Apple Delivers iPhone Update 1.0.2.

[Please note that this post is late because the site was down last night due to robot attack. As you would expect, we will use this as an excuse to get out of posting for a day. While this may seem lame, we do actually have to clean up all the robot parts and reload.]

Apple has released the latest iPhone update which comes with scant information about what it supposedly fixes or enhances.

As the update has been installed and put into use, it has become apparent that at least one of its purposes is to put an end to iPhone hacking.

Twitterrific creator Craig Hockenberry – attempting to create a mobile version of the application for the iPhone – was the first to notice some strange behavior.

“I had just finished installing my latest build of mobile Twitterrific,” Hockenberry said, “and I heard this high-pitched shrieking. “Noooooo! It buuuuurns!’ Scared the holy fucking shit out of me.”

According to several sources, the iPhone 1.0.2 update has added a series of “alerts” that are triggered whenever offending software (read: non-Apple software) is installed on an iPhone, a practice Apple warned against.

“The iPhone is an enduring work of beauty,” said Apple senior vice president of software engineering Bertrand Serlet. “Such as a symphony or a Renoir. It shouldn’t be crapped up with your little knick-knacky tacky dime-store amateur hour doohickies. Only we are capable of making software fine enough for the iPhone.

“But, uh, we value our developers! Just not on the iPhone.”

Hockenberry said that despite the screaming from both his iPhone and Apple, he intended to forge ahead.

“You get used to it after a while,” he shrugged.

[Please also note that this piece originally had Mr. Hockenberry saying “bejeezus” instead of “holy fucking shit” but was changed after he suggested we review our notes again. The management regrets but does not admit to the error.]

25 thoughts on “Apple Delivers iPhone Update 1.0.2.”

  1. It’s a phone, no, it’s an iPod, no, it’s a movie player, damn, it’s schizophrenic…Lock it up! Rubber room for that device.

  2. Sorry about the attack, John. That robot squadron was intended for the offices of The Enderle Group in support of the Zeroth Law, but there was a mixup with Google Maps.

  3. Actually, I do have an iPhone, but I’m keeping it unopened in the box for my appearance on Antiques Roadshow forty years from now. They will be so blown away!

  4. I’m posting now, because the site was ‘down’ last night.

    I had something extremely funny to say, but because of the delay I forgot what it was.
    I swear, it was the funniest thing EVER. But it’s gone now…

    Lost to the winds of time…. *sigh*

  5. Yeah, gosh, who are you trying to make it easy for, people on the east coast? Whaddabout us west coasters?

  6. @Carbonfish: i guess that as CARS evolves it’s getting more and more unpredictable

    Just like life itself.

    Just like Apple’s product announcements.

    Just like Rob End… no wait. That wasn’t right, was it?

  7. Well, … the way things keep going, I’ll never have an iPhone, so hearing about updates (even insignificant ones) just rubs salt into the wound.a

  8. “Scared the holy fucking shit out of me.”

    How does this compare to the unholy fucking shit?
    I’m not exactly the religious type, so I don’t know if there’s a difference.

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