[Please note that this post is late because the site was down last night due to robot attack. As you would expect, we will use this as an excuse to get out of posting for a day. While this may seem lame, we do actually have to clean up all the robot parts and reload.]
Apple has released the latest iPhone update which comes with scant information about what it supposedly fixes or enhances.
As the update has been installed and put into use, it has become apparent that at least one of its purposes is to put an end to iPhone hacking.
“I had just finished installing my latest build of mobile Twitterrific,” Hockenberry said, “and I heard this high-pitched shrieking. “Noooooo! It buuuuurns!’ Scared the holy fucking shit out of me.”
According to several sources, the iPhone 1.0.2 update has added a series of “alerts” that are triggered whenever offending software (read: non-Apple software) is installed on an iPhone, a practice Apple warned against.
“The iPhone is an enduring work of beauty,” said Apple senior vice president of software engineering Bertrand Serlet. “Such as a symphony or a Renoir. It shouldn’t be crapped up with your little knick-knacky tacky dime-store amateur hour doohickies. Only we are capable of making software fine enough for the iPhone.
“But, uh, we value our developers! Just not on the iPhone.”
Hockenberry said that despite the screaming from both his iPhone and Apple, he intended to forge ahead.
“You get used to it after a while,” he shrugged.
[Please also note that this piece originally had Mr. Hockenberry saying “bejeezus” instead of “holy fucking shit” but was changed after he suggested we review our notes again. The management regrets but does not admit to the error.]