Data Refutes Forrester Report of Flagging iTunes Sales.

Contradicting interpretations of an earlier report by Forrester research, comScore Networks said today that iTunes Store sales surged 84 percent in the first three quarters of 2006.

comScore’s report was backed up by Piper Jaffray analyst Gene Munster who said iTunes sales showed “strong year over year growth.”

comScore and Munster did not explain the reason for the surge, however.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources indicate that in the first three quarters of 2006, Apple employees have spent an astounding $250 million on iTunes songs in an attempt to prop up the store’s numbers.

“I’m not even sure what I bought,” said chief operating officer Tim Cook. “There was a memo from Steve and I just just logged on and started clicking.”

“Hmm. Who’s this 2 Live Crew? Are they new? I hope it’s country and western. I like country and western.

“It’s… not country and western… is it.”

Sources also say CEO Steve Jobs downloaded the entire works of the Baha Men.

“He’s been walking around singing that song…” a source said.

You know the song I’m talking about.

“Would someone please just shoot me now?”

Wall Street analysts indicate they don’t care where the sales come from as long as the company moves product.

30 thoughts on “Data Refutes Forrester Report of Flagging iTunes Sales.”

  1. I thought everyone just randomly clicked in the iTunes store.
    You mean we can actually pick something we WANT?


  2. And now we know they can pass these songs to each other with that extraordinary-brown-device-that-has-a-faint-smell
    —Hey, listen to that ! I don’t even knew this kind of stuff existed ! Let’s roll together on the lawn, body against body, laughing helplessly at the stars…

  3. What the?! Only 7 comments! Has everyone who didn’t win something left in disgust? Oh well, more chances for the rest of us when we celebrate the 10th Anniversary. That’s a scarey thought isn’t it?!

    Who let the Moltz out? Woo Woo Woo Woo!

  4. Not so fast. Errr… slow.

    Hmmm. Eleventeen. Fitting I should get it with my first CARS post from the new MacBook Pro.

  5. I want a quad core Duo Core Deux Quattro MacBook Pro Pro. Book.

    This one’s clearly too slow for eleventh post.

  6. the 15th post was made by a

    thatdidn’t work did it. i’ll try again.

    the 15th post was made by a p*

    well, that’s close enough.

    you guys knoe what i’m trying to tell you. my Macbook Pro was stolen. Out of the back of my car.I’m on some hefty drugs now, and nurse says i can have solids again sometime next week. Where is that oxygen bottle

  7. Can’t post now. Too busy downloading the entire John Denver collection.

    …Gee, I wonder how many Beatles songs I can download in an hour.

    Oh yeah! None. [/sarcasm]

    If Ringo and Paul would make nice with Apple, then iTunes would experience an eleventeen thousand million gajillion percent surge in sales.

    In one day.

    That would make Ballmer sweat right through about seven shirts in three minutes.

  8. Goodness knows, I’ve done my part. I’ve bought The Benedictine Monks Greatest Hits, Angus Young’s Christmas Album, and the complete works of Spandau Ballet.

    Now I’m just hoping that they finally get Those Darn Accordions: Live The live versions of Bowling King, and We’re an Accordion Band are really the only gaps in my collection.

  9. My computer strangely crashed when I was trying to download John Tesh Live at Red Rocks.

    But more importantly, will the songs I download from iTunes be able to be uploaded to my Lesbian Ninja Sexbot? I wouldn’t want to have to pay for them again, especially since I’ll need the money for, um, “accessories”. Yeah, that’s it…

  10. My apologies for not commenting last night, as we had a power outage for seven hours due to heavy stormage. And the gerbils wouldn’t get on the treadmill.

    My purchases from the iTunes store so far are limited to music I don’t already have on CD. But they don’t have Jonathan and Darlene Edwards, or Yma Sumac.

  11. When on the North West frontier, back in ’86, we used to have a weekly Tombola session. It is considered good manners to allow the Officer Commanding to win one game and on the first occasion this compliment was not extended to me, I had the caller arrested, charged, found guilty and taken outside and shot at dawn.
    I believe you are intelligent enough to draw your own conclusions Mr. Moltz.
    Disgusted Col Retd

  12. The iTS is great for obscure stuff that would probably never get re-released any other way. Most everything I’ve bought so far falls into that category.

    Wait a minute, I’m posting a serious answer to CARS, there must be something gone very wrong with my brain!

  13. I bought a shiny pair of Pants™® off the iTunes Store, but they won’t fit on my Zune.

    I suppose it’s for the best – what kind of person would want to be squirted with them?

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