20 Aug 07Link From Enderle Reveals Much.

Rob Enderle has unleashed the latest drippings from his brain pan today, taking Apple to task for releasing an iMac update not worthy of its abilities and Mac blogs for their treatment of the “Sticker Guy” controversy.

Unwittingly, however, Enderle tipped his hand in linking to Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s coverage of “Sticker Guy”.

As a highly respected source on all things Apple – as evidenced by his constant use as a quote machine by lazy journalists – CARS staff expected that Enderle’s writing must be widely read. However, a review of our referrer logs shows a grand total of eleven (11) click-throughs (actual true fact). Given the fact that at least five (5) of those click-throughs were conducted by CARS staff members and friends, this leads to the startling conclusion that Enderle’s writing just doesn’t generate any traffic unless he nonsensically bashes Apple.

According to sources, however, this fits a consistent pattern throughout Enderle’s life.

“Rob’s constantly been seeking attention,” said a long-time friend who asked only to be referred to as “Ricky”.

“It’s a desperate cry for help.”

According to Ricky, Enderle was the middle child of 16 (Ricky was unclear how one is exactly the middle of an even number), born to poor, itinerant Baptist sharecropper Mormon Jewish lesbians in southern Nebraska during the Great Depression.

“Middle children are constantly trying to stand out,” Ricky said. “Rob did so by making things up. First it was imaginary friends, then it was magical fairy ponies that visited in the night and pooped under his bed.

“But everyone knew who was really pooping under his bed.”

According to Ricky, it was Rob’s older brother, Hubert, who was quite the practical joker and well-liked by everyone, unlike Rob.

Ricky went on to ask that Mac users not under any circumstances click through any links to Enderle’s writing or interviews.

“Don’t encourage him,” Ricky pleaded. “He’s a sick, sick man.

“Very sick. Really, really, really sick. Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.”

Ricky then shook his head sadly at how sick Rob Enderle is.

43 Responses to “Link From Enderle Reveals Much.”

  1. Nxxx says:

    What’s this Moltz, facts.
    If I wanted facts, I’d go to Willie Wonka’s (hope I spelt that right) Chocolate Factory.

  2. Carbonfish says:

    Oh please let me be THREE! Now, off to read.

  3. Nxxx says:

    And you’ve just swapped the photos.

  4. His Steveness says:

    five little ponys, yihaw…

  5. Carbonfish says:

    Jeez John,

    Now I kinda feel a little bit sorry for Enderle.

    Really sick eh? Sad. And he looked like such a bright, promising little girl too.

  6. Ace Deuce says:

    Ooh, character assassination! But what about the rest of the Enderle Group? What of their tortured pasts?

  7. redeyebase says:

    who thought up this one? where’s the lolcat?

  8. chimp says:

    single digit? must be a slow night…

  9. Cavey says:

    woo-hoo
    Top Ten – first evar

    BTW – did anyone read the little girl’s story. It makes all sorts of really funny errors.
    My personal favourite is “SCO’s actions forced people to look at uncomfortable topics like IP (Internet Protocol) protection”
    What a loser

    Yoshi

  10. OMGHAX says:

    Rob, I know you’re reading these comments, so please, don’t feel bad. We don’t really mean anything that we say about you, right guys?

    Right?

  11. not Huh? says:

    Now let me get this straight…

    You’re saying he’s sick?

    Hmmm… No need to be more concise in the future, John.
    Never know when Rob might be visiting.

  12. Huh? says:

    I’m sorry, but that last post by not Huh? was made by my Pants™. They said they were going to go get a Slurpee
    Yeah, right. That’s the last time I’m gonna believe that.

    If I had actually posted that, I probably would have said the same thing, though.

  13. Brother Mugga says:

    I was visited by Enderle’s Website in the night, but the end results were identical to those of the magical fairy ponies.

    (I was going to say ‘Enderle’s Column’, but baulked at introducing this image to my fellow CARS posters.)

  14. Not Paul says:

    How dare you pick on the second most influential Tech Journalist on the planet. Poor Rob. He’ll probably half to lay (off) half his staff this afternoon.

  15. nonlinearG says:

    Huh? Character Assassination. OJ Huh?

  16. scared monster, better known as The Amateur Psychanalyst,, says:

    My, my, my…You could be sued for : diagnose without any competence (but you’re surely not gonna be sued by me…) ; and for spreading news of medical contents.
    Fortunately, that poor boy is too sick to grasp anything coherent from reality.

    But…
    aren’t we all ?

    Oh, er…
    no. In fact, no.

    Ponies. Pfew.

  17. Brother Mugga says:

    Not Paul! Did you not read my post? Why promote that image!

    And just think of the tawdry life his poor wife must have: lies during the day about how Vista got all TIger’s features first; lies during the night . . . [insert ‘early delivery’, ‘customer satisfaction’, ‘size of hard drive’ (etc.) jokes here]

  18. Rev. Enderle (Rob's brother) says:

    Referrer Madness!!! And you roll them big enough to call them LOGS. This site is truly drug crazy!! Repent you spreaders of rumors!!! Repent goat worshipers!!!!!

  19. Ahnyer Keester says:

    “[B]orn to poor, itinerant Baptist sharecropper Mormon Jewish lesbians in southern Nebraska during the Great Depression.”

    This just explains so much. Now all I can feel for him is pity.

    I wonder what Hubert grew up to become? I’m just going to go ahead pity him anyway. I mean, he had Rob as a brother/sister, right?

  20. Anomynous says:

    So are you saying that we *shouldn’t* click the link in the first sentence?

  21. Del says:

    Rob Endererle
    … born to poor, itinerant Baptist sharecropper Mormon Jewish lesbians in southern Nebraska during the Great Depression.

    John Moltz
    The son of poor Oklahoma sharecroppers, John and his family were forced off their land in the 1930s and set out for California in a vain attempt to find work.

    This is a little to close for comfort. Is it possible that Rob and John are the same person? Brothers? Sisters?

    *queue suspenseful music*

    These questions – and many others – will be answered in the next episode of CARS.

  22. Nxxx says:

    I’ve never seen Moltz and Paris Hilton together.

    Know what that indicates?

  23. Carbonfish says:

    @ Nxxx:

    That Moltz is actually the one caught by the paparazzi without his knickers on?

    Eewwwwwwwww. Now the nightmares are going to start again.

  24. Streetrabbit says:

    I bet he’d be singing a different tune if the new iMacs came with a moustache trimmer.

  25. Rip Ragged says:

    Now I’m depressed. All this time I thought Enderle was just a ignorant shill for the Borg. A clueless dumbass without credentials hooting from the rooftops. An asshole. A moron.

    Now I find out that he’s sick.

    I’m so ashamed.

  26. Nxxx says:

    The site has been down, is this Rob’s Revenge?

  27. Ace Deuce says:

    Rob got all of the employees in the Enderle Group to launch a denial-of-service attack on CARS just to show that DOS still rules. And for revenge.

  28. Streetrabbit says:

    Enderle’s been trying to assimilate CARS into the Enderle Group all afternoon. John only managed to resist by forming a pact with George Ou (a.k.a species 8472). From next week CARS will be on ZDNet.

  29. OMGHAX says:

    Ah, so that’s what that was.

  30. Nxxx says:

    Another possibility, The Entity is back.

  31. Streetrabbit says:

    Since John wasn’t able to provide us with laughs today, due to his bloody battle with the Rob, have a laugh at this from species 8472.

    http://blogs.zdnet.com/Ou/?p=682

    Interestingly 68% of his readers think he’s full of it, going by the survey.

  32. Nxxx says:

    Went there and it’s worse than the London Dungeons.
    Must ring the doctor.

  33. Joe Anonymous says:

    Sorry for a serious response, but I responded to Enderle’s article – and they didn’t post my reply. I guess they don’t like criticism (Enderle is trying to emulate Ou, I guess). My response was that it’s called ‘branding’. Apple users want clean, simple systems without all the crapware (which just gets in the way and causes problems). They’re willing to pay a bit more for that simplicity and ease of use. The average PC vendor, OTOH, doesn’t have a differentiable advantage – so has to rely on “I can sell my computer for $0.12 less than the other guy” which is why all the crapware is needed on PCs.

    I wonder why Enderle considered that response so threatening that they couldn’t publish it?

  34. Jason Young says:

    Wow.

    I had a strict policy of not following links from CARS – because, well, ninja sexbots are likely frowned upon by work – and I just shouldn’t go there you know?

    But Rob Enderle really is a flaming idiot. I’m so sorry I doubted you Moltz. I won’t do it again I promise. Really. Forgive me.

  35. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Okay, I couldn’t take it. I read the stupid article! So sue me!

    I had a chat with one of the local CTO ex-Apple folks I know the other day, and he explained the following event to illustrate how Apple loyalists think: A few years ago Apple came out with a laptop that was promoted as having an upgradable processor. A lot of folks bought it thinking they could and would upgrade. However, it had a serious problem and Apple had to rush out a firmware update that permanently disabled the upgrade capability.

    Any idea what laughing boy is talking about here? “A few years ago?” I don’t remember Apple ever doing anything like this.

    Or does this journalist not check his facts?

    Or is this related to the magical fairy ponies? Is there a magical fairy Apple laptop pooping on Rob’s desk?

  36. Anonymous says:

    did anyone else notice the “sweet” iphone replacement enderle was shilling? I particularily liked this gem:

    “The navigation isn’t as wonderful, but on a 5-inch screen the Microsoft navigation actually isn’t that bad, and it really needs a belt pouch.”

  37. Rip Ragged says:

    I no longer read Enderle or Ou. I will only click a link to Enderle, Ou, or Dvorak under the following two circumstances:

    1. Someone I trust says that I should. That list is short.

    2. The link is “lesbian ninja sexbots in love.”

    The only other way I might click through is if I’m incredibly drunk, wearing a tutu, and in the middle of the fourth verse of “Waltz Me Around Again Willy.”

  38. lol. that takes the fucking cake.

  39. zo says:

    “What many who aren’t Apple people don’t realize is that many Mac users base their opinions with regard to what Apple brings out on what Steve Jobs says.”

    Who writes this guy’s paycheck? Oh, right: Mrs. Enderle.

    He’s got a new pic?

  40. yet another steve says:

    OMG I clicked on the link before reading the whole article. Now I’ve fed him…

  41. Daniel says:

    I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Link From Enderle Reveals Much., but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.

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