies and must shave his face and hands six or seven times a day. By my reckoning, he devoured eight C4 attendees and a waiter at Jaks Tap.

Also, he seems to think it would be really funny if Mac users adopted goatse as their gang symbol.

Clearly, the pain of living with the knowledge of the havoc he has wreaked up on humanity has driven him insane.

Brent Simmons: Simmons’ dark secret is not so secret: he sold out to the man. Further compounding his guilt, however, he has also been accused of not keeping it real and a failure on numerous occasions to holla back, despite repeatedly being given the opportunity.

Drunken Batman: Drunk? Frequently. Batman? No.

So there you have it. The Macintosh community is full of gamblers, werewolves, sellouts and frauds.

OK, that sounded a lot more surprising when I wrote it on Sunday night…