07 Jun 07No New iMacs At WWDC.

After weeks of speculation that next week’s Worldwide Developer’s Conference would see the long-awaited introduction of new iMacs, several sites have recently reported that an iMac refresh is off the table for months.

Some say that this is due to the current line’s continued success while other point to the difficulty in getting high volumes of the backlit LED displays the iMac will feature.

However, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned the real reason the new iMacs will be delayed.

According to sources, the new screens will not only be backlit LEDs, they will also be scratch-n-sniff.

“For years Mac users have dreamed of the ability to have odors delivered to them over the Internet,” said Peter Mehring, head of Mac hardware engineering. “And we’re about to make that dream come true. Our hardware is ready. The problem is there are no sites yet that take advantage of HOML. That’s Hyper Olfactory Markup Language.”

Mehring said that Apple has been trying in vain to get content providers to take advantage of this startling new technology.

“The Food Network. 1800Flowers. We even approached ESPN about having a ‘smell your favorite athlete’ option. What does Serina Williams smell like? I bet a lot of people want to know.

“I know I do.

“Anyway, we can’t launch with just the handful of porn sites we have. That’s just not going to cut it.”

Despite Mehring’s enthusiasm, several beta testers CARS reporters spoke to indicated the technology may benefit from a delay.

“I scratched the hell out of that screen and I still couldn’t smell the peppermint stick,” said Dan Moren. Out of the eight screen elements Moren was given to scratch and then sniff, he could only really smell the orange.

“Although, that is just like a real scratch-n-sniff.”

Apple’s scratch-n-sniff iMacs are expected to be delivered in time for the holiday season.

Hence the peppermint stick.

No Responses to “No New iMacs At WWDC.”

  1. blargo says:

    First!

  2. GrammarGirl says:

    OK, first grammar lesson:

    “… several beta testers thatCARS reporters spoke to indicated the technology may benefit from a delay.”

  3. GrammarGirl says:

    Oops .. John, you could fix my ending tag error .. or

    “… several beta testers that CARS reporters spoke to indicated the technology may benefit from a delay.

  4. John Moltz says:

    Shouldn’t it actually be “who”?

    Well, I’m going to bed. Guess I’ll find out in the morning.

  5. Biff Whammy says:

    That would be Serena Williams. And I think Venus would smell better.

    At least better than Uranus.

    Okay, I couldn’t resist.

  6. Carbonfish says:

    Even if I wind up some other number, I’ll always feel like number NINE!

  7. Carl says:

    Grammar Girl is full of crap. Dependent clauses referring to people can be connected by “who” or “that” or nothing if you want, but some people like to make up rules for it anyway. In this particular case, “which” would sound funny, but even “which” isn’t completely off the table.

  8. Nxxx says:

    Oh I give up.

  9. Carbonfish says:

    Hey GrammarGirl, shouldn’t that really be several beta testers with whom CARS reporters spoke??

    I mean, if you’re going to go to all of the trouble to get all grammarian and everything, go all the way for goodness sake…

    Wait a minute, did I just ask GrammarGirl to go all the way?

    All-RIGHTEE! Now we’re gettin’ some where!

  10. Vermilion says:

    Lucky 13. I’ll write a real comment someday.

  11. GrammarGirl says:

    OK, I’m going to my quiet place and sulk.

    And I think each one of you is Merlin (though not John, of course).

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    Scratch-n-Sniff porn sites would probably turn a lot of people off, give the web back to the little guy, you know, little Eric.

    Poor little fella.

    What about the brush tailed possum iMac? I heard there was going to be one of those. Or was it brushed aluminium? Certainly wasn’t aluminum. Never heard of that.

  13. Klayman says:

    Hey, I used to have one of those, but it didn’t work too well. You didn’t have to scratch. And it stank like burnt plastic. And it was on a PC. And the whole thing went boom very shortly afterwards. Quite a spectacle, too…

    … come to think of it, scratch this post…

    PD: I wonder what a Lesbian Ninja Sexbot would smell like. (Yay, first to bring that into the topic ::grins::)

  14. Ace Deuce says:

    Another reason for the delay might be the need to ramp up production of ols at the ol factory in advance of any release. There is a worldwide shortage of ols, and all those celebrity fragrances aren’t helping.

  15. As usual, Mehring is behind on his standards: W3C approved XHOML 1.0 back in ’99. XML-based XHOML introduced stinkier smell-tag encapsulation and deprecated snot particles. W3C is currently drafting XHOML 1.1 on sheets of kleenex.

  16. whom are you whomwhom whomwhom says:

    Gee, I was all ready to jump on Grammar Girl, too, but it’s been pretty well covered. Carl covered it well, in that nothing is needed there at all. (With, it sounds like a 6th grade paper.) And several touch on something that’s a peeve here… yes, they are living, breathing people, so it would be “whom” (or “to whom” if recast as suggested above), not “that.” Eww. Fingernails on chalkboard.

  17. Loose Leaf says:

    Would CARS be able to deliver the lovely smell of Tacoma with this new technology?

    I love the smell of a paper mill in the morning.

  18. tommy tacoma says:

    Oh shoot… I thought you meant the Toyota. Quick… call engineering and have them redirect their efforts!

  19. NWJR says:

    Very funny. That “peppermint” schtick was particularly hilarious.

    PONIES!!

  20. Fake John Moltz says:

    NO! No scratch-n-sniff ponies!

    Blech…

  21. blank says:

    I smell a plot to benefit the polishing compound manufacturing cartel. I mean really, scratch and sniff monitors? Can you imagine how bad they would look after just a few uses? Look at all the wailing and gnashing of teeth that went on over thin horizontal lines in PowerBook/MacBook Pro screens, or dithering in MacBook screens, or vertical colored lines in 17 ” MacBook Pro screens (that one is just getting warmed-up).

    The public won’t stand for it.

    Well, someone has to point out conspiracies like this before it’s too late.

    You’re welcome.

  22. Anomynous says:

    Now that I have a scratch-n-sniff monitor I can hardly see the words on the CARS website, but my computer smells like the Deschutes brewery.

  23. esavage says:

    brings new meaning to Vaporware.

  24. Complete Idiot says:

    So, what are they going to call these things? iScratch? Sounds more like a flea dip solution.

    Or maybe iScratch is how you feel after an evening with certain members of the “CARS Community”.
    Feel free to speculate on who that might be. No names. Nope. Not from me. But I’m not talking abotu Howard here.

    Seems to me that if one was careful or even creative, one could scratch attractive two dimensional images on the surface of the monitor while pursuing sniffdom. You know, like flowers or ponies.

    Or even Jennifer fricken Connelly.

  25. Rip Ragged says:

    Well and good. If this happens, I’ll have to be near the computer every time my wife surfs so I can fart whenever she scratches something expensive.

    I checked. Except for being a multiple of seven, 28 means jack shit.

    Excuse me. I have to go write something stupid, yet meaningless.

  26. scared monster, better known as Le Chef De La Cuisine, says:

    Mr Moltz
    don’t take it too seriously
    but
    I don’t want to smell your breath
    late nights
    or even in the morning. Reminds me of ponies…

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