16 Mar 07Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday,

Q: I just bought a Mac Pro last week and I got the optional bologna drive.

A: Oh,

Q: Exactly. The problem I’m having, though, is that it smells like frying bologna in here now. Blech. Isn’t there a way to burn to bologna without the smell?

A: Ha-ha! Did you just say “burn to bologna”?! Ha-ha!

Q: Uh, well, yes. That’s what the option is called.

A: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Q: Um… OK. But, the smell…

A: Oh, man! Ah-ha! Ah-ha-ha!

Q: You, uh…

A: “Burn to bologna!” Ah…

Q: Um, you know…

A: Man, I bet it smells in there.

Q: That’s what I said!

Q: My mouse failed on me the other day and I was looking around because I thought I had a spare mouse but I couldn’t find it. Not in the drawer of USB stuff. Not in the bucket of former peripherals. But in looking around, I did find a wad of pimento loaf behind my desk, so I though, well, what the hell, I’ll try the pimento loaf. And you know what?

A: Oh, my god! It worked?!

Q: What? No. No. It didn’t. I mean, c’mon. It’s an old wad of pimento loaf.

A: Oh.

Q: I’m not even sure if a fresh wad of pimento loaf can be used as a mouse. And now I have pimento loaf in my USB connector.

A: And you want to know how to get that out.

Q: No, I just sucked it out.

A: Oh. Then why are you calling?

Q: What? I thought you called me.

A: Huh?

Q: What?

A: Uh…

Q: Huh?

A: Er… um…

Q: Wha-huh?

Q: My girlfriend has an iMac that she dropped when she was moving and it’s got a long crack in it now.

A: Ooh.

Q: Yeah. So, what I want to know is, can I fill it with pressed turkey loaf?

A: Pressed turkey loaf?

Q: Yeah. I mean, it’s pretty much the same color.

A: Uh, yeah, but it’s meat.

Q: So?

A: It’s going to start to decay. And attract bugs. And… ew.

Q: Huh. Yeah. But other than that… no problem, right?

A: Well, isn’t that enough? You really think it’s OK to fix your girlfriend’s iMac with meat?

Q: Um… yyyyyyyyyyyynnnnnnnnooooo?

A: Dude.

Q: We haven’t been going out that long!

A: Ah, well, that explains why you’re not splurging on unprocessed turkey.

Q: Oh, I’m totally not ready for that level of commitment.

A: Uhn-huh.

58 Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Leibnitz, N. says:

    A supercavitating torpedo would just be noisy, a super-duper supercollider would just be dumb, and an Italicized interrobang would just be more bad European porn.

  2. Psyko says:



  3. Panduemonium says:

    Well… i was just at the deli… Cotto… yes cotto sec… yes it tastes just digital and can be that “vertical magnetic domain” stuff… Cotto is the best…

    Now if i can just get that ditzy deli person to slice it to just the right thickness…

    hummmm… i wonder if the fat content is just right for maximum storage density…??? Oh well— part is parts… never question the sausage maker!!

  4. Rip Ragged says:

    Yes, well. Speaking of sausage, it’s bedtime.

    Good night Chet.

  5. Joe #2 says:

    did anyone besides me get hungry reading that post?

    Why did I read a post 3-4 days late?

    Oh yea, work. Gah.

  6. Massie says:

    I need some help! I just purchased a Macintosh Powerbook 5300CS. The memory has been cleaned and I need a system and programs for it. Can anyone assist? Please help if you have anything that I can use. Or can stear me to where I can obtain such as I will have need of the get this baby up and running.

    I purchased it from a college surplus sale (in the box and looks like never used..But drive has been cleaned. Sincerely,

    Massie (503)325-2027 Massie@hotmail.com

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