Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Poll!

We’re thrilled to announce that, enjoyed the gratuitous profanity.

You people are impossible to please.

Hence the poll. We take your opinions seriously here at CARS. After receiving the results, we’ll put the data into a sophisticated database system with a Java front end and MySQL back end which Ugluk coded himself. We’ll crunch the numbers and then run some spreadsheets using complex formulas to determine trends and print out some charts. The charts will be airlifted to the Mohave Desert where an elite strike force will dispose of them by means of detonation with C4.

And then we will never speak of this again.

Now, please, take the poll!

How do you feel about the profanity on CARS?
Too much profanity.
Not enough profanity.
The profanity is juuuust riiiight… OH, MY GOD, A BEAR!
I don’t care about the profanity. But I would like to see more porn by Rip Ragged.
Why don’t you take your %^&*ing poll and stick it in your @$$?
There’s been profanity? Oh. Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.
Does Jack Miller know you’ve stolen his bit?
¿Dónde está mi sombrero nuevo?
Current Results

64 thoughts on “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Poll!”

  1. I am such a loser. Obviously I am the only one here cause I am not out drinking like all the cool people are on fucking friday night. Look at me, sitting here, participating in a God damn poll about fucking profanity and naughty words.

  2. Uh John, didn’t you mean “complement” rather than “compliment?”

    And I vote for Barack Obama with Lisa Simpson as running mate.

  3. I tried to vote but nothin happened… really. (Does it know that I secretly use IE to read CARS?)

    On a more serious note, I don’t particularly mind the profanity, but the Intel net police had a field day today. And since I like to catch up on the comments during lunch, this really is a problem. It was blocked as a hate crime site!

    And iOth…

  4. Never mind, It’s just really fucking slow… oh wait did I just say that?

    More porn from Rip!!

  5. Honestly, I don’t give a shit. Profanity is fine, but great humor it does not make. I figured out how to say fuck every other fucking word years ago – I don’t need to read a rumors site to figure it out. Even a crazy rumors site. So no, I’m not offended, but I read about three lines of yesterday’s and then closed my tab. It’s not fun reading the rest if I know what the whole joke is.

  6. I fucking hate profanity, it really fucks me off.

    And when I’m fucked off you better watch out fuckers. Fuck with me and you’ll know all about it.

  7. Every time there’s a Friday and no Help Desk, I die a little. If I change that to “I fucking die a fucking little” can I have more Fucking Help Fucking Desk?

  8. Yo lo veo asi, pero admito que a lo mejor estoy en la minoria. Las palabras sucias son como la gramatica incorrecta; la generalidad lo usan porque no saben hablar (o en este caso, escribir) correctamente, y remonten a las palabras feas porque creen que nadie se dara cuenta de la vacuidad de sus pensamientos.

    -Luis Fernando Santiago De Monte Carmelissimo, Chiapas

  9. Mein Freund Luis
    wie ich es dir schon in 1946 gesagt habe, ich meine nichts wenn ich mich irre. Ich glaubte es war verstanden.

    Someone has the GWB script to vote several times ? Like…er…one or two thousands, from…er…Florida ?

  10. I fucking hate fucking electronic polling machines. Where’s the fucking paper fucking backup to ensure a fucking correct fucking recount. What’s to stop John from picking the fucking answer he fucking likes fucking best when there’s no fucking paper trail.

    Fuck Yea!

  11. If you’re producing “a heady aroma of roasting chestnuts”, it’s time to take the PowerBook off your lap.

    As to the profanity, I couldn’t fucking care less.

  12. I was to understand there would be nude pictures of Jennifer fricking Connolly somewhere on this page.

    Why doncha throw a guy a bone here?

  13. As we lay basking in the warm glow of our MacBook Pro, surrounded by the delicate aroma of roasting chestnuts, she gently caressed my Zune.

    She nibbled on my earlobe, and with a warm moist breath said, “Vista is ready.”

  14. Mr Grammar says:

    It is easier to hit the “g” key than the apostrophe. Also, the correct spelling is “motherfucking” as opposed to the phonetically incorrect “muthafuckin’.

    Thank you for your time.

  15. No one will get here by accidently Googling “nude Jennifer fricking Connolly”. Googling “nude Jennifer fricking Connelly” (note the spelling), yes.

    But soon Google will index this post and then maybe this will become the top site for “nude Jennifer Connolly”!.

  16. Q: My poll doesn’t work.
    A: Hmm, have you tried greasing it?
    Q: Yup.
    A: Have you tried rubbing it briskly?
    Q: Yup.
    A: Have you seen this? This latest picture of nude Jennifer frickin Connelly?
    Q: Ok. it works now. Thanks!
    A: That’s what we’re here for. Moltz may not be, but WE are.

  17. I can confirm googling > gives CARS First, before some obscure site pretending Jennifer fricking Connelly reads while having sex. oh, and ¿Dónde está mi sombrero nuevo?, seriously.

  18. You wanta know what’s obscene? I’ll tell you what’s obscene! George W. Bush claiming that he’s the moral values guy! That’s what’s obscene! That, and…

    Oh, wait — profanity? I thought you said obscenity. Sorry.

    I don’t think Bush is profane all that much. Sometimes, maybe just a little.

    So, uh… what’s the topic here?

  19. Who is Jennifer Connelly? Why would anyone not directly related to her care? Why are we suddenly preoccupied with a hat? Is Steve Ballmer getting his Zune googled? What is the World Record for the largest vegetarian pizza with extra cheese? How could Leia have any memory of her mother?

    Darn it.

  20. derekm —

    While I agree that almost every song ever recorded by Barry Manilow, Leo Sayer, Bananarama, UB40, William Shatner, and ABBA could use a bit more cowbell, Honky Tonk Women has almost precisely the correct balance of cowbell to cymbal crash.

    Also, cowbell would detract from the glorious ambience of Tie Your Mother Down, Rag Doll, and Classical Gas. It would ruin everything by Gordon Lightfoot, except possibly The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald — which also needs an oboe, a penny-whistle, and the Vienna Boys Choir.

    This site has been woefully lacking in a reliable Friday Help Desk, but please don’t be extreme.

  21. CORRECTION:-Charlie used the hi hat stand not cow bell in their original recording of ‘Honky Tonk Woman’ which incidentally they copied from other artistes. Well they copied everything originally.
    Another reason for continuing Help Desk.

  22. Nxxx–

    That doesn’t change my assertion that the balance was exactly correct. These days Charlie’s producer would use a cowbell loop, thus sparing the eminent Mr. Watts the expense and trouble of putting in fresh denture adhesive and coming in for another session just to capture the sound of a barnyard for posterity.

    When the Help Desk was properly running, we had little need to discuss cowbells. Frankly, I miss it. I miss watching Annette Funicello grow up, too. Whoohoo! Those were the days. I miss five cent candy bars, that cute 19-year old girl I had the hots for at the Youth Center, and weeny roasts on Grandpa’s farm. I also miss the toilet more often than I think I do. And whenever I’m having problem with my hemor…..

    Never mind.

    This conversation is deteriorating rapidly, mostly because I should have been in bed an hour ago.

  23. Yeah, I’d like to google Jennifer Connelly. Google her frickin’ Vista with my Ubuntu.

    And I just Zuned on myself.

  24. Charlie does not use denture cream, they are all his own.
    Stop living in the past Rip and spell your ‘farmers’ or ‘carbons’ with an ‘æ’ in future. Damn it man, this is a Mac board, and we are all cultured. All right, excepting Moltz and…………….well, you name the remainder.

  25. Oh ubunty. I forgot how to do that “ae” thing. I’m sure there’s a keystroke for it. I downloaded SketchFighter Alpha last night. What an unbelievably stupid game. I’ve already wasted hours and hours of my precious time on it. What do you have to do to blow up a boss, anyway? I’ve been killed quickly dozens of times.

    I want my Maypo.

  26. æ is alt-a. But maybe not in the american version.

    But all this is beginning to look like a swimming poll, if I can make this little joke.

    Nxxx, you are sure these are his real teeth ? It seems to me that grew bigger years after years… Like …er…Keith is playing with hands so close I suspect him having handcuffs behind the guitar.

    And where is this muzerfukka sombrero, you bazztars ?

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