08 Jan 07Macworld Itinerary from Thor.

John has asked me to post today. Quite frankly with the number of people currently doing searches on “Apple rumors” we don’t really need to post a damn thing to get the same amount of traffic we usually get.

But we have news! News in the form of our itinerary for this the 2007 Macworld Expo.

Tomorrow is the big show and we’ll be there (really, we mean it this time) which means there won’t be any live updating. Contrary to myth, there’s no ubiquitous wifi in the Moscone Center presentation hall.

There are also no Apple Bunnies. I actually have a hand in starting that myth as I appeared at Macworld 1997 with several Playboy Bunnies in my entourage. I am the sole CARS contributor who has been to Macworld before, having attended each one since they began (John’s statement is still correct as I am a contributor, not a regular staff member).

After the keynote, John will be down on the showroom floor to hand out some “Phil Schiller has a posse” buttons.

So, if you see someone lying on the floor of the showroom with a bunch of buttons, that’s probably him.

When the buttons are gone (he’s got 100 of them), he says he’ll be attempting to touch as many Apple executives that he can.

Just touching them. He’s going to run up and touch them and then run away giggling like a school girl. He said “That’s just the way I roll.”

OK.

On Tuesday night John hopes to make it into Macworld Blast! even though he doesn’t have a ticket and it’s apparently sold out. If you’re looking for him there, you might try the roast beef line and see if the guy with the electric knife has a pin on his shirt that says “MY NAME IS JOHN.”

Just wink at him. If he winks back, then it’s him. If you get a strange look, it’s probably not.

Masako will, of course, be spending her time in several technical sessions and then running a networked game of AlephOne, and Howard’s actually teaching some of the session in the photography track.

Ugluk says he’s going to lurk under the stairwells and jump out and scare people. That, as you can imagine, is the way he rolls.

I will be behind stage during the keynote, of course, offering moral support and mai tais to Steve and Phil and all the rest. After, I’ll be in the conversation pit with my very special guests Scarlett Johansson, Salma Hayek and Jennifer fricking Connelly to get their topless reaction to the day’s announcements.

And, finally, Chet said he’s going to watch the whole thing from a van parked down the street. We still had some Stroh’s and Cheeze-Its left over from last year. Knock three times and then give the password which is…

What?

Are you serious?

He says the password is “Kevin Federline rulez.”

He swears it’s ironic but I’ve seen his iPod.

Anyway, we’ll see you under the big top!

No Responses to “Macworld Itinerary from Thor.”

  1. Dreil says:

    There is too wifi in the moscone…you just have to find it 😉

  2. Rip Ragged says:

    I’ll hit the paypal button for $20 if Johnny touches His Steveness and runs away giggling, but he has to do it during the keynote. I’ll be watching.

  3. moksha says:

    And I even read it! I never thought I’d grace the top ten! And it’s all thanks to K Fed!

    Next person can claim sixth

  4. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Thor is not John Gruber.

    John Moltz is John Gruber.

  5. Ryan says:

    or umm… sixxle… that doesn’t have the same ring to it.. I guess this also counts as sevenlicious…. maybe E to the ATE by the time this gets posted… I am not to good at ebonics…. ummm…. can’t wait to read the post mac world report to read what a real Apple executive feels like when touched… like are they all soft and velvety….. or slimy like interdimentional worms…. or come to think of it… worms from our dimension are also slimy… don’t have to go outside of the known universe to encounter slimy worms… umm… this comment is probably down to the ten spot now… boy this is a lot of words… was I going somewhere with this…

  6. OMGHAX says:

    Thor… what a guy!

    Last time Steve had John Legend play, right? I hope this year it’s DragonForce.

  7. OMGHAX says:

    BTW, Ryan, ever heard of a full stop? Or maybe you live in the all-ellipsis dimention [sic]. Oooh dis!

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    Mmmh … topless reaction …

    Does that come after the topless action?

  9. Carbonfish says:

    Lucky number THIRTEEN!

  10. Rip Ragged says:

    Maybe Sir Paul will sing “With a Little Luck.”

    “…we can make this whole damn thing work out…”

    Ooh. Scooby snacks.

  11. vitamin fortified says:

    Top twenty.

    Well John Legend could still sing “…. heaven only knows”

    And watch out for the green jelly beans, they were huddle together last night acting suspicious

  12. ME says:

    Add an extra leaf to the top of the Apple logo and we have the “Apple bunny” logo.

    Damn, I wish I had some Apple bunnies.

  13. alan says:

    Running and touching Apple execs is way cool… I’d do it too if I was rollin with John Moltz.

  14. Nxxx says:

    John has set himself an easy task. Carrying all those options, the executives can hardly move.
    He should also remember that touching someone without permission is assault.

  15. scared monster says:

    I’m afrais Scarlette won’t be there today.
    She’s here at home, and she won’t move.
    The rope’s too tight.

    I’m coming, babe !

    …no, I mean, I’m coming to see you.

  16. Chris says:

    Contrary to what people think, his Steveness actually does roam the Expo Show Floor, usually the afternoon after the keynote. He generally has 2 or 3 other people with him, and has a look on his face like “if you even LOOK at me I will fucking kill you and feed you to my evil space alien goat”. I think that is just the way Steve rolls.

    For John’s sake, I hope he does not attempt to play tag with Steve, or else he might find out how Steve’s posse rolls. It won’t be pretty.

    Can I get a cinnamon roll and a fat free double mocha soy latte to go please?

    Thanks

    Oh, and 20th I think.

  17. Sudo Nym says:

    “Kevin Federline rulez” is actually a very good password.

    You know nobody would ever say it except as a password. Even most hackers who discover it’s your password would probably get a queasy feeling and not use it.

  18. Cavey says:

    22th is the new first

    mmmmm – topless reaction

  19. Vegetarian Coward says:

    I love a good roll with soup.

  20. NWJR says:

    Apple is going to introduce an all-new iPod that plays music through the chest.

    It’s for all the women who say men keep staring at their breasts and never listen to them.

  21. J0n says:

    I believe it’s “Jennifer frickin’ Connelly”, not “Jennifer fricking Connelly”.

  22. Rip Ragged says:

    Okay. Momentarily serious (but only momentarily)

    Steve Jobs will announce:

    1. iTunes is spinning off to become a subsidiary.

    2. He’s going to step down as CEO of Apple to run iTunes.

    3. The entire catalogs of The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Da Vinci’s Notebook are now in the iTunes Store.

    I told you it wouldn’t last long.

    Waitress, could I have a nostril inhaler please?

  23. OMGHAX says:

    …Da Vinci’s Notebook? The guys who made that old-timey song for Homestar Runner?

  24. Rip Ragged says:

    The best track in their catalog is “Title of the Song.”

    Awesome stuff.

  25. OMGHAX says:

    Oh my god, they just announced the iPhone!

  26. Squished Squirrel says:

    Such a let down not to have a live CARS blog of the event. I’d much rather see it through Moltz’s eyes than MacRumors.

    1.5 hours down, 6.5 to go.

  27. Apathetíque says:

    OK. So, who are you and what did you do with the real Thor Samson?

  28. Rip Ragged says:

    Dang. No sexbot. Just a phone. And it doesn’t even come with a built-in ice cream freezer.

    I’m going back to bed.

  29. I was hoping for the Nike+ kit. So I can use my jogging shoe as a phone as well. Just have to be careful where I run before using the touchscreen- bubble gum ewwww

    Does that green mist under the door smell? Then that odor must be dinner….

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