Apple will unveil new displays next month that sources indicate will be teh totally awesome!
Crazy Apple Rumors Site reporters spoke to a number of individuals who, admittedly, have absolutely no inside information at all. But, if what these sources say is true, the new Apple displays will use startling new anti-gravity technology that will allow it to float at any height for perfect ergonomic placement.
“Apple has perfected a touch-sensitive hardware solution that is a micron thin and is made of anti-protons,” said Gordy, an unemployed 42-year-old who lives with his mother. “Which everyone knows defy gravity.
“Or maybe it’s leptons. Or… anti-leptons… I can’t remember.”
Larry, a 62-year-old greeter at a large national retailer that shall not be named, said “Apple’s new touch-screen interface brings the pure sexual glory that is Multi-touch to the Mac. It’s going to be a totally hot touching experience between man and machine.”
Unfortunately, Larry said that at the front door of Wal-, uh, the retailer, as a group of school children were entering and was immediately fired.
Also, he was stealing. But, you can’t really blame him since he’s 62 and they pay him, like, $5.75 an hour and make him work 80 hours a week.
Well, not anymore because he’s unemployed.
Meanwhile, Rudy, a…
Actually, we don’t have any information on Rudy.
But Rudy said “Apple’s new monitors are going to make sunshine brighter, puppies more prevalent and happy fun spring with flower of technology!
“I really got that off a Japanese t-shirt but I think it’s relevant.”
Apple refused to comment for this story but did not deny that this was all true, so it probably is.