Frustrated in its attempts to defuse the legal struggle with Norway over opening its FairPlay digital rights management system, Apple purchased the entire country today from King Harald V for cash and stock.
Apple took immediate possession of the Scandinavian country and reversed its position on the legality of iTunes. CEO Steve Jobs then issued a statement to its citizens.
“To the Norwegian people I would say this. I know you are a proud people… headstrong… steadfast… and that you have a strong sense of your own nationality. Naturally, you will be somewhat skeptical of my rule.
“That’s why you’re all fired.
“That’s right,” Jobs continued, speaking through an interpreter, “Pack your things and get out of my country by noon tomorrow. There’s really only room for one proud and headstrong person in this relationship. And lord knows I’ve tried to change…
“Well, not really, but…”
Jobs indicated that in order to keep Norway a vibrant tourist destination, the country would be populated by animatronic characters made by the Disney Corporation.
“We’ve already got a bunch of those Scandinavian kids in ‘It’s A Small World’,” said Disney CEO Bob Iger. “And I think the adults just look like blonde pirates, right?
“Well, whatever. We’re using pirates. We’ve got a crapload of pirates lying around.”
Apple is reportedly also looking into purchasing the Netherlands, Sweden, Finland and France, if anyone knows how it can get a good deal on them.