24 Oct 06C4 Reveals Seamy Underbelly of the Mac World.

[Crazy Apple Rumors Site sent its high society reporter Thor Samson to C4 over the weekend to cover the “it” Mac conference of fall 2006.

What Thor discovered about the conference celebrities may shock you.

Or not, depending on how jaded you are.]

I went to C4 with my mind as open as my expense account. These events are great because they allow the Mac community to showcase its stars in their element, right?

Wrong!

Many of these so-called “stars” of the Mac community are ne’er-do-wells at best and criminals at worst. Let’s take a look at C4’s “luminaries”.


John Gruber: Long considered the most respected Mac blogger, recent evidence indicates Gruber is addicted to online gambling.

Not a lot of people know this, but only descendants of the founders of ARPA can open online casinos, as they are considered Internet natives who have to put up with the rest of us yahoos who invaded their homeland.

Now, sources say, Gruber is in six large to these online tribes and is being forced to shill for online gambling to avoid having Daring Fireball repossessed.

Just don’t lend him any money.


Jonathan “Wolf” Rentzsch: The organizer of C4, Rentzsch actually is a lycanthrope as his nickname implies and must shave his face and hands six or seven times a day. By my reckoning, he devoured eight C4 attendees and a waiter at Jaks Tap.

Also, he seems to think it would be really funny if Mac users adopted goatse as their gang symbol.

Clearly, the pain of living with the knowledge of the havoc he has wreaked up on humanity has driven him insane.


Brent Simmons: Simmons’ dark secret is not so secret: he sold out to the man. Further compounding his guilt, however, he has also been accused of not keeping it real and a failure on numerous occasions to holla back, despite repeatedly being given the opportunity.


Drunken Batman: Drunk? Frequently. Batman? No.


So there you have it. The Macintosh community is full of gamblers, werewolves, sellouts and frauds.

OK, that sounded a lot more surprising when I wrote it on Sunday night…

No Responses to “C4 Reveals Seamy Underbelly of the Mac World.”

  1. Magnanimous Wang says:

    First? Unlikely now.

  2. Magnanimous Wang says:

    That’s what I get for reading the article.

  3. John Moltz says:

    ENOUGH.

  4. Hey I read it before I posted too!

    Anyone notice how fast Firefox 2 is?

  5. Ace Deuce says:

    I’d prefer that you kept it virtual, not real.

  6. croikle says:

    5th unique, and I read the article!

  7. agingeri says:

    “The Macintosh community is full of gamblers, werewolves, sellouts and frauds”

    That may be, but the Windows community is full of weasels, hired killers, Nazis and the undead.

    And don’t get me STARTED about the Linux community. Hoo boy.

  8. Nxxx says:

    Yes, but what about Moltz? Is there any truth in the rumor about him, thirteen nuns, three pomegranates, a polar bear and the complete NYPD?

  9. Vitamin fortified says:

    Despite the those nefarious individuals that chose to populate CARS instead of C4, I will at least claim a unique spot in the top 10.

    And regarding those nefarious attendees at C4, aren’t these characteristics just slightly missed directed signs of creativity and/or genius? What’s an online gambler but a repressed mathematician that has applied probabilities and game theory to a practical purpose. Or a werewolf, some one that may have gone just a smidgen too far tapping those animal instincts to better address rivals. I mean this is the same company that was co-founded by a cannibal.

  10. Vitamin fortified says:

    Nxxx, I think that rumor had legs except if you have the entire NYPD, why were their croissant crumbs and not donut sprinkles found in the polar bear fur?

  11. Carl says:

    Drunken Batman. That guy was a genius. But has anyone noticed that you never see him and Drunken Bruce Wayne at the same conference?

    Think about it.

  12. NWJR says:

    John Gruber’s secret identity is “moonbeam” from “My Little Pony”.

    Trust me on this one.

  13. scared monster says:

    As I am an undead Nazi Weasel, sometimes hired for murders, does that imply I can’t have a Mac ?
    Maybe it’s because I’m a gambler fraud werewolve, all sold out, too…

    But I deny absolutely having anything to do with Batman, should he be drunk or not. He hasn’t the slightest super power.

    I am more with my friends Superman and Spidey, smoking crack… Don’t mind, we got super-lungs…

  14. joe says:

    What about Steve Dekorte? 😡

  15. DocWolfram says:

    So…?

    What about Steve Dekorte?

    XXIV

  16. Joe #2 says:

    Awww,

    I thought the Linux community was full of Evil Masterminds…

  17. e says:

    WHooo!!!! First post!!!!!!!!

  18. Steve Jobs says:

    First post by Steve Jobs (me!)

  19. OMGHAX says:

    How many times has that Eastern Orthodaschund taken posts 1-11? I say enough. I mean, I type enough: enough. There. I typed it.

  20. UhhhDude says:

    “The Macintosh community is full of gamblers, werewolves, sellouts and frauds.”

    Don’t forget poseurs.

    And fanboys.

    And pasty-faced geeks. (Or are those last two one and the same?)

  21. Paul says:

    Well, I think Moltz already as you covered, since he typed “ENOUGH”…

  22. Batman says:

    I am not a drunk. I’m just high on life, that’s all.

  23. Ahnyer Keester says:

    It looketh to me as if Anastasios Booby Chalcedon desire a severe banning!! With excess-eth violence, me thinketh. Followed by a spanking of great vehemence.

    Jonathan “Wolf” Rentzsch had obviously just shaved before the picture but that can do nothing for that animal-shaped head, can it? And while we’re at it, goatse should be banned from the internet. Still trying to get that disturbing image out of my mind after three years!!

    Did it seem to anyone else that this was not a typical Thor report? Is Thor okay? I’m worried that he may be loosing his mojo. Is he ill? Has he been spending too much time with MacGruder whose personality (or lack thereof) is somehow rubbing off on Thor?

    Gee, I wonder if that works the other direction too. Can you imagine MacGruder with a touch of Thor mixed in? Hide the women and farm animals!! MacThoruder is experiencing an urge!!

  24. Squished Squirrel says:

    What surprises me is how un-Orthodox ABC is being.

  25. Buthidae says:

    I totally forgot what I was going to post 🙁

    I didn’t look too carefully, but I don’t think anyone claimed second, so… Second!! Anastasios Booby Chalcedon, you’re a cheaty McLima bag.

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  27. Rip Ragged says:

    Hey! Whatever happened with the whole Security Bitch Slap thing? I haven’t seen any new info in weeks. Did Gruber cook that all up to pay for three card monte losses?

  28. Hillary says:

    No more spam, man!

  29. Edasi says:

    Spam really sucks( delete it

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    Not bad, it really can occur

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